Gayelles

If this shit is true, this will be the greatest celebrity wedding of all time! The Daily Star reports that Lezzy Lohan has been telling friends she will marry Samantha Ronson. Just for the record, Lohan's bitches have denied she's bumping coochie lips with Ronson.

Lezzy Lohan wore a ring on her engagement finger this past weekend in Cannes sparking rumors that she's engaged. Lohan reportedly said she's planning a partnership ceremony at Dollywood in July. Yes, Dolly Parton's theme park. Their wedding cake better be a giant funnel cake.

Seriously, this sounds like my kind of wedding. Gayelles, ginges, Dolly Parton, funnel cakes and raggedy roller coasters. Amazing! It's too good to be true. This is just drunk talk.

And what does Michael Lohan think of all this gayelle action? He told UsWeekly that Lezzy's romance with Samantha "is evident to anyone with half a brain." In related news, White Oprah has denied the romance. Half a brain meet White Oprah.

Lindsay Lohan's rep has once again denied that her client is Lezzy Lohan. Lezzy sounds better than Lindsay. It just does. When asked about Lindsay's relationship with Sammy Ronson, her rep said, "They are close friends." Deeeeenied. What is her pr bitch supposed to say?

I mean, they totally look like they are giving each other moustaches. Actually, I'm sure Sammy is the only giving a moustache. Lindsay is probably clean shaven down there.

Here's some pics of Lindsay at the pool in Cannes yesterday. Sammy is not around. She was back in the room trying to get Lindsay's tan grease off of her chode. Sammy, use Dawn. It cuts the grease!

Lezzy Lohan wore a ring on her engagement finger to last night's Dolce and Gabbana party in Cannes. You know what this means? A big ole' gayelle wedding! Break out the flannel and birkenstocks! We've got a gayelle wedding to attend.

Yeah, right. Lohan just wore the ring for attention. It's probably some glass shit from Claire's. Let's be real.

International supermodel, Phoebe Price, attended the same event and she also wore a ring on her left hand. It wasn't on her wedding finger, but she's trying to be slick. OMG! Eff Samantha Ronson! LL and PP are engaged! Sorry Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon. There's a new hot, lesbian, ginge couple on the scene.

Sorry, I'm hungover......

Lindsay Lohan is making her "I eat that coochie" face. You know Lohan rubs her shitty upper lip all over that Ronson goodness. Hot. Anyway, Linds and Ronson left Diddy's yacht party last night hand-in-hand. The Sun also has some pictures of the two cuddling and possibly kissing while on the boat. Click here to see them.

A witness at the party said, “They looked like proper lovebirds. And they didn’t care who saw them draped over each other. If they are together then it’s a nice vision of their love.”

Aww....I hope it lasts forever, but it won't. Lindsay's a straight-up ho. She probably got a bad batch of dick, so she decided to try Ronson's clit for a quick minute. Shit, I bet Ronson's clit is bigger than most dicks. Lindsay is clitmatized!

My advice to Lindsay: If your chocha is happy, stick with Ronson. Dick is overrated......

........I had you there for a minute. Dick is a beautiful thing, but I'd probably take the Ronson out for a spin. If she can satisfy a slut like Lindsay Lohan then she probably satisfy anyone.

I'm starting to love these two lesbos in love. They aren't as hot as Cynthia Nixon and Rojo Caliente, but who is?

John McCain is on Ellen Degeneres' show today (taped yesterday) and she brought up the subject of gay marriage. Dun dun dun! Ellen started by saying that she wanted to address " the elephant in the room." I was expecting Mike Huckabee to come out with glazed donuts. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.

Johnny doesn't believe in gay marriage. Duh. Ellen used the opportunity to voice her opinion, "I think that it is looked at and some people are saying the same that blacks and women did not have the right to vote. Women just got the right to vote in 1920. Blacks didn't have the right to vote till 1870. It just feels like there's this old way of thinking (that) we are not all the same. We are all the same people. All of us. You're no different than I am. Our love is the same." Ellen is right. We are all the same people. Well, except for Paris Hilton. She's a dirty animal.

Ellen went on to say, " It sounds to me like saying well you can sit there (points in one direction), you just can't sit there (points in another direction). That's what it sounds like to me. It doesn't feel inclusive. It feels isolated. It feels like we aren't owed the same things and the same wording."

John responded, "I've heard you articulate that position in a very eloquent fashion. We just have a disagreement and I, along with many, many others wish you every happiness." Lies.

Ellen finished with a joke, "Thank you. So you'll walk me down the aisle? Is that what you said?"

McCain doesn't believe in gay marriage and I don't believe in him. We're even. And to think, I was going to invite his pasty ass to my upcoming Xanadu-themed California wedding. I really wanted to see him in velour chocha cutters and roller skates. He can stop checking the mail for his invitation! It ain't coming.

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If Jodie Foster can't keep her vagina in her pants, who can? I know I can't. The National Enquirer claims Jodie Foster cheated on her woman of 14 years, Cydney Bernard, with movie producer Cindy Mort (above). Cindy used to bump oysters with Melanie Mayron from thirtysomething. The two crazy gals have two kids together. Jodie and Cydney are also raising two kids together.

Lesbian homewreckers exist?! I thought they were just an urban legend.

A source said, "Although she and Cydney remain under the same roof at the moment, the relationship has been shattered. They’ll continue to raise the boys together and try to keep a loving family unit despite their breakup. The love is gone."

Jodie plans to move to another one of her Hollywood Hills home and Cydney will live in another.

There's really no such thing as monogamy anymore. Lesbians are supposed to set the bar.

And how many times do you think Jodie has accidentally screamed "Cydney" while doing the scissor with Cindy? Awkward!!!!

Thanks Christine