SamRo

This is what happens when you bump fuglies with the same bitch for a long time. You start dressing like them! HoHan and her labia lickin' lady friend went to the unhappiest place on earth yesterday wearing pretty much the same shit. Ray-Bans? CHECK! Lezzie Club shirts? CHECK! Skinny jeans? CHECK!

And yes, I said the "unhappiest" place on earth. Whenever I go to Disneyland, I always think that rainbows are going to fly out of my ass because of how happy being there will make me. The opposite usually happens. I get all angry after paying $6 for a sodie pop and I usually always get into a fight with some stupid bitch who is talking way too loud in line. I'm sorry, but while I'm waiting ten hours for a 10-second ride, I don't want to hear about some whore's life. That's why whispering was invented. Yes, I have major issues. We already know this. Just file this shit in the "MK IS A BITCHY BITTER HOMO" folder and then go make me a hot chocolate.

Here's more of the hipster scissor sisters acting all gayelley at Disneyland. It's funny that SamRo is wearing a Jack Skeletor hat, because they have the same body.

I always knew the radio show Loveline was like a bit cup of truth serum! Dr. Drew always makes bitches cum clean. Although, he wasn't there when SamRo called in, but that doesn't matter! He was there in spirit!

SamRo called into the show to talk to Stryker about the Travis Barker and DJ AM plane crash. They chat for a while and then SamRo's hands the phone over to her partner in pussy HoHan.

They talk for a bit and then Stryker asks her: "Now, you and Samantha have been going out for how long now? Two years? One year? Five months? Two months?" HoHan kind of laughs and then says: "A very long time." Stryker tells her that they make a lovely couple and HoHan thanks him.

Slap me twice with a strap-on and feed me a dental dam! I am SHOCKED! I thought they were just girlfriends who went shopping and talked about boys together? You mean to tell me that they are giving each other moustaches and squirting in each other's faces?! You know SamRo is a squirter. Her facial expressions tell me this.

On a serious note, I kind of like the fact that SamRo and HoHan aren't shouting from the roof top of Home Depot that they are bumping pussies. It is more than obvious that they are lezzzzzzbian loooovers, but at least they aren't announcing it on the cover of a magazine. Right? Oh, what am I saying? They are still attention whores! White Oprah must be crying fake tan tears at the thought of how much money she's losing from her daughter not coming out on the cover of a magazine for millions of dollars!

And I can't wait what Michael Lohan is going to say about this. Expect the words "Jesus," "Hell," "blasphemy," and "degenerates" to be used at least three times each in his statement.

Below is the clip of SamRo and HoHan being lesbionic on the radio. Skip to around the 6:40 mark.

HoHan doesn't need to worry about photographers getting pictures of her flappy honey ham crotch curtains anymore, because SamRo is there to shield their cameras. That's what butch girlfriends are for. And while she's down there, she might as well as tongue flick on HoHan's matchstick.

The back alleyway version of Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon cuddled for the cameras at TV Guide's after-Emmy party in Los Angeles last night. HoHan looks like a New Jersey morning-shift stripper desperately trying to look extra classy for a family wedding, but I can forgive her. She topped the look off with a baby dyke and that is the must-have accessory of the year.

I just wish SamRo would stop making those Guido douche faces! It looks like she's queefing and farting at the same time. It's not hot. She obviously wants to be on Hot Chicks with Douchebags AGAIN!

Is that a bull between SamRo's legs or is she just happy to see us?

The Sun reports that SamRo used her labia lickin' lips to tell a bunch of strangers that she will marry HoHan by the end of the year. While DJing at the Chateau Marmont in Los Angeles, SamRo apparently announced: “By the end of this year, my love will be Mrs Ronson. Tonight shows the power of a woman – to underestimate that is to underestimate the world.” Pussy power!

HoHan also feels the same way about her punane pal. She talked about their matching tattoos to Marie Claire magazine: "Samantha has a bunch of stars, so I got that. I'm really happy. She's a great person. And she's a great influence on people around her."

HoHan has been doing so well lately. Why eff it all up by getting married? The only acceptable reason for a HoHan/SamRo wedding is so that White Oprah can give a drunken "mother of the bride" speech during the reception.

And if HoHan becomes Lindsay Ronson, what will I fucking call her? HoRon? It's just not the same.

Ray-Ban's favorite gayelles hiked up their ham wallets to sit front row at SamRo's sister's fashion show at Bryant Park yesterday. I'm kind of into SamRo's baby biker butchie look. I don't think I've ever seen a skinny ass biker dyke before. This is some "Skeletor does 'Easy Rider'" shit.

And it's nice to see that HoHan's magnificent chichis have come out to play. They look jollier now that she's lickin' the labia. SamRo must be an expert motoboater.

Here's more of these two vagitarians at the Samantha Ronson show yesterday. In the pictures below, the woman sitting in back of them nearly made my morning. I seriously thought for a second she was the cook from "Clue the Movie."

That didn't take long. Michael Lohan has responded to SamRo and HoHan's response about his response about their response? I'm fucking confused. There's so many statements being released through so many different channels. And White Oprah still isn't involved! Coke got her tongue?

Michael released this butt fuck statement to ABC News. I picture his nostrils flaring and drool spewing out of his mouth while he said this crap:

"Who's out of control? Whose life is out of control? Give me a break. Going from place to place, being dragged around by Samantha so she can make more money off of Lindsay being there when she spins.

