I Don't Like Jokes

The Duggar family added another BABY!!! to their unstoppable child army last night. The oldest Duggar child, Joshua, and his wife, Ann, are now the parents of a brand new baby friend they named Mackynzie Renée Duggar. Mackynzie (pronounced: SAVE ME) is the first Duggar grandchild. Mackynzie's grandparents, Michelle and Jim Bob, are going to have their 19th baby this spring.

It's not really news that another Duggar popped out a baby. Humans comes shooting out of a Duggar cooch on a daily basis. This time next month, I'm sure the Duggars will announce that Mackynzie is knocked up with triplets. There's something in the Kool-Aid over there and they all keep drinking it!

When you get a cramp in your uterus, it's because one of the Duggars got knocked up again. Your uterus is weeping.

Anyway, the real news it that Joshua and Anna might going after the letter "M." As you might know, Michelle and Jim Bob always give their children "J" names. This means that Joshua and Anna could do the same thing with the letter "M." NOOOOO!

All of us with "M" names should file a class-action lawsuit against the Duggars. We must protect the letter from them. If that doesn't work, I guess I can officially change my name to my junior high school nickname: Dyke-el. Thanks to the Duggars, the bullies have won.

Source: MSNBC

Jack Black left a medical center in Beverly Hills wearing a solo moon wolf t-shirt. I ask you, where in the hell are the other two wolves?! Were those bitches sick? Do they have laryngitis? Maybe Jack was at the clinic, because he was checking in on two sick wolfies? Or maybe he's the one with the ills since he doesn't have the magic of the three wolves protecting him?

Jack can sort of pass for a Rubenesque wolf, but it's still not the same.

This clip of Roman Polanski getting Chris Hansen-ed on To Catch a Predator has probably already played in your dreams/nightmares last week, it's finally made it's way to YouTube. It's tardy for the party, but it's here. Dreams/Nightmares realized!

And this clip needs more iced tea...

VIA Movieline (Thanks Kevin)

After Anna Nicole Smith's sugar pepaw, J. Howard Marshall II, passed away, his son tried to keep millions of dollars out of her checking account. Anna and J. Howard's son, E. Pierce Marshall, went to battle for a big piece of his multi-million dollar fortune. But would Anna actually try to knock E. Pierce off so that she could have all the money to herself?! A gold digger's gotta do.....

According to newly released FBI documents, authorities had reason to believe that Anna Nicole was involved in a plot to murder E. Pierce Marshall.

The Associated Press says that they investigated the murder-for-hire-plot in 2000 and 2001. When the FBI confronted Anna, she immediately broke down in tears and denied being involved. One of the agents wrote, "Smith adamantly denied ever contemplating such a crime." As part of their investigation, they confiscated a Wesson revolver, a knife and a Dr. Seuss hat from Anna's home. The FBI didn't explain why they took that stuff. All three items were returned to Anna seven months later.

In 2001, the FBI decided there was not enough information to go ahead with the investigation, so they closed the case and determined that Anna was not a mastermind murderess after all.

E. Pierce Marhsall died 3 years ago from natural causes.

Anna Nicole could never hurt a flea on a fluffy white dog's ass, so I doubt she tried to kill her sponsor's son. Besides, if Anna wanted to murder someone, she wouldn't use a knife or a Dr. Seuss hat. She'd simply send them nekkid pictures of Bobby Trendy.

This past May, Archie made the right choice by proposing marriage to that rich hot bitch Veronica. It was an important moment in history for money grubbin' whores everywhere. Well, in the latest Archie comic book, he proposes to that boring ass prude Betty! No, this isn't going to turn into some Big Love shit. Apparently, Archie is just imagining what his life would be like if he married either Veronica (HOT and GLITTERY) or Betty (LIMP and MISSIONARY). In real comic book life, Archie hasn't decided who he is going to stick his cartoon peen in for the rest of his days. Archie will make a decision one day, and we know how this is going to play out.

Obviously, Archie will realize that his heart really belongs to Jughead:

They don't call him Jughead for nothing! Okay, that made no sense, but it sounded kind of sexy. For real, this is the way it was meant to be. Archie should put a shiny cock ring on Jughead while Veronica in a hot dress looks on.

VIA Buzzfeed

At yesterday's Chanel show in Paris, Jehovah's sexiest witness, Prince, strolled in wearing your grandma's Sunday church suit and carrying your pimp's weekday cane. BOW DOWN! Shortly after, RiRi strolled in wearing Prince's HAIR. Oh, how I would have loved to be a fly in Karl Lagerfeld's rice noodle ponytail so that I could witness Prince throwing shade at RiRi for taking his look! When doves cry, it's because Prince stared them down.

And where can I get an application to be Prince's hand-holder, because that is the job to have.

