Reality TV

This is definitely excellent news. The New York Post reports that Paula Abdul's bug-eyed ex-boyfriend, J.T. Torregiani, is in talks to be the next "The Bachelor." He talks?! I just assumed he communicated through grunts and pointing. That's why he lasted so long with Crazy Abdul.

A source said that 33-year-old J.T. was asked a couple of years ago to by the producers of the show, but he met Crazy so he turned down their offer. The two broke up last month, because whatever Paula drugged him with finally wore off and he realized who he was waking up to every morning.

J.T. is a partner at The Dolce Group, a restaurant group in Los Angeles founded by Mike Boogie from Big Brother.

"The Bachelor" is good shit, because it tries to be all high-class and shit, but it's just as trashy as "Flavor of Love!" J.T. and his crystal ball eyes will fit right in. I mean, he's basically going from dating one major crazy to dating 25 major crazies. He's been well trained by Paula.

I must have been naive in thinking that I would never hear the name "Kristy Likes Cocks" ever again. It's true that sometimes she haunts my nightmares, but I usually just wake up in a greasy sweat and take a Simply Sleep. Unfortunately, all the Simply Sleep pills in the world cannot erase this truly tragic news. American's Idol's resident redneck hobag got herself a record deal!!! This cuntry ass hobag belongs in a broke down trailer, nursing her pet possums, while watching WWE Smackdown on the 13" TV she bought on lay-away. She does not belong in a recording studio.

Cocks' first single, "15 Minutes of Shame," will be released this August. Her single title describes what she had to do to get that damn record deal! I'm surprised she didn't name her first single, "American Christians Rule!"

Her album is supposed to come out in the fall. Does that mean in this pork rind skank is going to be everywhere this fall? If that's the case, I'm totally moving to Tibet to become a monk.

Sources: FoxNews

Thanks Michael

First of all, this is a spoiler for last night's HGTV's Design Star. I'm not sure who might be spoiled since I'm the only dumb bitch who watches this low-rent poopie.

Last night, busted-gay-faced Michael was sent packing and the news had him crying for mommy. Seriously, he burst into tears and said "I want my mom right now." WTF?! Somebody give this homo a glazed donut and a butt plug! He's crying like he just got a 10-man train ran on him. Save your nelly tears for a hot shower, Michael! Michael is obviously too presh for the cuthroat world of home decorating reality TV.

And somebody please tell Tracee's hair to go back to 1987!

Thanks to the good hos at Best Week Ever for posting this mess.

Bravo has confirmed the names of the housewives set to whore themselves and their kids out in the name of reality TV. "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" is currently in production and Bravo will air a preview of this shit on July 30th. E! has a rundown of the crazies we will soon be laughing at:

Deshawn Snow: nonprofit founder, wife of Cleveland Cavaliers baller Eric Snow
Kim Zolciack: single mom, aspiring country-music singer
Lisa Wu Hartwell: real estate firm owner, jewelry and baby-clothing designer, model, actress, writer...and wife of Oakland Raiders linebacker Ed Hartwell
NeNe Leakes: nonprofit founder, wife of real estate investor, two sons
Sheree Whitfield: single mother of three, clothing-line owner

YES! Cat fights + Southern accents = Comedy gold!

Bravo, keep bringing the plastic trash. I can't wait for the next 20 spin-offs from this series. "The Real Housewives of Palm Beach," followed by "The Real Housewives of Baghdad," followed by "The Real Housewives of My Asshole."

And NeNe Leakes is already my favorite based on her name alone. Total pornstar name.

A new UK reality show called "Britian's Missing Top Model" is set to debut on the BBC this July. The show is a modeling competition featuring models from around the world with various disabilities. Some chicks have missing limbs, one is paralyzed and another is deaf.

Producers on the show are major lie-tellers because they claim they are "trying to raise awareness." Naw, they are trying to raise cash. Let's be real. One of the judges on the show, the editor of Marie Claire UK, told the NYDN, "I do believe the program could help challenge our attitudes to disability. I want to see the winner shake up the fashion industry. These young women shouldn't be invisible to the fashion world just because they are disabled."

I'm in shock that Heather Mills and TyTy didn't join evil forces to put this show together. You know they are in a closed-door meeting right now planning the American version of this fuckery.

I don't know whether to be offended or excited. I know that I'm a little upset, because it's airing in the UK and not in the US. Thank Jeebus for YouTube!

Below are some of the models from the show. It's obvious that TyTy isn't involved in this, because none of them are smiling with their eyes. And is the chick in the third thumbnail, Wonky McValtrex?

On Sunday's episode of "The Two Coreys," both Coreys admitted to being child touched when they were 14 or 15. Corey Feldman told July's GQ (via Page Six) that it wasn't the gloved one. He said, "People can say whatever they want, but it wasn't Michael. He and I have our own issues, but that wasn't one of them. The guy that did this to me was my assistant. I was still a virgin at the time. I hadn't even had sex with a girl. So for me it was just kind of bewildering."

