Jamie Lynn Spears

It could be my hangover playing tricks on me, but it took a few blinks for me to realize this was Jamie Lynn and not Brit Brit. Damn. Homegirl is so tan, classy and ......miserable. She's the new MiserAlba! Although, it doesn't really work on her, because her name isn't Alba. Jamie Lynn Scowls. Naw, that doesn't work. Anyway, the girl needs to drop a good queef and wipe that frown off her face. It could be worse, she could be Brit Brit! Jamie Lynn should think about that.

Here's JL in Mississippi yesterday on her way to a club to drink her grouchiness away. No, she's on her way to her second baby shower. Brit Brit probably ruined the first one by constantly farting, so Jamie Lynn's friends are making it up to her by throwing her a second one.

No, this is not a picture from the Fugly Ass Dress Convention. It's Jamie Lynne's baby shower or what Britney probably calls it "baba showa." The chick that's second from the right is my favorite. She's working that 90s look of the spaghetti dress over the tank.

OK! Magazine has these pictures in their newest issue from JL's special day. She talked to OK! about seeing Brit Brit for the first time in a while, "It was wonderful to be able to spend time with her and just be girls again. We painted our nails and did stupid stuff." The stupid stuff means they drank a whole bottle of NyQuil in the bathroom.

JL also said that Brit Brit gave her some words of wisdom. Don't spit out your coffee! Your boss is watching. JL said, "She told me, 'There are going to be some long nights, but it is completely worth it.'" She also gave her a recipe for "baby sleepy drank." It's made with bourbon, whiskey, Tylenol PM, Sunny D and Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime tea.

Jamie Lynn's baby shower was yesterday and it featured a guest appearance by Brit Brit and her Reds. The ciggie, the shoes and the weave gave her away. She should have charged Jamie Lynn an appearance fee.

Them Spearses sure do have a fancy house! You know it smells like cat piss inside and I doubt they even have a cat! These shots totally reminds me of The Sims. The Sims: Trailer Trash With Money Edition! I'm surprised Bobby Joe didn't run out in the backyard waving a shot gun at the helicopters.

All this baby shower talk has me craving Gerbers bananas baby food topped with a little Cool Whip. Shut the hell up. It's a delicious desert snack.

Jamie Lynn's baby shower is tomorrow and Brit Brit will be there! That's if she doesn't hijack the plane and force the pilot to take her to the Starbucks Headquarters in Seattle. I haven't the see the girl without a Frapp in ages. You know her veins are starting to pop from not being fed the right stuff.

An insider told Life & Style that Jamie Lynn's baby shower will be held at Lynn's house. Daddy Spears gave the OK for Brit to attend. The insider added, “At first, Jamie [Brit’s dad and also her guardian these days] didn’t think it was a good idea for Brit to go. He thought it might create chaos in Kentwood, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to put Jamie Lynn — or Britney — in the middle of that. Britney can’t travel without Jamie’s permission, so she worked really hard to talk him into it; it was so important for her to be there for her little sister. He finally gave in, knowing it’d be good for Brit and Jamie Lynn to finally see each other.”

I smell something fishy and it's not Brit's panty pudding. She's going to sabotage Jamie Lynn's special day!

Brit's going to show up wearing a fake pregnancy bump. She's going to tell everyone how "awesome and cool" it was for them to attend her shower. Then she's going to devour all the chocolate from the diapers that were set aside for the poopy game.

Barbara Jean better get that shit on video and upload it to YouTube! I don't know who Barbara Jean is, but I'm sure they have a cousin or two with that name.

Here's some pictures of Jamie Lynn with a huge bump holding a puppy yesterday. You know puppy is rolling its eyes.

17-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears is scared about giving birth to a real-life baby. A source told Star Magazine that Lynne Spears tried to ease Jamie Lynn's fears by showing her a video of natural birth.

The source said, "She wanted to show Jamie Lynn what a woman goes through giving birth, that it's a natural and beautiful thing, but all Jamie Lynn saw was the blood — or 'goop,' as she called it — the screaming and the pain. It was too graphic for her. She flipped out and literally got sick."

In Jamie Lynn's defense, Lynne probably showed her a video of Brit Brit giving birth. That would make anyone blow chunks.

Jamie Lynn might skip the whole "baby coming out of vagina" thing and get a c-section instead. The source added, "She wants to be knocked out and then wake up when it's all over." Don't we all?

Jamie Lynn should be looking forward to giving birth for one reason only: DRUGS!!! She can start with a little epidural followed by a morphine drip. Can they give you both at once? I should look into that.