For some reason, Levi Johnston is in a commercial for pistachios with his bodyguard/manager/Palin-blocker Tank. When I think of nuts, I usually think of Cisco Adler or Courtney Love, but I guess Levi works? Tank better cover Levi's nuts at all times, because Sarah Palin is going to try to shoot them from her plane when she watches this shit.

And who needs protection while eating nuts anyway? The best part is when the peen slaps you in the eye! If you don't enjoy that shit, I guess you can use a tripod.

Mimi and her Hello Titty balls came out to support Precious at the New York Film Festival this past weekend, but one of the movie's stars Mo'Nique was nowhere to be found. Yes, they even checked the Arby's down the street. Bitch wasn't there.

Precious is currently making the film festival rounds, and many critics think the movie will get several Oscar nominations including Best Picture, Best Actress for Gabby Sidibe (the girl in the purple below) and Best Supporting Actress for Mo'Nique. You'd think that since there's talk of Mo'Nique possibly getting the golden Oscar dildo (you know that's what Kevin Spacey uses his for) for this, she'd be out there whorin' it up. But Mo'Nique has been missing from nearly every promotional event for Precious. Some say that by Mo'Nique not playing the game, she's ruining her Oscar chances.

The New York Daily News says that Mo'Nique is refusing to pimp out the movie and her own performance for free. Mo'Nique is reportedly demanding a $100,000 appearance fee, even though the likes of Mimi and Lenny Kravitz (who are both in that shit) haven't asked for a dime. A source said, "Mo'Nique said she signed on to do this film for a small amount of money. She said she didn't care about 'no Oscar' - all that mattered was 'those Benjamins!' Because Oprah and Tyler Perry are backing the film, she feels as though there should be a budget to pay for her promotional duties."

Mo'Nique responded to the claims by saying, "When people say, 'You care more about money than winning an Oscar,' well, what does an Oscar mean? An Oscar means more work when you win it, and that means more money! I couldn't eat that Oscar. Everybody needs money, baby. That's how we survive, right?"

Mo'Nique is selling her eating skills short! I'm sure she could eat that thing if she wrapped it in puff pastry and poured nacho cheese sauce on top! But seriously, I can't hate on a bitch who says "it's all about those Benjamins." Those are the truest words ever spoken. GIT THAT MONEY!

That being said, somebody should really tell Mo'Nique about a little service called Cash4Gold! Imagine what they'd give her for an Oscar (SPOILER ALERT: Probably two rolls of quarters and a $20 gift certificate to Fingerhut)?!

This shit right here really gives me a reason to grab a bottle of peach Schnapps and go back to bed. There's a hateful rumor flying around the internet that a sparkly vampire is in the running to play a piping hot stick of ginge. Why don't they just go all the way and pull out my heart by casting Katherine Hagel or CHERYL BURKE as Prince Hot Ginge? Make it quick.

Last Week, director Peter Kosminsky said he's currently working on a biopic of Prince Hot Ginge's life called The Spare. Peter is in the middle of naming the lucky bitch who will don the ginge to play Prince Harry and RPattz's name has been thrown in the ring. Rupert Grint, the ginge in the Harry Potter movies, has also been mentioned.

Okay, I can almost co-sign Rupert as Prince Harry, because at least he's been naturally blessed with the ginge, but RPATZZ?! Shit don't make sense. I don't think it's possible to dye RPattz's magical forest hair. The unicorns will never ever allow it and the glitter will always shine through. Even if they were able to douse his hair with ginge and wipe that constant "I Haz Fart" look on his face, he's still not the one to play Hot Ginge!

Peter is wasting time with the flavors of the month and he needs to look at the classic ginges of our time like ROJO CALIENTE. Rojo is definitely the one. Rojo is always the one.

VIA BuddyTV

Emma Watson, whose brain is currently taking classes at Brown, wanted to booze it up at a football game like any other college student, but some hos at Harvard just wouldn't let her get her buzz on in peace! They had to get in her LIFE!

Page Six reports that right before a game between Brown and Harvard, this blog post went up on The Harvard Voice's website:

We will be Live-Tweetin' the game and possibly stalking Emma Watson, so keep your eyes peeled for that, too!

When the game started, so did the Tweets! The Harvard Voice's Twitter page busted out gems like: "Let's go Hermione! Lolz" and "In enemy territory. Lookin for a certain witch." After they finally found Emma in the stadium, they posted a picture of her and declared their mission a success. When some hos complained about the liveblog, The Voice's editor said the whole thing was "blown out of proportion."

This is my question, where were these eagle-eyed stalkers at Harvard when I went to see Harry Potter in Equus last year? While I was straining my damn eyeballs trying to find Harry's peen in that dark ass theater, they could've used their skills to point that shit out to me right away. Seriously, they need to leave that Hermione girl alone and use their powers for good. Good like finding wizard dick in a dark theater.