Suri Suri

DOES NOT COMPUTE. Stepford Katie and the cutest little robot since Vicki visited a park in NYC yesterday while Tommy Girl was getting his daily prosty tickle back at their apartment.

Yes, Suri is still on the bottle. Leave Suri alooooooone! It's the only way she can deal with all the crazy aliens she's always around. When Tommy fills her bottle with barley water, she sneaks in a little miracle water aka vodka. That's why she's always drinking from that shit! That's why she's looking at Stepford Katie like, "Youuuu knoww what your problemmmm isssss...."

Katie really, really needs to learn how to tight-roll properly. That shit is a joke. If you're going to bring it back, do it right.

Does Tommy Girl put a scoop of Miracle-Gro in Suri's barley water bottle, because homegirl got tall. Tommy Girl is going to need some platform heels. 2-year-old Suri is going to be as tall as him by next year.

Yes, she's still on the bottle. She's going to be on the bottle for the next 60 years, so we just need to deal with it. I bet you Tommy Girl is still on the bottle. He sucks in the privacy of his own dungeon, though.

It's also a miracle that they let Suri walk. She has no idea what to do. They haven't perfected that program yet.

Here's TG, Suri and Stepford Katie on the set of "Eli Stone" yesterday. Katie is currently shooting a cameo on the show. Is she playing Liza Minnelli or an HGTV host? That fucking hair.

How is Suri functioning without a full bottle of barley water? They are probably injecting her ass with it, because they get so much crap for keeping her on the bottle. Suri needs her barley fix! Suri also needs to call up Ken Paves on her robot phone and schedule an appointment STAT! She needs to cut that alien bob. Homegirl needs her own identity. She's looking like Tommy Girl Jr. and that is not good for her reputation.

Here's Suri, Tommy Girl, Katie and Katie's parents getting into a hearse in Beverly Hills last night. Suri's memaw looks like Jane Lynch in a silver wig. Shit, it probably IS Jane Lynch. Tommy Girl cast her ass to play Katie's mommy.

Tommy Girl dragged the whole clan out yesterday to see his man, David Beckham, play that sport where they kick a ball around. Tommy wants to be that ball soooo bad. It was nice of Tommy to let Isabella and Connor out of their alien cages. He made them come to the game or else they would have to spend 6-months at Scientology camp. They are still having nightmares over the last time they were there.

Katie's hair is looking more and more "Stepford Wifey" each day. One day she's going to show up wearing and apron and carrying a fresh baked apple pie. They creep me the fuck out! These pictures look like stills from "The Others."

Tommy Cruise never lets go of Katie. NEVER. He's either grasping her hand or holding her back. The bitch cannot keep his hands off of her. He might as well put a leash on her. Better yet, install LoJack in her ass. If Katie wasn't a robot, she would probably tell him to step the fuck off.

The twin aliens went to see "The Country Girl" on Broadway last night. Please. You know Tommy Girl really wanted to go see Xanadu. He totally knows all the steps and songs. I know I do. Well, I'm gay. We know these things.

Here's also some pics of TomKat with Suri boarding a helicopter earlier today. If Tommy wasn't busy trying to keep Katie from running away, he'd notice that Suri isn't wearing shoes. The precious robot is cold! Put some Uggs on those feetsies. Damn.

Suri and those two creepy aliens were in NYC today. I should stalk their asses and throw water on Katie to see if she malfunctions.

Did Suri get into Tommy Girl's Miss Clairol stash, because homegirl's hair looks lighter. I know it's the thing in Hollywood to go lighter, but the girl is 2. She should at least wait until she's 3! What's next? A titty job?

I'm sure it's natural. Suri keeps it real. Seriously, she probably just walked in on Tommy Girl doing Xenu knows what and her hair went light from the shock of it all.

And someone should really check Suri into Promises for her barley water addiction. It's getting a little out of hand. We're going to find her roaming the farms and fields jonesing for a barley fix.

Maddox and Suri are finally together thanks to Photoshop and Radar Magazine. Actually, I think they used MSPaint, because clearly this was a quick "copy and paste" job. And Suri would never wear that shit! She only wears couture fashions straight off the runways of Paris!

Shiloh is pissed that Maddox made the cover and she didn't. Maddox is going to pay for this.

Source: Cover Awards VIA ONTD

Suri Cruise celebrated her second year alive with an alien themed Birthday party yesterday. It wasn't really "alien themed," but there were tons of Scientologists there, so it's the same thing. I see that Tommy Girl wore his special platform white sneakers for this occasion. You know he got those at Lady Footlocker.

Tommy also brought Connor and Isabel out of hiding to attend the Birthday party. Nicole Kidman couldn't make it, because she doesn't give a shit.

How much do you want to make a bet that Tommy is going to try and pass off Suri's little doll as his next child. They are made from the same parts. Could be believable.