Photoshop Awards

The airbrushing fairies were once again hard at work on this promo for Brit Brit's new album "Circus." I don't think they even take pictures of Brit Brit anymore. They just have the CGI nerds come up with something, then they Photoshop the hell out of that shit, dust it with a little pork rind dust and voila! And is Brit wearing dog poo gloves?

I would've given this shit four Frapps if she was throwing sparkly Cheeto dust in the air instead of that green shit. That green dust is probably what comes out of her weave when she gets a blow out.

Since we're on the subject of my favorite Cheetoling, below is another promo from that "On The Record" documentary thing she did for MTV. This is my favorite quote: "People think that you go through something in life and you need to go to therapy. For me art is therapy, because it's like you're expressing yourself in such a spiritual way." ART?! Has Brit been toking again?

Is there a "shiny and greasy" tool on Photoshop, because Brit Brit looks like she was rubbed down in possum grease. Her skin looks exactly like that of a new Barbie right out of the box. You know, it probably is Barbie's body, Jamie Lynn's face and Jessica Simpson's weave. If I didn't smell the strong scent of crusty Frapp, I would've never guessed this was Brit Brit.

This shit looks like the White Chicks stumbled into "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun."

Kate Winslet looks like some kind of Catherine Deneuve/lion/alien hybrid on the cover of Vanity Fair. What's with all these magazines turning bitches into praying mantis aliens for their covers? Don't get me wrong, I'd still brush Kate's lion mane and prance around in her shoes, but this shit looks nothing like her ass.

Speaking of naked ass Kate Winslet, Halle Berry had this to say about her in Esquire (via P6): "Kate Winslet is always naked, sitting on a toilet, running buck-naked. She's free. I want to be the kind of actress who can really be comfortable with my body like that"

Thanks for that visual, Halle. Now when I look at this cover, I'm picturing Kate sitting on a toilet, with a coat around her shoulders, looking regal while pushing out a perfectly airbrushed butt nugget.

What in Sears Portrait Studio hell is this shit?! Maybe they are trying to scrimp on the budget so they bought a leftover pic from a Jessica Simpson photo shoot from Papa Joe. Then they copy and pasted our little Cheetoling's face right on top. They didn't even bother to fix the wonk in her eye! The bitches who put this mess together were definitely having a "fuck it" kind of day.

Britney.com also released the official tracklisting for this crap:

1. Womanizer
2. Circus
3. Out From Under
4. Kill The Lights
5. Shattered Glass
6. If U Seek Amy
7. Unusual You
8. Blur
9. Mmm Papi
10. Mannequin
11. Lace and Leather
12. My Baby
Bonus Track:
13. Radar

#9 sounds like a chola lullaby dedicated to Chester Cheetah. And #6 is totally about the Brit Brit of the UK, Amy Wino!!!

What in praying mantis alien hell is that on the cover of Vogue India? They should have just put a taper candle with a greasy wig on the cover. The taper candle would've given the same cuntface. Posh's face looks like one of those creepy female masks. Clip Below:

This award goes to the Photoshop artiste who worked on this cover and Nicole Kidman's in-house team of Botox engineers who work night and day to keep her forehead looking like it's made out of fucking polished marble. You could roll out a kick ass pie crust on her forehead.

Sunday Rose probably has more wrinkles on her face than Nicole does. Elle should have just shot a vial of Botox in a green dress. It would've looked like the same shit. I mean, I've seen mannequins who look more life-like.

Here's more of the Botox queen and her frozen face in Elle. Nicole actually deserves a little credit for holding up her face on the cover. If she let go, her whole mug would just fall to the floor.

This gets a Photoshop Award, because I refuse to believe that they posed for the cover together. They cut and pasted their heads on the bodies of two models. Brenda Walsh would never put her sacred hands on that slutwhorecuntbitch Kelly Taylor! If she was going to put her hands on her, it would be to strangle the oatmeal out of her ass!

Legendary Brenda Walsh and a shameless homewrecker are on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. They also did a long ass interview with the mag. Click here to read that shit. The best part of the interview is when Brenda clenches her first and bites off her tongue when asked about Tori the Hutt's tell-all. In Tori's book, she talks a lot of shit about Brenda.

Brenda said: "I will censor myself out of respect for Jennie because she's friends with Tori. I got passages sent to me and a vast majority of it is incredibly exaggerated. Maybe it's a difference of how I was raised. I just don't believe you write personal on-set experiences in a book. For me, when you work it's almost a sacred experience whether you get along with everyone or not. In 27 years of acting I've never sold out one of my cast members. Ever. And I will stick to that."

Translation: Tori the Hutt better sleep with one fat eye open. And one of her chins better stand guard.

When asked about the supposed fist fight between Jennie and Shannen. They both kind of deny there was a fist fight, but Jennie said, "Scratching? I'm not going to deny that." Yeah, right. Brenda is just allowing Kelly to save face. Brenda doesn't scratch. She burns you with her beady eyes and then knocks you out with her whining.

Every time promo shots come out for the new season of "Desperate Housewives," I expect to see a bunch of mannequins looking all "desperate" in a room filled with apples. The promo pictures for season 5 aren't anything new. These hos look about as waxy as those apples laying around them. What is up with all those apples anyway? Teri Snatcher needs to pick one up and eat it. Eva LongWHORIA needs to stuff one down her throat. And Marcia Cross looks like a hot ginge ghost who is about to eat your soul. And her skin is making the floor look tan.

I usually don't look forward to this shit show, but I am this season. Gale Harold, the return of Edie and a haggard (more than usual) Eva LongWHORIA? I'm in.

The bitch who airbrushed this mess must have been on the verge of getting fired and knew about it, because it's obvious that they didn't give a turtle's dick (NSFW) about this shit. This is some sweatshop fuckery. It pretty much looks like shit you would find at the dollar store.

Now let's talk about the description. This was seriously written by a wet queef. There is no way that an actual person put this together. Like some tranny liquid is really going to make me "stand up for what I believe in." It'll probably make me hungry for red lipstick and orange grease.

And what in pink hell is up with the cheese grater in back of Xtina? Is that a metaphor or something? I know what "cut the cheese" means, but what does "shred the tranny clown" mean?

VIA ONTD

This is only getting a Photoshop Award, because you know they added some meat to her bones. But they really should have added a wig to her head. What the hell kind of GD hair is that?! It looks like she got into a fight with a Flowbee and LOST! Wait...is that what Brit Brit looks like without her weave?

Maybe their inspiration was Kimberly's shaved head from Melrose Place?

VIA BryanBoy