No wonder Jacko is going broke! He has to use his "Thriller" cash to pay off these two meth faces.

Corey went on to say, "It's something that will be addressed in my inner soul for the rest of my life, and it's something that truly affects me . . . It's just like, it happened, it's over, and move on. Let's move on to the next subject."

Yeah, let's move on. All this talk of child touching and Corey rape is making me uncomfortable. So, here's a video of Hope the puppy who was born without front legs. It will warm your heart or....make you feel uncomfortable again. Oh well, I tried!

Video VIA Cute Overload

Unfortunately, this is not a post featuring cute pictures of little, furry bunnies dressed as soldiers with plastic guns. This is about a different bunny. A bunny with yellow polyester hair, robot eyes and fake chichis. The Playboy bunny! TMZ reports that it's war between Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson of "The Girls Next Door." A source said that everyone on the set of the show hates Holly, especially Kendra. Can't the robot and the dyke just get along?!

Holly and Kendra are fucking up shoots since they fight all the time. Producers are getting sick of trying to film around it. Uh....what's wrong with filming the fight itself! Who doesn't love a good bunny fight. Throw them in a cage with a couple of carrots.

Holly who is Hef's #1 bunny has even started showing her dick around the magazine. She apparently wants more and more editorial control and longtime employees are not having it.

The other bunny, Bridget, tries to keep the peace. Yeah, popping pills every 5 minutes can do that to a person.

Holly needs to stop the fighting and start the plotting! This bitch should be knocked up with Hef's spawn by now! She doesn't have much time before he goes off to the great, big bunny field in the sky. She should be trying to get oil out of his dry well, not fighting with Kendra's fake hip-hop ass.

I say, send them all back to wear they came from, the day-shift at Hooters!

Wonky McValtrex isn't the only raggedy tampon looking for a best friend on MTV. Brody Jenner has just been given his own reality show on MTV called "Bromance." Yes, Bromance. And it gets even douchier. The six episode series will follow a bunch of dudes as they compete to win Brody's love.....I mean...his friendship.

This douche extravaganza will be produced by Ryan Gaycrest. You know Gaycrest cried when he was told he couldn't be a contestant.

Challenges will include circle jerk on a pizza and a Shia LaDouche bitch slap match. You know, typical hazing shit.

Each episode will end with a "hot tub elimination ceremony." That reminds of that disgusting video of the girl shitting in a hot tub! I'm sure Brody's ceremony will be very similar. A hot tub full of shit! Anyway, the eliminated dude will have to get out of the hot tub and leave the house dripping wet. I'm sure Gaycrest is hiding cameras in the jacuzzi jets.

Source: People

Thanks Mike

"Celebrity Rehab 2" started production yesterday at Dr. Drew's facility in Pasadena, CA and most of the cast members have been identified. Jeff Conaway who was in the first "Celebrity Rehab" is back! He should just move in there permanently. I'm just going to assume that Jeff will be in every season. He's a crowd pleaser. There's nothing like a good old-fashioned Conaway detox to kick off a show!

The rest of the cast includes Rodney King ("Can't we all just get along"), Nikki McKibbin (American Idol), Tawny Kitaen (original video ho), Amber Smith (model), Steven Adler (Guns N' Roses), Sean Stewart (son of Rod) and Gary Busey. Basically a bunch of "whos?" and THE FUCKING BUSEY!

Busey + Conaway + Detoxing = GOLD!

Heidi Fleiss, Aaron Carter and Sebastian Bach were all rumored to be part of the cast at one point. The NY Post reports Heidi dropped out at the last minute. She probably couldn't be without her 10 million parrots.

The new season premieres in October.

It was the cunts of NYC vs. the cunts of O.C. at Bravo's A-List Awards the other night in NYC.

Bethenny of NYC told People that it started while they were all going over the script. Bethenny said, “They [The O.C. Housewives] said in our material that my apartment is a two-by-four, and it’s actually a one-by-two, and so I can take it, I don’t care. But they’re offended that I’m saying something about them living 65 miles from the beach. Jeana said, ‘I don’t think that’s funny.’”

When they got backstage, it went down. Tamra from O.C. claims Bethenny went at her ass, “Bethenny scratched me a little bit. I swear to god. She tried to get me from behind and I put my arm up, and she scratched me. I covered it with makeup." Tamra's lying. Her skin just went back to normal because she's made out of plastic.

Bethenny denied the catfight, but said, “Give me a can of hairspray and a match, and I’ll take care of that in the dressing room later.” To which Tamra responded, “The Housewives of the O.C. can kick the Housewives of N.Y.C.’s ass!"

Their children must be so proud. These are 85-year-old women for fucks sake! Ok, maybe they aren't 85, but close too it. If you're going to fight, don't scratch! Shank a bitch and then kick her in the snatch bone.

I'm on neither of their teams. I'm on "Team Get This Shit On Video Next Time."