Ryan Reynolds

Ryan Reynolds should take a few lessons from Lady CaCa on tuck game before he shoots his new movie, because he's going to have to put that dick away and put an ice cube on it. Variety (via Coming Soon) brings us the news that Ryan will start in an untitled comedy about a dude who dresses up in drag to befriend his ex in a bid to win her back. Mrs. Doubtfail is right.

Ryan will shoot the movie after he finishes up The Green Lantern.

Ryan should beware, because as soon as he puts on a blonde wig and stuffs his pecs into a bra, A-Rod will propose marriage to him.

And yes, I'd still hit it even with his peen tucked in between his ass cheeks.

Ryan Reynolds is on the cover of Entertainment Weekly and at first I thought the Photoshop wizards got carried away, but then I remember my no-no slobbering over his abs recently. So I googled it and got confirmation. Ryan's abs really do look like they were hand-painted by Brooke Hogan's airbrusher. How does hair grow on something that hard? I bet ScarJo has to put a pillow on his stomach whenever she rides him in reverse. If she doesn't, his concrete abs could split her ass bone in two. Ow.

Ryan must do sit-ups non-stop. Even in his sleep. Some bitches sleepwalk, Ryan sleepcrunches.

Jay Leno almost died today and had to be taken to the hospital. Not really, but he did have to go to the hospital for reasons only known by him and the ass specialist assigned to him. When hos go to the hospital and don't say why, I figure it's because they have the caca runs in an evil way. It would totally make sense with Jay. Jay is also being punished FOR THIS. The eyebrow gods bit him hard and cursed with the 'rrea.

UsWeekly says Jay wasn't feeling well earlier today, so he drove himself to the hospital in Burbank. He's now resting at home, but tonight's show has been axed. A repeat will air instead. You probably won't even notice, but I will!

Jay was supposed to have that succulent chunk of maple syrup-covered Canadian bacon who goes by the name of Ryan Reynolds on tonight. I was all ready to sit through Jay's yammering just so I could pinch at Ryan's nipples on my screen, "I'm pinching yo nipples."

Ryan was going to be on show to whore out that movie he's doing with Sandra Bullock. The only thing I want to know is what percentage of the movie does Ryan have his tittays out? They should include that in the tagline on the poster, "The Proposal: With 85% Ryan Reynolds titty action." That's how you sell tickets.

It was a lovely day at the office for Sandra Bullock. She got paid zillions to get on her knees in front of Ryan Reynolds. This scene would look better if he was naked, it was me instead of her and if there was a goose down pillow under my knees. Seriously, I'm not fucking up my knees for any whore.

Ry and Sandy shot scenes for their new movie, "The Proposal" in NYC yesterday. The movie is about some bitchy boss (Sandy) who forces her assistant (Ryan) to marry her so that she won't get deported back to Canada.

This movie was just as awful when it was called "Green Card." Sorry, I can't take Andie MacDowell. I'd rather watch a boxing pussy for 3 hours straight than watch anything with Andie in it. Well, except for "Beauty Shop." That shit was hot.

And what did they do to Sandy's hair? Does this crap show take place in 1997?!