Sadness

When my ass didn't have cable, I used to watch Are You Being Served? all the time, so this news hurts deep! The Daily Mail says that Mollie Sugden, the genius actress who played Mrs. Slocombe on the show, died today at the age of 86. Mollie's agent said that she was battling an illness for quite some time.

Mollie is survived by her twin sons. They were by her side when she went off to the giant department store in the sky.

Mrs. Slocombe is my forever favorite on that show, because she talked about her pussy all the time. Mrs. Slocombe in her cotton candy wig yammering on about her pussy will make me laugh until I queef every time.

Rest in peace, Mrs. Slocombe... Heaven is now brighter. No, it really is, because of her technicolor wigs.

Here's a classic clip of Mrs. Slocombe talking about her wet pussy.

CNN says that Michael Jackson's body will go back home to Neverland on Thursday morning. There will be a public viewing on Friday and a private memorial service on Sunday at Neverland. It's not really know if Michael will be buried at Neverland. The Mayor of Gary, Indiana, Michael's hometown, has asked him family to bury him in their town. He said that Michael could be buried on the grounds of a new Jackson family museum and performing arts center. Translation: They want the tourist cash.

If you live near Neverland, you better beam yourself out of there now, because it's going to be lunacy. The tears from all his fans will flood the whole city, so if you stay, you better keep a kayak and some snorkel equipment handy. You also better get some ear plugs, because their wails will make your ear drums collapse.

When I first read about this, my skin crinkled at the thought of an open casket, but I don't know if they will go that far. Nothing surprises me anymore, though. Imagine all the MySpace and Facebook default pictures of sick hos posing with his body? I weep. Facebook needs to an install an "I Quit This Bitch" button for that reason alone!

And I better not see pictures of Joe Jackson selling tickets and souvenir brochures outside.....

Image: Reuters

The coroner in Tampa, FL held a press conference today where he said that Billy Mays most likely died from a pulmonary embolism. He went on to say that "Billy Mays had an enlarged heart, a thickening of the wall of the ventricle which takes blood to the heart." An official cause of death won't be announced for a few more weeks when all the test results come in.

The day before his death, Billy was a passenger on a US Airways flight that had a bad landing which caused some stuff to fall on his head. Right after news of Billy's death punched us all in the soul, the FAA issued a statement to TMZ saying that he wasn't wearing a seat belt at the time. They later took back the statement by saying they never said it. Translation: We know we weren't right for saying that shit in the first place.

I guess it's not much of a surprise seeing as though Billy shouted more than my abuelita during a children's birthday party. You know what they say, "Don't shout so much or you may..." You know. Sads. Hopefully, Billy is up there in heaven YELLING at everyone!!!!!

Here's a clip that will wash off the thin layer of skeeziness left by the grand master of whoring Joe Jackson (see below). Janet didn't walk the red carpet or promote anything, she simply just spoke from the heart before a tribute performance by Ne-Yo and Jamie Foxx (no comment on that one).

NOOOOO!!!! What in the fuck is going on?! It has been confirmed that infomercial superstar Billy Mays has been taken away from us at the young age of 50. Billy was found by his wife at their home in Tampa, FL at around 7:45 this morning. No cause of death is known at this time, but an autopsy on Billy's body is scheduled for tomorrow. Foul play is not suspected. Billy was supposed to have his third hip replacement surgery tomorrow. Billy's wife issued this statement:

"Although Billy lived a public life, we don't anticipate making any public statements over the next couple of days. Our family asks that you respect our privacy during these difficult times."

Billy had just returned to Tampa from Philadelphia where he was filming an infomercial for OxiClean. Billy's plane had a little issues during landing. Billy Twittered yesterday: "Just had a close call landing in Tampa. The tires blew out upon landing. Stuck in the plane on the runway. You can always count on US Air."

As much as Billy's sawdust voice made my ears chaffey, I will still miss it and him! Nobody could yell at us while selling a household cleaning product quite like him. Let's all wish Billy a safe journey to the giant infomercial in the sky.... May he rest in peace.....

Source

Elizabeth Taylor has issued a statement about the death of her bestest bestie. Sads.

"My heart ... my mind ... are broken. I loved Michael with all my soul and I can't imagine life without him. We had so much in common and we had such loving fun together. I was packing up my clothes to go to London for his opening when I heard the news. I still can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. It can't be so. He will live in my heart forever but it's not enough. My life feels so empty. I don't think anyone knew how much we loved each other. The purest most giving love I've ever known. Oh God! I'm going to miss him. I can't yet imagine life without him. But I guess with God's help ... I'll learn. I keep looking at the photo he gave me of himself, which says, 'To my true love Elizabeth, I love you forever.' And, I will love HIM forever."

Source

You know how some of my friends paid tribute to Farrah Fawcett yesterday? They sent me pictures of themselves striking the "Charlie's Angels pose" in their Jill Munroe wigs. Seriously, I got 5 e-mails like that. I guess everyone has a Jill wig. I have one, but sadly it's at my mom's house or I'd be rocking it all weekend. That is what Farrah would have wanted!

