Solange

Before interviewing Solange, the anchors of Fox News Las Vegas, asked if she would talk about the closing of Jay-Z's 40/40 Club in Vegas. Solange's rep said "hell no" and the anchor agreed she would only keep it about Solange.

When the interview went live, Solange got lippy with the anchor. Basement Baby said, "I have to say that was not a very professional introduction before. Please don't tie me into family and my brother-in-law's establishment." The anchor had no idea what she was talking about. That's when a mysterious voice said to her, "That wasn't live, Solange."

It's not her fault! Solange couldn't hear things right. She had too much basement dust in her ears and everything was so confusing. Life is much simpler in the basement. Give her a break!

Something tells me Beyonce is going to get her for basically confirming her marriage to Jay-Z. Solange's mice friends are being fed to the house cat as I type this.

And you know that anchor is waiting out Solange's basement door. She's going to deliver an epic beatdown on Solange for coming at her like that on live TV.

Click here to see the clip

Maybe Solange's vision isn't working so well because she's been stuffed down in the basement for so long without any light. What is the meaning of this? Once again, she ruins a fine outfit with just a touch of fuckery. And by "she ruins" I mean Beyonce told her to wear that shit. It looks like she got mad at Beyonce so she kicked a baby skunk in the ass and got stuck.

Beyonce probably took some of her old weave hair, superglued it to some Payless shoes and told Solange that this was some limited-edition shit straight from Tokyo. Solange was hesistant at first and said, "Are you sure these shoes didn't come from that fake Bigfoot costume? They kind of smell like fish guts and moonshine." Beyonce gave her the eye roll and responded, "Do you want to go back to the basement?"

Here's my girl Solange looking lovely from the calves up at TRL in NYC yesterday.

.....and they really shouldn't have. Beyonce strikes again! Solange's ensemble was perfectly fine until she put on those horrific tights. Whoever makes those things should be locked up! House of Derriere makes that shit, right? Send Beyonce and Mama Knowles to the slammer! Making Solange wear those things out in public is cruel and unusual punishment. It's like an episode of "Pee Wee's Playhouse" barfed all over her legs. And you know Beyonce told her she looked "sooooo edgy" while crossing her eyes.

Solange is trying so hard to look extra special and she does. If you know what I mean. Solange, go back to the basement. It's safer there. And stop listening to Beyonce! Only listen to your mice friends. They would never make you dress like a foolio in public.

Here's more of the better Knowles sister outside Letterman yesterday. That purple feather shrug thing needs to be put out of its misery.

I can't believe Beyonce and Daddy Knowles actually let Solange out of the basement to shoot a video for "Sandcastle Disco." What am I saying? They shot this shit in the basement. If you bring your nose close enough to the screen, you can even smell Beyonce's musty wigs marinating in basement dust.

Beyonce must have told Solange that "Sandcastle Disco" would be a cute title for a song. NOT. It sounds like the name of a tranny bar in Thailand.

And it's not right that Mama Knowles made Solange's outfits out of Beyonce's old ass prom dresses. Some of the shit Solange is wearing makes her look even more like the broken condom baby of Diana Ross and Orlando Jones. Not right! I blame Beyonce!

Don't worry, Solange. I'm still your biggest fan. Hell, I think I'm your only fan.

That was a stupid question. We know who did it! B-E-Y-O-N-C-E!!! She totally told Solange that everyone is wearing their wigs backwards. Everyone. I mean, I think the tag is sticking out in the front. And the dress and bag were definitely DIY projects using items from the local Salvation Army. Bitch is a walking Project Runway challenge. Damn, Beyonce! She got Solange again!

Solange wore this sad, sad ensemble to the BET Awards last night. Speaking of wigs that should've been left at home, that thing sitting on Lil Kim's head is illegal.

Here's more sexy messes from last night including Terry Howard who looked baby wipe fresh and Ashanti with a Cinnabon sitting in her hair.

Solange is standing a little too close to HoHan's private pussy. She better stand back or HoHan's greasy snatch hands will attack the Beyonce-hand-me-down-wig sitting on her head! Solange also doesn't want HoHan's twatty ciggie breath screaming at her, "Get your 15-year-old Full House ass off my girlfriend!" Yeah, Solange isn't 15 and has never been on "Full House," but that's the only insult HoHan knows.

Luckily, this didn't happen, but it does look like someone attacked Solange's dress or maybe it came that way? Beyonce probably gave her basement baby sister that dress as a birthday pressie and told her it was a Dior original, but it's really made out of orange silk flowers on clearance from Joann.

Here's Solange, SamRo, HoHan, Beyonce and Mama Knowles at Solange's birthday party. Was her party held in the basement?!

Beyonce is behind this! She called up Solange (collect, of course) and said, "Hi Soly. I know you want to look extra hot on TRL, so I'm going to give you a little style tip. It's all the rage in Europe! Hop your ass down to the nearest Duane Reade and pick up some generic baby powder. Don't buy Johnson's either. You can't afford that shit! Then take a q-tip and put that shit all over your eyebrow. Everyone will love it and maybe you'll sell more than 5 CDs. Ciao Ciao!"

I mean, why does Solange have one powdered brow? If this was HoHan, we would know she just got a little too close to the Colombian sugar mound, but this is Solange we're talking about! She doesn't even know what coke looks like!

That being said, Solange has the right idea and I'm off to powder one brow.

Solange Knowles was performing in Kansas City, Missouri when a terrible accident happened. No, the terrible accident wasn't the show's organizers finding out they got Solange instead of Beyonce. A piece of metal from the doorway fell on Solange's foot, breaking it! Solange didn't let that stop her and she kept performing. She was rushed to the hospital after the show.

A spokeswhore for Solange said, "Ms Knowles continued to head out to the stage and performed her full set while in extreme pain. Immediately following her performance, she was rushed to the hospital where she learned her foot was indeed broken." Solange will continue the tour with her foot in a cast.

You know Beyonce's weave has telekinetic powers and she used it to sabotage Solange. It didn't work! Take that Beyonce!

Seriously, Solange has no choice but to perform. It's either perform with a broken foot or go back to the basement.

Below is Solange's newest video which was paid for with leftover pennies from Beyonce's manicure fund.

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