Shia LaDOUCHE

When I get together with my friends, we usually do each other's nails, drink Bartles & Jaymes and make friendship bracelets. Straight douchetards like Shia LaBeouf do things a little differently. They get hammered on Bud, call each other "faggot" and dare their "dawg" to bitch slap them.

Shia using the word "faggot" doesn't bother me as much as that puny bitch slap. Alexis Carrington could deliver a better slap. If you get the opportunity to slap a douche, make it count.

VIA ONTD

This is not what I had in mind when I said that I wanted to get into Shia LaBeouf's panties! An auction featuring Shia's worn undies has gone up on eBay. The current bid is at $400.

The auction reads:

OWN SCREEN WORN SHIA UNDERWEAR!
PLEASE NOTE: COSTUME IS "AS IS" WHICH INCLUDES MAKEUP STAINS, DIRT; ETC! (Again, these items was worn and used for filming by Shia)

This costume was worn by Shia in the film, "A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints".

You receive, a pair of grey sweatpants, a pair of white breifs and ankle socks. Each items is tagged "YD" (meaning: the character Young Dito as played by Shia in the film)!

This item comes with a letter of authenticity from First Look Media and an explanation of it's donation to Actor's Equity! It is noted by First Look that this item is "one of a kind" ...and indeed it is!

Dirt stains? That's just Hollywood talk for skid marks. You just know the boy doesn't know how to wipe properly. I mean, Shia recently said that he used to shit on himself until the age of 12.

It doesn't gross me out that someone put Shia's panties on eBay. It does gross me out thinking about what the winner will do with those panties. Bitch is going to have a grand ole' time!

Click here to bid (you know you want to, I won't judge)

UPDATE: The listing has already been removed. Dreams crushed!

Source: ONTD

What the hell is happening to my Adrien Brody! I blame that slut girlfriend of his! I knew I couldn't trust her and her glistening bosoms. Dumb skank. It's her fault that Adrien is quickly turning into the afghan hound of my nightmares! He needs to cut that grease mop and take a few globs of NADS to the pubes growing on his face. He looks like my high school band teacher who liked to massage his nipples in front of the whole class. Adrien, you can massage your nipples in front of me anytime. Just shave the face pubies first.

Here's Young Yanni with skank girlfriend at the Indiana Jones premeire at Cannes today. It wouldn't be an Indiana premiere without Shia LaDouche. I had a dream the other night that Shia asked me to marry him. I turned him down. Instead of crying and threatening suicide, he asked some twat next to me the same question. What a dickwad! LaDouche escored the lovely Karen Allen to tonight's premiere. Where the hell has she been?

Natalie Portman was also there. Natalie is Natalie. She's beautiful, but so fucking annoying.

Shia LaBeouf is reportedly off the market, because he's fallen for Lauren Hastings. I guess his douche one-liners worked on someone.

23-year-old Lauren made headlines last year after she accused HoHan of stealing $10,000 worth of clothes from her. She also claimed HoHan, Samantha Ronson and Nicole Richie called her a fat ass. Mean Girls indeed. HoHan denied it, but Lauren stands by her story.

Well, now Shia can buy the chick some new clothes. A source told Life & Style, "He met her through a mutual friend and thought she was one of the most beautiful girls he'd ever seen."

At least Shia is finally getting some action. I was going to send him a Jenna Jameson rubber pussy, because I was starting to feel sorry for him.

Hastings Image: Buzznet

Shia LaBeouf was trying to get a little nanni at the Beatrice Inn in NYC the other night, but there weren't any takers. Page Six reports that Shia was "desperately seeking a lady . . . but none of the hipster hotties were standing for it." Those dumb skanks! The dude has been arrested at a Walgreens! That's reason enough to fuck him.

Shia was apparently so hard up for coochie that he turned to one chick and said, "How do I get a girl to go home with me?" That line would work on me, but I'm a sure thing. Even the line, "How are you?" immediately makes me take off my clothes.

Shia should have tried a different bar and by "different bar" I mean my apartment.