Rojo Caliente

The greatest news of all-time was announced today in NYC! Cynthia Nixon told the crowd at the Love, Peace and Marriage Equality rally that she is officially becoming Mrs. Rojo Caliente!!!! REJOICE!!!!!!! May a million gayelle angels sing!

According to Access Hollywood, Cynthia said she got engaged to Rojo Caliente last month!!!!! Seriously, my heart actually beat when I heard the news and I can't remember the last time that happened! My heart cares! I could hug a strap-on! I could kiss a power tool! I could canoodle with a pair of Bugle Boy khakis (pleated, of course)! I could dance with a Home Depot card! I could skip hand-in-hand with a flannel shirt through a field of red ferns! This is the news I've been waiting to hear. Seriously, today should be declared an International holiday! As should the day they got engaged. As should the day they get married!

Rojo is going to make the most beautifulest bride in history!

Is that really a beautiful sawdust-covered ginge rainbow I see before me? While trolling the ho stroll last night, I wondered why the homeless people looked shiny and why the mangy pigeons picking at dirty maxi-pads looked so glimmery. Now I know why! That's because the goddess of gayelle ginges, Rojo Caliente, spread her beauty all over the streets of NYC yesterday! When Rojo smiles, a gayelle gets approved for a Home Depot Rewards Mastercard.

You know, I've lived in NYC for eleventy million years and I have never come face to face with the ginge rainbow! Not even close. Whenever I smell the exotic scent of power tool oil, I run towards it hoping to find Rojo....but nothing. I've heard stories upon stories from hos who have been in the company of Rojo! The gods must be keeping us apart, because they know that when we meet, planets will explode, Home Depots will crumble, lezzies will collide and ginge mops everywhere will turn white. Or maybe it's because they know I'll go into a seizure while dry humping her hip and men in white jackets would have to taser me off. Naw, that's not it. It must be the whole "earth imploding" thing.

This didn't come from the My Little Pony's mouth, but UsWeekly swears on Heidi and Spencer's rotten vaginas (they love them so) that the Sex and the City sequel is a go. They might as well call that shit Sex But Only With The Use Of Vagisil In The Retirement Community.

Some source said the contracts aren't signed yet, but everyone has agreed. Another source claims the 4 hos are getting a lot more money than they did the first time around. Warner Bros. wouldn't comment on this shit.

I will co-sign this shit in my own blood if they do the right thing and base the sequel around Rojo Caliente. They don't even have to do much. They can just show 2 hours of Rojo in a wife beater, cargo jeans and a tool belt drilling a piece of big wood or something. Swoooon. Those 3 hags and Cynthia Nixon can make cameos every few minutes. One can oil up Rojo's arms, two can brush her ginge bush and another can have Rojo flex for her. They can call it Gingy Bull Dyke in the Home Depot. Movie of the decade!

All I wanted for Christmas was a little Rojo Caliente and my wish came true!! That lazy ass Santey Claus brought it 8 days later, but at least it's still here! I did wonder why the sun in California was shining brighter than usual. I should have known that Rojo Caliente was here! Her fire locks ricocheted against the shining sun covering California in her hotness. I also should have gotten a clue when I went to my favorite new hangout, Home Depot, and there was a sign on the door that said, "Closed in observance of a holy day."

For once, Disneyland was really the happiest (and hottest) place on earth, because it got a visit from Rojo Caliente herself on New Year's Eve! You know, I considered going to Disneyland on New Year's Eve, but they don't serve booze and that's a problem, so I nixed that plan.

I don't know what I would've done if I came face to ginge with the greatness that is Rojo Caliente. I probably would've pushed Mrs. Rojo out of the way, got on my knees and begged Rojo to let me be her woman! I can scrub her BVDs in the sink, polish her power tools and sit on her face at the same time. There's no way Mrs. Rojo can do that shit. Rojo may miss the poon by being with me, but I'll make it better by dabbing a little Chicken of the Sea on my no-no.

Here is the glorious Rojo at Disneyland on New Year's Eve. Don't ask me who the other people are. I can barely make out their faces, because Rojo's magnificence is outshining them.

Joy Behar filled in for Larry King last night, he was off hunting for the souls of children, and she had the unofficial Mrs. Rojo Caliente on her show to talk about the gay marriage ban. I've been majorly strung out, looking for a Rojo fix, so this helped to ease the pain. I watched it last night, focusing on Mrs. Rojo's lips and thinking, "those things have felt the heat of The Rojo!" I'm jealous. On a serious note, Mrs. Rojo is smart in the brains and made some good points.

Also, in a few minutes a huge National protest against Prop 8 begins in every state. Run your ass over there now! And look hot, because there's going to be cameras. Click here to get info for the nearest rally if you're interested in going.

Samantha Jones confirmed to Scary Spice on The Paul O'Grady Show that the three scrappy hags (and Cynthia Nixon) will be back for a "Sex and the City" sequel tentatively titled "SATC 2: Doing It For The Money."

