Natalie Portman

Natalie Portman is without a bushy beard this morning, because she has reportedly canceled her relationship with silent-movie actress Devendra Banhart. No, he's a musician, but his name was meant for a different era.

Some bitch who is close to Devendra told InTouch: “Yes, they have broken up. Natalie and Devendra will remain friends but need some space and time away."

The two 27-year-olds starting dating in March after meeting on the set of his video. Natalie even moved to Los Angeles from NYC to be with him full-time.

Natalie probably just couldn't handle the beard. It takes a special bitch to deal with a facial pubic bush. If the dude doesn't condition or brush it properly, your face and thighs could end up looking like they were exfoliated with sand paper after a sexy times session.

Natalie Portman dressed up as a Bollywood princess for her boyfriend's new video, “Carmensita." Natalie and folk singer Devendra Banhart have been boinking for about 4 months now.

I sort of have a minor crush on the bearded lady known as Devendra Banhart. I mean, Devendra Banhart sounds like the name of a silent movie star from the 1920s or the name of a gay pirate. And I like silent movie stars and gay pirates!

He's dreamy even though his music confuses my eardrums. Is this crap even music? Halfway through this shit, I actually forgot I was watching a music video. I was starting to confuse it with one of those annoying Fandango puppet commercials.

VIA People

I was beginning to think that Sharon Stone was over her addiction to animal print and dead animals. Relapse! She needs to be thrown into rehab along with Jocelyn Wildenstein for their obsession with wearing and looking like animals.

Sharon is really starting to look like one of those hags from "The Real Housewives of Orange County." I know Sharon does not want to turn into Lauri Waring, but that's where she's heading.

Anyway, here's Shar at amFar's Cinema Against AIDS event in France. Other guests included Natalie Portman who wore a dress by Brawny and Madonna who wore one of Tootsie's old ones.

What the hell is happening to my Adrien Brody! I blame that slut girlfriend of his! I knew I couldn't trust her and her glistening bosoms. Dumb skank. It's her fault that Adrien is quickly turning into the afghan hound of my nightmares! He needs to cut that grease mop and take a few globs of NADS to the pubes growing on his face. He looks like my high school band teacher who liked to massage his nipples in front of the whole class. Adrien, you can massage your nipples in front of me anytime. Just shave the face pubies first.

Here's Young Yanni with skank girlfriend at the Indiana Jones premeire at Cannes today. It wouldn't be an Indiana premiere without Shia LaDouche. I had a dream the other night that Shia asked me to marry him. I turned him down. Instead of crying and threatening suicide, he asked some twat next to me the same question. What a dickwad! LaDouche escored the lovely Karen Allen to tonight's premiere. Where the hell has she been?

Natalie Portman was also there. Natalie is Natalie. She's beautiful, but so fucking annoying.