Gayelles

Michelle Rodriguez must have not gotten her usual daily dose of twatty milk while at a friend's four-day wedding in the Dominican Republic this weekend, because the dyke went "polar bear stalking" nuts!

Page Six says that at the welcome dinner, the bodybuilder bulldog pushed fully-clothed guests into the pool for jizz and giggles. WELCOME! Here's a mouth full of chlorine. Yay! At the bachelorette party the next night, MRod got her peen lips in a twist over the stripper. She reportedly screamed that the wang dancer was "fat and had a small dick." Before she stomped off to find a cunt to bump, she yelled, "This is the kind of thing that brings out the bisexual in me."

MRod doesn't like her dicks in size tiny. She likes her dicks turned inside out and pushed into the crotch with a fat clit attached.

MRod needs a career change! She needs to go from angry lezzie in movies to angry lezzie at weddings! Most of the weddings I have been to would've been so much better with a mouthy dyke going on about small dicks! MRod will work for Jack and snatch.

Is that really a beautiful sawdust-covered ginge rainbow I see before me? While trolling the ho stroll last night, I wondered why the homeless people looked shiny and why the mangy pigeons picking at dirty maxi-pads looked so glimmery. Now I know why! That's because the goddess of gayelle ginges, Rojo Caliente, spread her beauty all over the streets of NYC yesterday! When Rojo smiles, a gayelle gets approved for a Home Depot Rewards Mastercard.

You know, I've lived in NYC for eleventy million years and I have never come face to face with the ginge rainbow! Not even close. Whenever I smell the exotic scent of power tool oil, I run towards it hoping to find Rojo....but nothing. I've heard stories upon stories from hos who have been in the company of Rojo! The gods must be keeping us apart, because they know that when we meet, planets will explode, Home Depots will crumble, lezzies will collide and ginge mops everywhere will turn white. Or maybe it's because they know I'll go into a seizure while dry humping her hip and men in white jackets would have to taser me off. Naw, that's not it. It must be the whole "earth imploding" thing.

Why isn't Roseanne on The View? This is the shit we need. Roseanne is not afraid to unleash her batshit craziness and deliver the fucking truth on a hot platter made of anger. I love blog-yelling! I'm sure she broke her Dell (she doesn't strike me as a MacBook Air kind of bitch) busting this love letter to Chris Brown on her blog:

chris brown's lies and excuses

make me want to beat the crap out of him...he uses the language of the perpetrator just like every sleazy bastard who ever smacked his wife, kid mother or girlfriend around uses. you dirty bastard, I hope you go to prison for ten years. IT'S YOUR FAULT, ASSHOLE! as for all the mealy mouthed hollywood and music scene chicks that can't bring themselves to condemn a misogynistic bully, let me say this: your time as whores for propaganda is ending, bitches.

If this was an episode of Roseanne, Dan would get in his truck and handle this shit. Actually, I think that was an actual episode. Roseanne's rant was just what I need to forgive her for the final 2 seasons of her show. She was on notice for so long for that lottery bullshit.

Roseanne's nipples exploded in anger after writing that shit. Hopefully, she calmed down by holding a babeh. Actually, that would probably make things worse. The last time I held a baby, my friend kept her hands below the little thing at all times. She said I looked like I wanted to drop the baby and walk away. She was right. So...Roseanne should hold a lesbian instead. A hug from a gayelle is soothing like a Calgon bath.

Speaking of babehs and gayelles, here's Sara Gilbert aka Darlene Connor and her kid wandering around L.A. the other day. Don't tell me if those are real UGHS on Darlene's feet. I don't want to know the truth. A gayelle in UGHS is a bad omen.

Lezzie firestarter alert! Courtenay Semel is used to playing with fire (she used to suck on HoHan's matchstick clit), but the post-seizure-faced skank has gone way too far! Page Six says that Nay Nay's ex-partner in pussy, Band-Aid heiress Casey Johnson, showed up at her house after she had a fight with her girlfriend. I guess Casey was looking for some comfort and warmth. She got a little more warmth than she bargained for, because Nay Nay set her hair on fire! "Youuuuuu light up my haaaaaaair..." "Come on baby light my hair on fire....." "Your hair! Your hair! Your hair is on fire!" I can do this all night....

A source said, "Casey went to Courtenay's house, and Courtenay proceeded to beat the crap out of her, and then she lit her hair on fire. Casey had to be hospitalized." The source went on to say that Casey's mom had to fly out to meet with lawyers about this shit. Casey, who is also a mother to an adopted girl from Kazakhstan (blame Borat), is now strolling around town with shorter hair, because she lost most of it in the fire.

When asked to comment, Nay Nay played that shit down, "There was a fight. But this is a major exaggeration. We are speaking. We are friends."

Yeah, it was no big deal. The bitch just set someone's hair on fire! Nay Nay probably thinks she did Casey a favor, because her hair was gross nasty and now it's totally dyke-ish and hot. The ladies will looooove it. I bet Nay Nay sent Casey an invoice for her services.

If you ever run into Nay Nay on the street or anywhere else, run the other way like you've got an Energizer battery in your ass. Because if you don't and you give her an accidental side-eye, the crazy ho will bust a flame on your hair. The fire would eventually move to your eyebrows.....and then you'd have to use a Sharpie. Wait. Maybe that's not such a bad thing.....