When asked by Scary if there would be another movie, Kim Cattrall responded, "Yes, there will be a sequel "Yes, there will be a sequel. We will do the sequel next summer. We wanted to film the first time, and now we’re hopefully doing it again for the second time. It is difficult getting everybody who’s so incredibly busy all together at the same time."

A spokeswhore for New Line only said they are "in negotiations for a sequel."

They might as well move those memaws from NYC to Miami already and call it "Golden Girls: THE MOVIE." I mean, Kim is like 80-years-old! Okay, she's really 52, but still.

I'm sure they'll fuck up the sequel like they did the first one by not giving the starring role to Rojo Caliente!

First of all, this beautiful picture is bringing tears to my eyes. Rojo Caliente with a Taco Bell in the background! This picture could only be more perfect if Spaghetti Cat was in one of the windows with a big bowl of Pintos 'n Cheese in front of him. Delicious.

Anygassy, Rojo and her cranky lady wife are still in Los Angeles, but they should think about cutting their trip short so that they can come back to NYC to start planning their Connecticut wedding.

The Connecticut Supreme Court ruled 4-3 today that gays and gayelles can now get hitched in the state like everyone else. They decided the ban on gay marriage was unconstitutional or some shit. Connecticut, California and Massachusetts are now the 3 states that allow us gays to ruin our lives by getting married. Go to CNN to read all the details.

When California overturned the ban, Cynthia Nixon said they were going to wait until New York makes it legal. Connecticut is veeeery close, so it totally counts. Hopefully, Connecticut starts issuing marriage license to the gays and gaylles soon. The fall leaves of Connecticut would perfectly compliment Rojo's fire ginge top. I always imagined Rojo as an autumn bride, so this is more than perfect.

Below are a few more pictures of the hopefully soon-to-be Mrs. and Mrs. Rojo Caliente renting a car in L.A. yesterday. That car is not fit for the loveliness Rojo. Where's the pick-up truck?!

Hearyee! Hearyee! All citizens of Los Angeles! A real member of gayelle royalty is in your midst! Don't even give me any "Ellen and Portia live here" shit. Or "HoHan and SamRo are always lezzing around these parts" crap. Those generic clam chompers pale in comparison to Rojo Caliente and her ginge queen!

I'm tempted to get on the next glider out of this joint and head directly to the city of a thousand whores. Everything I love is there: In-N-Out, The Empress of Lucite, Chicken Cutlets, Knott's Scary Farm, In-N-Out and now Rojo! That's okay. I'll just admire from a far. Besides, Rojo is coming back! Unless, she realized that she's safer from me in L.A. than NYC. Say that ain't so.

Here's a few of the most beautiful gayelle in America with her "cranky in the face" lady wife. I think Rojo is probably texting the NYC police department to find out the status of her restraining order against me.

Pinch with me with a nipple clamp! I think I'm dreaming. What are the chances we would get not one, but TWO Rojo Caliente sightings in less than a week?! The gayelle gods are shining down on us. If we see her a third time this week, I will give up the peen forever and become a full-fledged butchie who eats coochie for breakfast, lunch, dinner and all three snacks. I love you Rojo, but please stay inside the rest of the week and shut your shades. My no-no hole depends on this.

The rare Rojo sighting took place outside of a Rite-Aid in Venice, CA two days ago. I know you're assuming Mrs. Caliente is making "sicky icky poo" face, but she's not. This is what happened. When they were inside Rite-Aid, Cynthia, like she always does, got the intense urge to lick on Rojo's flaming carrot muffin. Cynthia's craving was so intense that she forgot to protect her tongue and she suffered the consequences! She's trying to stop the burning! I know it sounds like a stretch, but that's the gayelle's honest truth! If you can't stand the heat, don't eat Rojo's pussy.

The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, my coffee tastes like rainbows, Home Depot has closed for the day and that's because there are new pictures of the ginger gayelle goddess known as ROJO CALIENTE! If the Internet suddenly crashes forever, that's okay, because I have my Rojo fix. I want to put on a pair of oversized pleated Dockers, slip into some Birkenstocks, drape a flannel shirt over my chest and then lay down next to these pictures for the rest of the afternoon.

I was praying to the lesbian gods above for some kind of Rojo sighting soon, because Christmas is coming and I'm in dire need of the perfect card. My head will fit perfectly on Cynthia Caliente's body. I thank her for wearing strapless, because my shoulders are my best feature. Although, I wish Cynthia would have helped me out by putting a green screen over her head. Oh well, she can remember that for the future.

The reclusive gayelle beauty made a rare appearance at HBO's Emmy party last night with her less-glamorous half. Rojo looked stunning in a suit from Big and Tall's exclusive black label.

Cynthia is the luckiest woman in the universe. Even Jennifer Coolidge can't believe her eyes! Yes, Jennifer, it's Rojo Caliente time!