Photoshop Awards

If Heidi Montag fell in a big tub of caca (aka Spencer's gaping a-hole), stumbled out and landed on a white chair, this is what it would look like. It's Aubrey O'Day on the cover of Playboy looking so fucking beige. Maybe this is what Heidi Klum pooped out (see below). While they were Photoshopping her tittays to look like the Mona Lisa's forehead, couldn't they splash some damn color on her.

That being said, if I had ass warts (check the free clinic for proof that I don't), they would be leaking puss tears of joy at Aubrey's slut success. Our little slutbag is growing up to be the biggest whore the world has ever seen and this is making me so proud. Playboy today, sucking dick in a dumpster for a half-eaten Egg McMuffin sandwich tomorrow! The whore's the limit.

Just put a little salt on your no-no to stop it from puckering up a storm at the sight of these panty creaming pictures of hot ass Jesus. I think writing that sentence just earned me an extra shift cleaning Satan's dick butter off in Hell.

Every hole is screaming GOT DAYUM at Jesus. I'm surprised his utter hotness didn't melt all the plastic in Vadge's face. It probably did, but the Photoshop slaves fixed that shit up. Actually, they probably just copy and pasted Vadge's face from her Sex Book right over these pictures. Too bad there isn't an "erase desperation" tool in Photoshop, because this shit is covered in it!

I won't make one rude comment about her roidy poon, because she mostly her crotch area to herself in some of these pictures. I mean, she's crossing her legs on the cover! It probably took a dozen cranes, hundreds of crow bars and a few gallons of holy water to achieve that shit.

In the second thumbnail below, we are witnessing a grown man realize that he's just sold his soul to The Vadge. But he deserves that shit for tattooing "Jesus Lux" on his back. Only an asshole would tattoo their names on themselves, but I'd still lick on it. It probably tastes like boiled douchewater.

Visit W Magazine to see the rest of these Photoshopped-to-hell creations.

Stepford Katie is putting her hand in the fire and not even making an "ow!" face. Fire is no match for a robot.

This is Miu Miu's newest ad featuring everyone's least favorite beardbot. It looks like she traded in one flame for another. Speaking of Tommy Girl, I'm pretty sure they shot this ad down in his dungeon. Of course they had to remove all the harnesses, Xenu real dolls and the dildo fucking chair that usually sits in the corner.

And she's so fucking digitally altered that even Second Life avatars look more realistic than she does.

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Oh, look. Posh looks fat. Well, this is fat for her stick bug body ass! I can't see her ribs and the lemon seed she had for lunch, so the airbrushing fairies obviously gave her a little chunk.

She's kind of looking like a dead alien at a crime scene in the picture above. She died from being so fiiiiierce (I need to slap my fingers for typing that). Or maybe she just passed out because she's hungry.

It also looks like she had a pep talk with her titties so that they would cooperate and pose together. Usually they look like they are mad at each other.

And Becks still did it better. He's the one I want to see in panties.....and a bra.

Yeah, this is Kelly Clarkson's new single cover and not Kate Hudson on the cover of some 1970s soft-core porn movie. If Kelly wanted her single cover all shiny-like, she should have just spent 5-minutes to make some shit using Blinggee. It would've looked better and she could have put a little sparkly "Sexy Mami" stamp in the corner.

And it's illegal of Kelly to make a delicious lollipop look so not-delicious. It doesn't even look edible! It looks like a crotch lolly! The kind of lolly that's meant to be sucked by your other mouth.

VIA ONTD

Cue the laugh track for the obvious joke you're thinking in that trash bag head of yours. I thought the same thing except my obvious joke had cameos by Jennifer Aniston and flyballs.

Rachael Ray's head is on the cover of Modern Dog's Winter issue. It looks like you could lightly blow her way and her annoying head would roll right off for Isaboo to play with. Yes, her dog's name is fucking Isaboo. I bet Isaboo hates her for that and that's why they had to Photoshop Rachael's head on someone else's body (and neck). Isaboo refused to share the cover with a truck stop, raggedy mouthed yap-beast like Rachael.

In the issue, Rachael also gives her special recipe for dog food which includes macaroni, extra virgin olive oil (I won't say it), onions, heavy cream, cheese, squash and other crap. Click here for the recipe. My dog would love this nastiness, but I wouldn't love it when I have to scrape his watery butt juice off the sidewalk.

VIA ONTD

Actually, this needs more airbrushing. Specifically, Khloe Kardashian needs to be airbrushed the fuck out of this picture. It would be more accurate if the poster read: FAME? I'll go naked for it.

I haven't tended to my fur bush in a few days, so I will volunteer to shave it off just so Chyna's twin could cover the hell up. Shit, my dog just raised his paw and will donate his no-nut area fur as well.

Below is the NSFWish version complete with beast crack!

These before & after airbrushing pictures are always interesting to look at to see just exactly how the Photoshop artistes turn a normal looking person into a robot mannequin. These are similar-looking pictures are from MiserAlba's Campari campaign and there really wasn't anything wrong with the original picture. But the Campari hos figured that nobody wanted to see the real MiserAlba, so they removed a few ribs, gave her bigger titty sacks and washed away her hungry coochie. They even erased the slight grin from her face! It's a good thing they did that shit, because I probably wouldn't have recognized her grouchy ass if she was smiling a little bit.

They should have done the same thing in the picture below. They shaved like 10-inches off her waist, so while they were tinkering with that shit, they should've painted a scowl on her face. And it would've looked more authentic if her fingers were flipping us off.

Source VIA ONTD

It must have taken dozens of airbrush artists hundreds of hours to make Vadge's skin look like a freshly peeled and scrubbed piece of Jicama. Vadge stood over them with a whip and shouted, "We're not done until my skin looks like the inner thigh of a newborn baby! No, the inner thigh of a fetus!" The Photoshoppers probably finally gave up and just copy and pasted a photo of Vadge's face from the 80s.

The photo shoot itself was also pretty dangerous. When Vadge opened her legs, 4 or 5 crew members were sucked into her crotch. You can faintly hear their screams when she walks.

And let's be real for a second. If Louis Vuitton wanted someone flexible, they should've called up the Sheena from America's Next Top Model. That bitch really knows how to sell a bag with her legs in the air. Real talk.

P.S. - I'm so proud of myself for not making an "old bag" or "leathery vagina" joke!

Tommy Girl hasn't look like this since fucking "Cocktail." You can Photoshop the beat out of his face, but you can still see Xenu in his eyes. And you know they had to mop up the floor after this photo shoot, because Tommy's no-no was slobbering like Hooch while striking this pose. Johnny Travolta makes Tommy hold this exact position while he peen slaps his nalgas.

And I think Details missed a word in the issue's title. It should be "The Power Bottom Issue." I mean, Tommy is on the cover....