Hold Me

File this under: This will be your nightmare tonight. These faceless people have been seen all over England the past few days from Elton John's white ball, to the Harrod's sale and today they haunted Wimbledon.

Methinks these hos are from Anonymous, the group that keeps Tommy Girl awake at night. If it is Anonymous, they've really stepped up their look. I just hope none of these bitches creep up on me when I least expect it. I like my bowels just where they are, thank you very much. Actually, sometimes I like it when....forget it.

And this is totally what Xtina looks like without make-up.

Dreamboat Doherty posted this lovely video on his YouTube account and dedicated to the snagtoof of his life, Kate Moss. He sings some song called "Bohemian Love" while pictures of him and Kate flash on the screen. I swear, crackies love webcams and cameras. If you don't know what to get your favorite crackhead for Christmas, get them a webcam. They will love you for it.

One of Dreamy's scared pussies also makes an appearance at the 1:45 mark. Pussy looks so relaxed. It probably just had a hit from Dreamy's pipe.

And here's some pictures of Dreamboat at Glastonbury. Who the hell didn't play Glastonbury?! Please tell me Samantha Fox is closing that bitch.

It came from the grave...... Eeek! If the whole international superstar thing doesn't work out for Madge, she can always get a job as the Crypt Keeper's hand double. And no, she's not wearing her wedding ring. Despite all the rumors that her marriage is in the shitter, Madge and her family showed up to Friday night services at the Kabbalahahaahha Center in NYC last night.

The Sun reports that Guy Ritchie will fly his ass to NYC this weekend to try and save his marriage. A source said, “It is make or break time for Guy and Madonna. She is completely focused on rehearsals for her tour in America and can’t come back to London. They want to make the marriage work, but they are at a stalemate. Divorce is something they have thought about.”

The source also claims that the main issue is that Madge wants to move her family to NYC, but Guy wants to stay in England. A few Dlisted birdies told me that the main issue is that Guy can't keep his "other guy" in his pants. I'm surprised to hear that he still has a dick. I thought that Madge's vagina of death chomped that thing off a while ago.

If Madge moves back to NYC, does this mean she will finally drop that truly hideous British accent? If only.

Pull out the Kleenex and KY, because a Mini-Me sexy time tape is upon us! It's what your genitals have been waiting for. TMZ has a "tiny" clip of Verne Troyer tonguing his girlfriend at the time. SugarDVD has reportedly offered $100,000 for the sex tape, but no deal has been made.

I need to see this now, just so I know what Mini-Me is working with. I bet he has taquito dick with extra cheese. I mean, does it even reach?!

They better call this shit "Mini-In-Me" or I'm going to be pissed!

Click here to watch the "short" clip and try not to bust a nut all over your keyboard.

What better way to start your weekend than by learning how to queef on command! You'll be the star at all your weekend parties. Seriously, the good hos at Jezebel posted this instructional video from "Stace Hole." This ho's vagina should audition for the NYC Opera.

I'm not going to lie. She has major skills, but I can ass queef Beethoven's entire Symphony No. 5. Can she? Yeah, I thought not.

Thanks Peaches

Should you ever have the misfortune of walking into a bar and seeing Mickey Rourke in a leather vest, a chunky go-go dancer exposing his right nut and another dancer exposing her Proactiv-needing bare ass, immediately turn around and head to the nearest church. You've just been to hell and you need to pray a thousand prayers, so that you never have to go there again.

This much raw fugness in one room should be illegal. I mean, this is how Mickey spent his Father's Day at Rokbar in Miami! Blasphemy!

And some of these pictures are a little NSFWish.

Hurry! Jump in the shower, turn on the hot water and wash yourself with Walmart brand bleach. It will burn your skin, but you must get clean after seeing this picture.

WTF is growing on Dreamboat?! See, this is what the turd gets for touching lips with Amy Wino. A new disease has been born. In a few more days, that thing is going to grow legs, jump off of his face and roam the streets for a crack fix. Throw holy water on it! Kill it before it grows.

In other Dreamy news, The Sun reports that he has purchased three more cats bringing his tally to ten. Ten pussies! Dreamy also thought it would be a good idea to buy pregnant mice for his cats to eat. He should feed his cats that thing growing on his face. I'm sure there's a ton of protein in there. Well, a ton of crack I should say.

Image: INFDaily.com

Tommy Girl dragged the whole clan out yesterday to see his man, David Beckham, play that sport where they kick a ball around. Tommy wants to be that ball soooo bad. It was nice of Tommy to let Isabella and Connor out of their alien cages. He made them come to the game or else they would have to spend 6-months at Scientology camp. They are still having nightmares over the last time they were there.

Katie's hair is looking more and more "Stepford Wifey" each day. One day she's going to show up wearing and apron and carrying a fresh baked apple pie. They creep me the fuck out! These pictures look like stills from "The Others."

Kids will play with and on anything. When I was little I played with Big Gulp cups and dog caca. No joke. I didn't know any better. I was slow. Yes, I'm still slow. Anyway, Dark Roasted Blend posted some pictures of nightmare playgrounds from the former USSR. Kids played on everything from a dead rat to a horse hung man. Playing on a dead rat is fun!

Many of the statues and contraptions still exist in Russia and the Ukraine. Below are just some pictures of more creepy shit like an evil nurse, an impaled Baba Yaga, a stuffed animal nailed to a tree and decapitated monkey heads. Click here to see tons more.

This shit looks like it came directly from the brain of Chloe Lattanzi. We need more of this kind of crap here.

....this is the orientation video they show you before entering.