She's gone from making $7 million to less than a million a movie. Who's out of control? I go to church. I go and help people in rehab. That's control. How can she say I'm out of control? I want Lindsay to be in a good place. When I started looking at what Samantha was doing, dragging Lindsay to clubs, drinking around Lindsay .

Samantha is one of the biggest problems in her life.That's what Dina told me. I'm reacting on what Dina said, but then Dina steps out of the picture because she wants to look like the good guy. Dina's a two-face. She wants to try to look good and stay on Lindsay's good side instead of being a good parent. I don't give two hoots about my relationship with Lindsay as a friend. One day she's going to turn around to me and tell me, 'Daddy, you were right.?

Give daddy a Midol and a warm compress. He's out of control. And if that doesn't bring White Oprah out of hibernation, I don't know what will. White Oprah, show Michael who is the queen of statements!

Michael went on to say that he has text messages and recorded phone calls with White Oprah and HoHan. He threatened, "If they're going to say I'm lying, I'm out of control, I'm going to show that they're lying and they're out of control."

He's funny. Like he really has texts and recorded conversations with them. That's not how this family communicates! They communicate through shitty statements released to the media. His "recorded conversations" were probably pieced together using sound bites from "Living Lohan" and "Mean Girls."

HoHan's main muff diver, SamRo, put her angry gayelle fingers to work and wrote a response to Michael Lohan's attacks on her MySpace. The butchie is so mad she could bite a dick. Okay, she's not THAT mad. It helps if you read this while wearing a strap-on. Don't ask questions. It just helps. Trust.

SHUT THE F*** UP
Current mood: bullied

i really don't want to say anything because i feel like he wins- he, being the man who is so desperate for attention that he goes to the media whenever possible- i know i am being used, i am just a pawn- easy to sacrifice in order to feed his addiction. I was angry when i first read his attack on me, but- for me- i believe that actions speak louder than words... so now i just pity him- i am not standing in his way- i am not the reason that he has no contact with his daughter- he is- his need to throw a tantrum for the whole world to hear is- i am not going to go into a play by play defense- i feel no need to publicly defend my role in lindsay's life- i'm just sorry that she likes me more than him.

p.s. i'm not the one that is so lost that i need to use my relationship with lindsay to earn a living.... i am, always will and always have been here for her for her- not for anything else....so I think it's safe to say that there is not now and never will be a tell all..... written by me..... when does your book come out mr. lohan?

Shouldn't her current mood be "gayelley"? I digress. Michael Lohan better watch his flabby, born-again ass! SamRo probably knows some major biker butchies who don't fuck around. The lezzie fun doesn't stop there! HoHan also posted a reponse to daddy on her MySpace. I'm sure she wrote this while doing the scissor with SamRo. These girls are talented. HoHan's response is longer, so it's after the jump. JUMP!!!!

E! reported that HoHan's favorite labia licker, SamRo, is planning to write a tell-all about her life. I think the working title is called "How To Bag A HoHan In 20 Steps." Step 1 through 5 probably involve illegal substances, leggings, orange grease and cotton gussets.

Michael Lohan got wind (aka the media farted it in his ear) of SamRo's supposed tell-all and issued this statement: "She's using my daughter. People never even knew who Samantha Ronson was until she met Lindsay. She was just some L.A. DJ. And now she's writing a book? I am at wit's end with this stuff. This is not in Lindsay's best interest." No, what's in HoHan's best interest is if you move to Pluto and change your name to Michael Blohard.

HoHan issued her own statement to Access Hollywood: “He’s out of control. I want him to stop hurting and talking to the media about the people I love." You see this, Michael? You're going to make the gayelle cry! Nobody likes to see a sad, freckly gayelle!

The strangest part of this whole thing is that I don't have a statement from White Oprah to post. Weird indeed. Where in orange hell is she? Did Nana Lohan forget to take her out of the tanning bed again?

Why are they walking away from Jack in the Box? Isn't the luscious aroma of a Sourdough Jack beckoning them? Oh wait. A Sourdough Jack is made with beef. I forgot who I was talking about.

Somebody got their hair poo-pooed on! SamRo finally poured some Henna over that toilet water blonde mop she's been working for sooooo long. I don't know how to feel about this. On one hand, she no longer looks like she has Billy Idol's pubic bush on her head. However, her new hair paired with that outfit makes her look like a dykey nurse from the midwest who wears a pager on her waist band and drives a beat down Datsun pick-up truck.

And what is up with those outfits? Did they join some underground gayelle cult? Do they hold super secret meetings in Home Depot's storage room?

Here's more of SamRo and her lezzzzzzzzzzzzzbian lover going to lunch (not at Jack in the Crack) and buying dumb shit in Los Angeles yesterday.

I know HoHan and SamRo are supposed to be hipster lezzies or something, but damn! Can't they wear something else besides Ray-Bans? Now, I've been known to put on a pair of Wayfarers now and then, but now it's hard for me to do so without thinking about these coochie lickers. Damn then! Ray-Ban better be paying them the big bucks.

Here's these two buying a bunch of dumb shit they don't need in Los Angeles yesterday. All they do is fucking shop. They need to turn up the action. I'm waiting for the sex tape to hit the internets. I wanna see these two bump cokey ginas, smash pies, mack on a ham wallet, grill up a furburger.....something. Actually, I take that back. That would not be the gayelle sex tape of my dreams. Now a Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon sex tape is a different story.