Jenna Jameson

The theme of the month is: whores having twins! This past weekend, Charlie Sheen welcomed twinsies to the world and now Jenna Jameson has popped out a double in Newport Beach, CA. That's what AVN.com says.

Jenna queefed out her twins sometime this morning. Seriously, she just opened up, let the wind blow and out came the babies. They probably came out swinging on their umbilical cords through her cracked sugar walls. A bright light came shining out of her snatch. It's like when Locke fell down the well on Lost. Only in reverse!

No word on what she named her babehs. I'm going to take a wild guess and say she wrote down Cunnilingus Sixty Nine and Fellatio Money Shot on their birth certificates.

Jenna Jameson is knocked up with Baby Huey's twins, so she doesn't think it's a good idea to have a silk couch around the house. If you want to lay on Jenna's stank, it will cost you at least $9,500. Here's the description from the eBay auction:

This barely used silk Casa Armani sofa belongs to Jenna Jameson. Now that she and her beau Tito have purchased a new home and are having twins, they have decided that a silk couch might not be necessary.

The original purchase price was at least double what it is being auctioned for.

If you replace the words "silk" and "couch" with "sick" and "cooch," the auction might make more sense to you. Jenna's sick cooch will set you back 9500 clams, but you'll end up paying twice as much for the ass transplant you'll need after catching all kinds of jungle diseases from that shit. As soon as you sit down, you'll scream, "O mah Jeebus! Mah ass done combusted!" Normally when that happens to me, I just put a little Vaseline on it and then shake it off, but I don't think that will work in this case.

VIA Socialite Life

Jenna Jameson has confirmed that she's pregnant with twins. Yawn. Who isn't knocked up with two babies nowadays? Bitch needed to tell us she was holding 8 babies in there for me to be slightly amused. And yes, she can hold 8 babies in her bony body. They can all chill out in her vagina cave. Shit. We can all chill out in there and play a game of dodgeball while watching the acrobats of Cirque du Soleil perform above us.

Anybigvaggy, Jenna announced the lovely news on her MySpace. Let me sum it up for you:

Yes everyone, I can officially confirm that Tito and I are expecting twins! I had my second ultrasound today and was greeted by two big healthy babies with pounding hearts. I can't even express the extreme serenity that came over me once I saw my children inside me. It has been my dream to have children for an exremely long time, and I truly feel like finally... the time is right and god has blessed me. I have never felt more like a woman, or more alive.

I have officially gained 7 pounds so far, and am planning on a lot more. I crave fruit by the gallon... ornages and pineapple are at the top of my list. Cereal at 3 am suits me every night!

Is it just me or did you feel like you needed a hot bath in bleach after reading that? It might be my gutter tramp mind.

Congrats to Porn Mommy and Baby Huey! If she doesn't name them Dildo and Ducky, I'm going to be very disappointed.

Tito Ortiz, we already know how big it is. You don't have to show us. And it's not something you should be proud of.

Don't ask me how this happened, but Jenna Jameson might be pre...preg...pregnant. I can't even type that out. There have been rumors that Jenna is knocked up after she announced her retirement from porn earlier this year.

A source told Page Six, "She had a bunch of meetings and things planned for Fashion Week, including meetings for her own line, but she's postponed everything. She's completely thrilled, this is something she's wanted for a very long time."

How did they manage that? I'm convinced Baby Huey has roly poly dick and we already know Jenna's coochie played the bat cave in "Batman Begins." You know when he sticks it in, he hears an echo.

And I'm not sure these two should combine genes. She's going to pop out a really skank duck who will never figure out the answer to 2 + 2. The answer is 4, right?

Jenna Jameson was partying at London's Chinawhite club the other night when she was reportedly thrown out for allegedly attempting to do drugs in the bathroom. The Sun reports that earlier in the night, Jenna did a raunchy dance for players from Chelsea United. After her finished with them, she tried to use the bathroom, but was immediately stopped by the attendant.

A source said, "She just asked if one of her friends could go in with her in the toilets to touch up her make-up before facing the paparazzi. But the toilet attendant said no, and kicked off. The bouncers called us American pigs, which brought Jenna to tears."

Jenna's not a pig! She's more like a turtle/lizard creature. People shouldn't be so judgmental! She was trying to get her protein for the day.

Well, her rubber vagina anyway. LAist reports that a man broke into a sex store called Erogenous Zone in Fullerton, CA and stole a rubber replica of Jenna Jameson's pussy and ass.

Video surveillance caught the dude trying to break the glass door with a rock. That didn't work, so he shattered the display window instead and headed inside. He tried to crack open the cash register and when that didn't work, he grabbed the $250 fake Jenna pussy and headed out. Click here to see the product. Batteries not included!

$250 for Jenna's fake pussy?! If you wait a few years, you can get the real thing for like $100 on Sunset Blvd. The description for her fake pussy reads, "Want to slip into something more comfortable? How about Jenna's tight little pussy or even her puckered butt hole?" The words "Jenna, tight and pussy" do not belong in the same sentence.

She can catch flies with her coochie! Jenna Jameson showed up to Comic Con in New York on Friday looking like she slithered in from the forest. Let's cut off her clit and see if it grows back! Yeah, what clit? That shit probably got destroyed a long ass time ago.