If you're ever walking down the street and spot a sad little gayelle, it's your duty as a citizen of this planet to hug her like you would a 9" peen. Because nobody wants to see lesbian with the sads. That's exactly what HoHan did while she was having coffee with SamRo in some parking lot in Los Angeles the other day. And you know HoHan was thinking of 9" peen. And SamRo sort of looks like a dirty peen with that black stocking cap, so this helped out HoHan even more.

Speaking of SamRo's ensemble, does it mean that I'm turning lesbian because I think SamRo's boots are kind of hot? Maybe I am turning lesbian, because I was really excited to go shopping at fucking Home Depot yesterday. If you see me get wet over The L-Word, immediately turn on a CeCe Peniston song to turn me gay again.

Here's SamRo and HoHan hugging in a parking lot the other day. I also threw in some pictures of HoHan leaving the salon yesterday with a dude who has obviously been rifling through SamRo's dirty laundry.

Your office might be a little less gay today because of Day Without A Gay Day! A day without a gay is like a day without Mother's Circus Animal Cookies and the Shiba Inu Puppy Cam. :( A day without a gay is a weepy one.

All gays in America have been called upon to not go to work today and instead volunteer your time to fight Prop 8 and the other anti-gay marriage ballot initiatives in Arizona, Arkansas and Florida. Some are also asking the gays not to buy any shit today to show bitches how important the gay dollar is! Um. Does that include lube? Because I'm totally out. You can't make me use Crisco, oil or lotion. I can't go back there again.

Now, I tried calling in gay, but my boss is a total Cunty McCunt and I've used that excuse before, so no dice. If you're like me and you can't call in gay, then click here to see how you can help.

If you call in gay, don't try to be slick and spend your day eating dongs, Ding Dongs and watching your stories. Well, if you watch your stories, spend time with One Life to Live. It's been getting good.

And I better not even see Tommy Girl's or Ryan Gaycrest's face today!

HoHan and SamRo got into a fight in London last night over a big dick named Calum Best. That's what The Sun claims anyway. HoHan used to rub her worn-out kitty all over Calum's Gouda peen and the two met up again at a club. A source said HoHan and Calum danced together which made SamRo one angry lezzie. HoHan and SamRo apparently started fighting which ended in both of them leaving the club.

They got into the car together, but when they arrived back at their hotel, SamRo stormed off in a cloud of saw dust. You know, because lezzies like wood working and stuff. Yeah, the joke doesn't really work if I have to explain it in detail. Just give me an endearing look and continue eating your panini.

HoHan stayed behind in the car for around 10-minutes. One source said, "It was quite clear something was up. Lindsay had tears in her eyes as she left."

Okay, you know shit is bad when you're fighting about Calum Best! The douche isn't even hot when you look at him upside down while jacking it. Almost everyone is hot when your head and genitals are fighting for blood flow. Don't look at me that way!

Here's more of the weepy maybe bi-sexual last night. Wait. Is Calum Best wearing fur?! Where's that crazy French flour bomber when you need her?

I never really thought about if Wanda Sykes likes to suck on the peen or the clitty, but now that she's declared her gayelleness, everything makes sense now. I had one of those "now that you mention it...." moments.

Anygayelle, raise your strap-ons and rejoice through the aisles of Home Depot, Wanda Sykes is a big ole' lezzie! You can call her Wanda Dykes from now on! Sorry, it was the first thing I thought of. Yes, I'm eternally 12. Just like Mimi!

At the Las Vegas Prop 8 Really yesterday, Wanda shouted to the audinece, "I LOVE LICKIN' THE LABIA AND PROUD OF IT!" No, she really said, "You know, I don't really talk about my sexual orientation. I didn't feel like I had to. I was just living my life, not necessarily in the closet, but I was living my life. Everybody that knows me personally they know I'm gay. But that's the way people should be able to live their lives."

When Prop 8 passed in California, Wanda felt like she was attacked and so she's speaking out about her life now. "Now, I gotta get in their face. I'm proud to be a woman. I'm proud to be a black woman, and I'm proud to be gay." She forgot the "proud to be a funny person" part, because she stills makes me laugh until my peen hole queefs.

Wanda married her wife on October 25th. She was married to a dude back in the old days, but they divorced in 1998.

Go Wanda! I just want to give her a big lesbian hug (it involves lots of titties rubbing together)!

It's your turn, Mah Boo Anderson Cooper. Now, I don't mean he needs to come out as a big shiny homo. But it's about times he figures out that I'm alive, declares his undying love for me and promises to make me his child bride (I am younger than him).

Source

Joy Behar filled in for Larry King last night, he was off hunting for the souls of children, and she had the unofficial Mrs. Rojo Caliente on her show to talk about the gay marriage ban. I've been majorly strung out, looking for a Rojo fix, so this helped to ease the pain. I watched it last night, focusing on Mrs. Rojo's lips and thinking, "those things have felt the heat of The Rojo!" I'm jealous. On a serious note, Mrs. Rojo is smart in the brains and made some good points.

Also, in a few minutes a huge National protest against Prop 8 begins in every state. Run your ass over there now! And look hot, because there's going to be cameras. Click here to get info for the nearest rally if you're interested in going.

Jodie Marsh is really taking this whole fauxmosexual thing seriously! England's crustiest meat pie "turned lesbian" last month and I figured she would be back on the dick faster than we could say "curdled vag jelly." Well, I guess this must be true love, because Jodie is still sharing her ass fleas with Nina.

The two lovewarts were out in London last night, being gross, kissing in cabs and making the street rats run for cover. Even Jacko's tattoo doesn't want to be a part of this fuckery!

Here's a few more of Pepé Le Pew and Penelope Pussycat gone wrong tramping around the streets.