Hogans

File this under: Somebody give this skank a brownie and sit her down. Brooke Hogan posted two fake mug shots on her MySpace this past weekend. One had her holding a sign that says "Id RaThr B wiTH mY Br0thR 18." And the other one says "Thnk U 4 Lettn Me B MahSelf." Brooke gets an F in Brit Brit-talk. She shoudn't try it. And a sign that says "PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME" would have been better.

Brooke is asking to be thrown into jail with her brother. Somebody please grant her this wish! I know it's a men's prison, but if you pat her down, I'm sure you'll find a set of testicles!

After the fake mug shots were posted all over the internet, Brooke posted a blog on her MySpace calling everyone HATERS.

LOL poor press and clingy gossip lovers....

It's so funny that the smallest thing I do can jack up everyones day...LOL sorry I ruined your little gossip world today people.........or did I give you something else interesting to cling to for your boring worlds? :) Stay tuned! I might go shave my eyebrows tomorrow! Lets see what other fun things I can think of...um.... don't you have a life to live? I know I do! Peace!

Love Always, Brooke

Do you hear that? uR JELis CUZ u dont undurrstand!

And Brooke, please don't shave your eyebrows. The cholas don't want you!

Note to Brooke Hogan: Never pose in front of a wall with the word "Trans" on it. Look before you pose. She probably wondered why all the photographers were pissing themselves laughing. Well, Brooke may give us yet another reason to laugh at her ass. The NYDN reports that Playboy wants her in their magazine. Yes, I said PlayBOY and not PlayGIRL. Brooke apparently hasn't turned down the offer.

20-year-old Brooke has never posed naked, but she's posed in a bikini before. Hulk Hogan has also made it a point to talk about how he doesn't want her looking like a slut. Brooke's rep said, "No decision has been made at this time." Let me make the decision for you, Brooke. Keep that shit to yourself! We know your tuck is proper, but we don't need to see it in all its glory.

Hulk will probably agree to this shit if he can shoot the pictures and style her. Brooke's issue of Playboy better come complete with a bottle of eye bleach.

When looking for pictures of Brooke, I was surprised to find out what a true fashion icon she is. Here's some pictures of Brooke's many classy ensembles.

Brooke Hogan makes it so hard for me to like her. She seems like the only bitch in the Hogan family that has more than half a brain cell, but then she goes and does shit like this. She looks like a tranny roasted chicken stuffed into discount lingerie from the local whore store. Brooke needs to leave this kind of tacky skank shit for the Trannycat Dolls. It's not helping her cause.

You know that after she performed, her daddy probably told her he'd wash that outfit for her. I bet he will. BARF!

Below is some video of Brooke skanking it up with The Knockouts at Mansion in Miami this past weekend.

Okay, at least she wore exquisite lucite heels from the Shauna Sand collection.

Only a Hogan tramp would wear a swimsuit from Wal-mart with Sigourney Weaver's pants from "Working Girl." When are these twats going to realize that in this day and age only babies are allowed to wear high-waisted crap. If you can wipe your own ass without help from daddy then you have no business wearing this mess. Oh wait. Okay, Brooke has permission.

Here's more of Brooke looking like her mommy (and that's not a compliment) in NYC yesterday.

Day-shift hooker alert! Brooke Hogan must be one secure tranny to go out with such a gorgeous friend. I mean, spandex/lace dress, spray-painted fake Louboutins, white lame shorty jacket and red rouge for days - perfection! This is the way every young liquor store hooker lady should dress for a classy night on the town.

AND! I can no longer clown on Brooke. Bitch is wearing exquisite lucite heels! If those beauties are from the Shauna Sand collection, I will get on my knees and worship her ding dong. Brooke Hogan is okay by me. Yup, lucite heels is all it takes.

Here's Brooke and her gorgeous day-shift hooker friend outside the Waverly Inn in NYC last night. WAIT?! NYC?! Excuse me, I have to go stalk KMart's lingerie department in hopes of seeing Brooke's stunning friend. Day-shift hookers love KMart's lingerie dept.

Brooke Hogan talked to UsWeekly about those creepy ass pictures of her daddy giving her nalgas and thighs a rub down with lotion. I think we all simultaneously took scalding hot showers after seeing those pictures.

Brooke said, "I know I'm a grown woman, but it's like he's touching an old car. He used to change my diaper!"

You know Hulk came when he read that. And what does an old car have to do with any of this?! Unless you're the dude who has fucked 1,000 cars, nobody should grope a car like that.

Image: INFDaily.com

TMZ got a hold of a 911 call Linda Hogan made on May 22nd. Linda told the 911 ho that Hulk Hogan was outside of her house even though she has a court order keeping his ass away from her. Hulk got into his car and drove away. That's when Linda got into her car and started following him. Umm.....who's stalking who? The operator had to tell Linda to stop following Hulk.

Linda probably has people following her around on a daily basis to remind her to not put her fingers in light sockets. This bitch is so stupid! The operator obviously wanted to shout, "You braindead skank! I'm through with you!"

Click here to listen to Mensa's newest member call 911. Nick and Brooke never had a fucking chance.

I wish Hulk Hogan's soul searching would lead him to the middle of the Serengeti. The last thing this dumb bitch needed to do was to go on Larry King. And that's exactly what he did last night. The dreary leather bag talked about everything from the jail house phone calls that leaked to the media's unfair coverage of his son's case.

When asked about the tape of him saying that John Graziano (the victim) must have done something bad for God to punish him like this, Hulk responded, "“It’s in God’s hands. Did I say things wrong? Yes. I said them incorrectly.”

Hulk continued to use God's name, “This is in God’s hands. I believe things happen for a reason. This is to make Nick a better person. In my belief, this is to make John a better person.” WTF?! Somebody needs to wire his jaw shut the same way Tammy from The Real World: Los Angeles wired her shit shut. Hulk Hogan's speaking rights have been revoked!

At the end of the interview, Hulk started to break down. Of course he did. He probably pictured Linda Hogan naked as is "breakdown" inspiration.

In case you give an eff, click here to see all the clips from last night's show. And is it just me or does Hulk's lawyer looks like he's just stepped out from Donald Trump's House of Beauty?

20-year-old Brooke Hogan is "totally freaked out" over her 48-year-old mother dating a 19-year-old tool. Yes, that dude is 19. Yes, in human years. Brooke told E! News, "I personally don’t like it at all or condone it, but she’s my mom, so I have to show her support." Say what?

Brooke also said that Linda's new beast-boy or whatever we're calling him is one of Nick Hogan's classmates. She went on to say, "I went to school with him. He was a grade under me...Me and Nick know him well. Me and Nick are two years apart, and he was right between us (in school)."

The Hogan family is a house full of OLD. They make the Lohans look like pre-schoolers.

Brooke should be freaked out. Both her parents are dating twats that look like their kids. They all look the same! What if they accidentally get into the wrong bed at night (it happens)? Barf inducer.