Farrah's co-angels also paid tribute yesterday by speaking about her passing.

Kate Jackson: "I will miss Farrah every day. She was a selfless person who loved her family and friends with all her heart, and what a big heart it was. Farrah showed immense courage and grace throughout her illness and was an inspiration to those around her. When I think of Farrah, I will remember her kindness, her cutting, dry wit and, of course, her beautiful smile."

Jaclyn Smith: "Farrah had courage. she had strength, and she had faith. And now she has peace as she rests with the real angels."

Cheryl Ladd: "She was incredibly brave, and God will be welcoming her with open arms."

Finally, from Charlie: "Though I did not know her well, Farrah left an indelible mark on me and the public during her one-year reign on Charlie's Angels. She put up a gallant fight against her unforgiving disease and I send my deepest sympathy and prayers to her family and friends."

Source

It seems that every celebrity on the planet has issued a statement about the passing of Michael Jackson. Seriously, every single. Below is just a few from those who worked with him or knew him well. Understandably, Elizabeth Taylor just can't deal right now, so her rep said she will issue a statement at a later time.

Brooke Shields: "My heart is overcome with sadness for the devastating loss of my true friend Michael. He was an extraordinary friend, artist and contributor to the world. I join his family and his fans in celebrating his incredible life and mourning his untimely passing."

Madonna: "I can't stop crying over the sad news. I have always admired Michael Jackson. The world has lost one of the greats, but his music will live on forever! My heart goes out to his three children and other members of his family. God bless."

Lisa Marie Presley: "I am so very sad and confused with every emotion possible. I am heartbroken for his children, who I know were everything to him, and for his family. This is such a massive loss on so many levels, words fail me."

Quincy Jones: "I am absolutely devastated at this tragic and unexpected news. For Michael to be taken away from us so suddenly at such a young age, I just don't have the words."

Liza Minnelli: "He was a kind, genuine, and wonderful man. He was also one of the greatest entertainers that ever lived. I loved him very much and I will miss him every remaining day of my life."

Corey Feldman: "I come to you today with great sadness, acknowledging the loss of the greatest entertainer in the history of mankind. For me he was more than that, he was my idol, he was a role model, he was someone to cry to when my childhood was unbearable, he was a brother, he was a dear friend. Unfortunately Michael and I had a falling out on September 10th 2001 and that broken friendship had never been repaired … I am filled with tremendous sadness and remorse. All I choose to remember from this point is the good times we shared and what an inspiration he was to me and the rest of the world. Nobody will ever be able to do what Michael Jackson has done in this industry, and he was so close to doing it all again. I am truly, and deeply sorry for all of the heartbroken fans and supporters worldwide."

Source, Source, Source

TMZ is reporting that that Michael Jackson died in Los Angeles from cardiac arrest. The Los Angeles Times, AP, CNN and CBS all confirm the report. The L.A. Times says doctors pronounced him dead after he arrived at the hospital in a deep coma. He was only 50-years-old.

I really don't know what to say. I am completely shocked. This doesn't feel like real life! TMZ has all the details. I'll write a little more later.

And I'm back (FYI: this part was written a couple of hours later). I just finished watching hours upon hours of Michael Jackson coverage and I still don't really know what to say. I will say that the dude made awesome music. That's a fact. You know you busted your shit to at least one Michael Jackson song in your bedroom, a club, a parking lot, a high school gymnasium, etc... The first time I ever drunkenly fell off the stage at a club, "Scream" was playing. Yes, I remember that. I also remember staying up late to watch the premiere of "Remember the Time" on MTV (back when MTV still played videos). I recorded it over Maid to Over on VHS, just so I could watch it a bunch of times.

Michael Jackson's music will live on forever. Hos will be dancing to it for the rest of eternity. Below is my favorite Michael Jackson song. It's also one of my favorite karaoke songs. I mean, you can't lose when singing about special rat friends:

And here's a few pictures of Michael through the years.

After a long battle with cancer, Farrah Fawcett has passed away at the young age of 62. Ryan O'Neal and her good friend Alana Stewart were both at St. John's Health Center in Los Angeles with Farrah when she died. While leaving the hospital, Alana told ET, "I just lost my best friend. Her death was very peaceful."

Ryan released this statement: "After a long and brave battle with cancer, our beloved Farrah has passed away. Although this is an extremely difficult time for her family and friends, we take comfort in the beautiful times that we shared with Farrah over the years and the knowledge that her life brought joy to so many people around the world."

Farrah is survived by her 24-year-old son Redmond.

We were all expecting this, but it still brings the sads. Farrah was a funny, talented, vibrant and beautiful lady! And she had good hair. She had really good hair.

May Farrah rest in peace.... And this is totally cliche, but it's the only thing I can think of right now: Heaven gets another angel.