Lynne Spears spoke out to Life & Style about Jamie Lynn being knocked up. You know, because she just has to talk to someone about it.

Lynne told the magazine on April 20th, "I’m a bit disappointed that my youngest daughter got pregnant at such an early age. All I can do is turn to God for answers and just leave it in his hands. Jamie Lynn will be a wonderful mother She really has a way with children — she’s a natural nurturer. I just wish she had waited a bit.”

Oh please! Just because Jamie Lynn hasn't completely destroyed her Baby Alive doll, doesn't mean she's going to make a good mother. Lynne needs to seriously save the parrot caca for her book.

Lynne also talked about Britney, "I pray for Britney every day to be a better mother. She’s gone through a lot of trauma, but she seems to be coming out of it — and it’s showing in her relationship with the boys. They’re really bonding. I think 2008 will be a better year for all of us."

Shouldn't Lynne be praying for Brit and Jamie Lynn instead of talking to a celebrity weekly? It sounds like she has a lot of praying ahead of her.

Here's Brit Brit with Daddy Spears at the bank yesterday. She looks freshly laundered! The boots are attached to her feet forever, so get used to it.

I received the subliminal message you sent about desperately wanting to know what Jamie Lynn Spears did on her 17th Birfday. Well, here it is in all its normal Louisiana glory! She went to Wal-Mart and Ruby Tuesday's with that Casey Aldridge boy. Yup, that's it. No fanfare and no Brit Brit.

If I lived in Kentwood, that's what I would be doing on my special day. I like buying cheap crap and I like eating delicious things. Sounds like an overall good night.

I haven't been to a RubeTues in forever, so I decided to visit their website and brush up on their menu to see what I would order if I was with Jamie Lynn on her special day. I'm thinking I would start with the Thai Poon Shrimp. Anything with the word Phoon in it has been delicious, right? I'm thinking the Bayou Sirloin for entree. It's Louisiana, so you must taste their local flavors. The chocolate tallcake for dessert! I would crack a joke to the waitress while ordering it about how I hope she brings Denzel Washington covered in whipped cream. She would immediately call the police and tell them she got herself a queer in the building. I'm joking! Those Southern folks respect their gays! She would tell them she got herself a homersexual in the building.

Do you think Jamie Lynn Spears is sitting there thinking, "I've got the pregnant queefs, I'm wearing this engagement ring that I had to pay for and I'm not even old enough to vote. Where did my life go?" Yeah, probably not. She's really thinking, "I wonder if my baby is going to be fat. Ugh. I really hope he's not fat. Can you put a baby on Hoodia? Yeah probably...I mean...if I smash it down with banana. Oh lord, please don't give me a fat baby."

Here's Jamie Lynn running errands in Kentwood yesterday. What's that pink thing she's carrying? It's a girl! She's totally going to name her Casey Jamie. Either Casey Jamie or Chikezie. Jamie Lynn strikes me as a Chikezie fan and you know she's considered naming her baby after him.

I'm going through Jamie Lynn's registry and thinking what to get her. It's between the $800 stroller and the $300 car seat. SERIOUSLY! Teens these days are so spoiled! One day they want the newest pair of sneakers, then they want an iPhone, and then they want an expensive ass stroller for their unborn baby. So selfish!

JL registered at Babies "R" Us the other day in Baton Rouge. Can't she buy that shit herself? Bitch is rich.

Registries are so weird. Why the hell did she register for batteries? That's probably what Brit Brit is going to get her.

The one thing she really needs is not even on her registry....A CLUE. I'm joking. She will make a wonderful mother. I couldn't even type that without laughing. Terrible.

Here's some video from E! of JL walking around parking lots. It's fascinating shit.

Oh and Jamie Lynn, I totally SUPPRT you.

A family source has told People that 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears has been showing off an engagement ring given to her by Casey Aldridge. Let's try and guess where Casey bought this lovely bauble? I'm thinking it's between Wal-Mart, HSN, QVC or he got it from a Cracker Jacks box and felt that was a sign.

The source said, "She's got an engagement ring. She's been showing it off, talking about it." 18-year-old Casey and Jamie Lynn's baby is due in the Summer. They have also been looking to buy a home near Kentwood.

QUICK! Somebody get on the clam with CMT's "My Big Redneck Wedding" right now. Jamie Lynn and Casey's blessed event needs to be documented for TV.

It's going to be the hottest wedding ever. Just think of the food and decoration alone! Brit Brit is totally going to show up in her old wedding dress, because she will not let the spotlight fall on Jamie Lynn.