Shia LaDOUCHE

Mommy lover Shia LaDouche paid homage to Bob Dylan by wearing this t-shirt to LAX yesterday. While I plan to make my own using a Sharpie and a ratty Fruit of the Loom (SHUT UP!!) t-shirt, you will never see me wearing that shit to a damn airport! That's just asking for a rubber finger and a flashlight up your culo! On second thought......this is the only t-shirt I should wear to the airport. You gotta get it where you can!

Megan Fox is not only one of the most prolific thinkers of our time, but she also knows how to show up to premiere looking like a Downtown Las Vegas stripper on the prowl for a dollar, a dick and a dream! An elegant dress like this could take you from a dinner at a fancy restaurant to getting quick dicked in the back of an '89 Chrysler LeBaron. This dress has it all. Megan Fox made the right choice and by the looks of it, her nippies also approve.

I know this might be giving you flavors of St. Angie's freakum dress from Cannes, but Megan does it better. Megan has the "I will lick yo taint for a Diet Rite" attitude to pull it off with grace and class. And Megan would totally win against St. Angie in a debate on philosophy and stuff like that.

Here's more of Megan with Shia LaDouche at the Berlin premiere of Trannyformers tonight. In some of the pictures, it looks like she's trying to steal Shia's wallet. Once a shady ho, always a shady ho!!

Nothing gets your day going quite like incest-talk, right? Put down the hypodermic needle filled with coffee, because you won't be need your injection of caffeine this morning.

When asked by Hot Hits what's the weirdest thing he's ever read about himself, Shia said:

"That I have sex with my mother on a regular basis... it's so freaking outrageous."

Shia has said in the past that he would be with his mother if he could. He also said that he got his sense of humor by seeing her walk around the house with her bare titty balls dragging on the floor.

Methinks Shia just needs to stop talking about his mother altogether. Whenever he starts a sentence with "My mother...", you know it's going to make you pound your head into the table until the thought he just put into your brain comes pouring out of your ears. Just don't, Shia. Only talk about how good your mother's cookies are and that's it. Actually, no. Don't talk about your mother's cookie.

Furthermore, who ever said Shia was doing fuck times with his mama je'e?! And notice how he only said he doesn't do it "regularly." Okay, I need to stop, drop and roll. I hate Shia for this.

Image: Fame Pictures

Shia LaOedipus already made us all turns our heads, cross our arms and give him a side-eye for saying that if he could be with his super sexy mother, he would. Well, Shia is back for more! During an interview with Parade Magazine, they asked him where he got his sense of humor from. They probably regretted asking the question.

"My humor came from seeing my parents have sex, smoke weed, my mom being naked -- just weird hippie stuff, twisted R-rated humor."

You know, fuck Shia for giving me the image of him smoking the good shit while laughing at his parents wet humping like two seals. Since they are hippies, they are probably into doing that tantric shit on Persian rugs. The room probably smelled like patchouli, burnt weed and hot mayo. Not hilarious. Not humorous.

Shia, save this kind of shit for your deep conversations with Professor Whore Face.

Damn. When Shia and Megan have a private conversation, every light bulb in the room burns out.

The oldest trick in the whore book! At today's premiere of Trannyformers in Tokyo, Megan Fox pulled the good old "Oh, let me peek at Shia while I accidentally rub my nalgas all over Josh Duhamel's crotch area." Well, played. If only she would've reached a little higher. So close to being a bullseye. This is the Megan Fox that I like. The Megan that takes every available opportunity to get a little more dick in her life. Because when life hands you Duhamel wang, you have to grab it with your ass cheeks.

Here's Megan wearing a prom dress fit for the sluttiest girl in high school at the premiere today along with Mr. Fuggie Fug, Shia LaDouche, Tyrese, Michael Bay, Ramon Rodriguez and Isabel Lucas. Why does Shia have his hands behind his back in almost every picture? Gambled and lost?

Justin Timberlake should really just become a full-time ho on SNL, because that's the only time I can stand his annoying ass. That is his calling right there. Last night, JT hosted and presented the sequel to Dick In A Box called Mother Lover. This song can also be called Shia's Anthem.

And this time, Justin and Andy Samberg brought Susan Sarandon and Patricia Clarkson with them. That's what did it for me. Patricia caressing herself with a daisy? I can't.

Happy Muthah's Day. Let's NOT celebrate by fucking each other's mother's. Maybe next year.

Click here if you can't see that shit above.

When someone asks you a question, you don't always have to tell the whole truth. A simple "Mind your own fucking business" or "Rojo Caliente" (that works for everything) would suffice. Shia obviously hasn't mastered that art, because when Playboy asked him about who he thinks the sexiest woman is, he pulled out this little nugget from his back pocket:

"Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She's an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds."

While I completely agree with Shia that his mother is indeed the sexiest panty-creaming bitch in the Greater Los Angeles area, I think he should've saved this sucioness for his therapist....or his dealer...or his nightmares. Because now I can't look at pictures of them without thinking Shia wants to get on that. Thank you for that, Shia.

VIA Star Magazine

IN THIS ECONOMY, Hollywood should not be making a sequel to Wall Street 2. If we wanted to see some depressing tale about how we're all going to be shanking each other for a place in the bread line next year, we'll save our pennies and turn on the TV instead. Not using their brains: Hollywood is doing right.

Both Michael Douglas and Oliver Stone will be back for the sequel. Shila LaDouche has also been signed on to play a young trader. Gregg Brilliant, a spokeswhore for 20th Century Fox said, "We need to keep the story line under wraps, but it's literally ripped from today's headlines. It's going to be very big and very cool."

Fuck Wall Street 2! I want to see a movie about Fox spokeswhore Gregg Brilliant. You know he has stories to tell. With a name like that he must be a superhero on the down low. Or an infomercial salesman on the down low. Or a toothpaste fetishist on the down low. Something on the down low!

Besides, shouldn't Gordon Gekko be sipping cold Ovaltine in the cafeteria of some retirement home in Boca by now? Bitch is too old to deal with this recession shit.

VIA HuffPo

You know, I'm always on the fence on whether or not I'd let Shia LaDouche tip it or go nuts deep. If he wore that paper bag, I'd let him hit that shit until one of us passed out or barfed (it happens). And that plastic bag over his wrist cast just confirms to me that he isn't above using a Dollar Tree plastic baggie and rubber band if he doesn't have a condom handy.

Shia and a big-tittied friend walked the streets of Glendale, CA today in matching paper bag masks and plastic bag gloves to "disguise" themselves from the pappies. Oh, Shia. Why so smarty? But seriously, this made me like him a little bit. Just a little. For a quick second. And I hope that when he's done with that bag, he'll pass it over to the dolphin god known as Michael Phelps.

Shia LaDouche strolled into LAX yesterday with an old timey doctor's bag in one hand and the other hand still suffering from an owie. He looked like someone went pee pee in his whiskey bottle. He looks constipated, blue ball-ey, pained and huffy! Maybe he injuired hand is his "turtle pettin'" hand.

Based on his faces in these pictures, I believe Shia needs more Vicodin and a (NSFW) foot job.