Hogans

This shit is going around the internets and it's supposedly the most powerful man in the universe Brooke Hogan screeching along to Kelly Clarkson's "My Life Would Suck Without You."

You know, for lunch I had a Cup O Noodle, six Bagel Bites and like eight Pepperidge Farm Milanos. That shit has made me feel bloated everywhere. Even in my fingernails. That's why I'm going to listen to Brooke's trans warble over and over again. If I listen to it enough, I may start barfing up my lunch through my ears. Brooke will be doing me a favor.

This shit sounds like she recorded it while doing karaoke by herself. Her peen hole would've sang it better.

P.S. - Blame MileyLovesYou11 for this suckery.

VIA ONTD

Who let the barnyard door open?! I thought Sundance was supposed to be about movies and shit. Not about these pieces of trash polluting the scenery with their fugness. And what the hell are these fools wearing? Did they get dressed on the short bus? Think of all the poor animals and spools of polyester that died for this shit.

That's not fringe on Linda Hogan's purse and her creepy mantoy's jacket. Their jackets and her purse are crying leather tears because they've been forced to be worn by these tools. I'm surprised a bulldozer didn't come through and knock them down thinking they were a disaster zone. They really do look like mother and son. I bet Linda dresses him in diapers and shaves his dick bush.

Speaking of dick bushes, Nick Hogan is making KFed and Vanilla Ice look hardcore. Where is a fucking Crip when you need em?

Lastly, Wonky McValtrex looks like she sits at the round table and spends hours trying to put the little straw in her juicebox. Those floppy ears on her head probably match the floppy rotten salmon curtains on her crotch.

Sundance has seriously gone to the fucktards.

When you see a Hogan driving down the street, immediately get out of their way, pull the fuck over, run out of your car and take shelter in a safe place.

Yesterday afternoon in Clearwater, FL, Linda Hogan was involved in a little accident not far from Nick Hogan's tragic car crash.

The po po said that Linda's white Mercedes-Benz didn't get that fucked up, but the other car involved in the accident got most of the damage. The police also said, "She was rear-ended, but it was just a fender-bender and there were no injuries reported."

He's talking about her car, by the way. We already know that bitch has been rear-ended, side-ended, front-ended, etc... She is a walking beat down wreck! Although, it was smart of her to get those airbag titties installed a while ago. They saved her!

A witness-type told TMZ that the accident was not Linda's fault, but I don't buy it. Everything is the Hogans fault. They are to blame for everything. When I can't go caca right, I blame the Hogans. They shouldn't be allowed behind the wheel of moving vehicles. Better yet, they should not be allowed to leave their homes.

Here's some super exciting pictures of Linda and her manchild at the scene of the accident yesterday.

It takes a lot of money too look like a ran over piece of trash, because Linda Hogan wants more of it! Hulk Hogan is currently paying her gutter garbage ass $40,000 a month in temporary alimony, but she's whining that it's not enough and she's going poor. Meanwhile, some broke bitches are trying to make balanced meals out of Top Ramen, popcorn, white rice and ketchup packets from McDonald's.

Linda dragged Hulk into court on Thursday and asked a judge to unfreeze their assets, so that she could dip into them. She should drown in them if you ask me. Hulk's lawyer asked Linda to show proof that she's going broke. Um. Just look at her. That's a broke down, used up bitch if I ever saw one.

In addition to the 40 grand a month, Hulk also pays for repairs and maintenance to the home. He refused to pay for cable TV, window washing, their security system and pest control. Oh, that's where the $40k a month is going. Imagine how much it costs to keep the fleas, scabies, crabs, roaches, maggots and silverfish off of this skank!

Hulk also told the court that Linda recently dropped $14,000 on plastic surgery. The surgeon forgot to do one very important surgery: he forgot to sew her mouth shut. Shit. Sew all Hogan's mouths shut.

You know, I think we're all going to laugh until we queef in 5 years when Linda is really broke, because her 19-year-old fug toy ran off with all her money. And then we're going to gag on our own vomit after watching the sex tape she'll "leak" to drum up some cash. Ugh. That's totally going to happen.

Source

Mouth breather Nick Hogan was set free from jail at 12:30 this morning in Clearwater, Florida after serving 166 days of his 8-month sentence. He was given time off for good behavior aka they were sick of hearing his whines and cries. Nick was sent to the clink after he pleaded no contest to reckless driving.

Brooke Hogan and her *klassy* tramp stamp welcomed the short bus version of KFed back into civilization. The two dumb bitches then drove off to their mom's house where there was a party waiting. Yay! Let's party and get crunk while John Graziano lays in a hospital bed.

This morning, Linda Hogan released this statement asking for privacy. Take it with an extra-large grain of shit:

"This is our time as a family to come together to support Nick's adjustment back into the public life keeping it as normal as possible. Neither Nick, nor we as a family, has any interest in making this anything but private. We respect the media's role and only ask that they respect our privacy.

Nick went into prison as a juvenile and has experienced something that will mold and affect him for the rest of his adult life. His focus is to make a positive difference in this world, media free. Since his future actions will speak louder than any words, there is no need to speak to the media at this time"

She went on to say...."But make sure to tune into Nick's new reality show 'Nick Drives Best' premiering next month on Vh1!!!"

Here's a few more pictures of these two mutant peroxide monsters leaving jail this morning with Nick's lawyer. I didn't know Ugly Betty practiced law as well!

Clear the streets and stay indoors, because Nick Hogan is getting out of jail tomorrow after serving 166 jail dicks days of an 8-month sentence. Brooke Hogan wrote about his release on her MySpace blog and called out the "JELIS H8RS" who talk shit on her precious family.

Brooke tucked in her dick, crossed her legs, sat at the computer and typed out this shit:

There have been a lot of supporters and a lot of haters that have come up to me and said things that have helped and things that made me feel like I couldn't make it through another day... Some people wish terrible terrible things on us and say the the most nasty comments that I can't even repeat on here... It really hurts. I understand people have their own opinion, but most of the people that come up to us don't know the whole story, or how much we really really love John. Its really sad, because were not bad people....were just going through a really hard time, and so is John's family. I feel sorry for the people who are misinformed because all they have to go off of is the media, which lets just face it, is NEVER a reliable source. Even the news, when that should be the most accurate...its probably the most far off. I didn't come on here to vent, and I know this still wont change peoples opinion or what they think about my family. But I know that you never really know, until you actually walk in someones shoes. And that goes in all directions. All I ask, is instead of making this harder, and putting evil things out there, you pray for John and for us, and leave words of inspiration. I know- like I know -like I know- John is gonna walk out of that hospital and things will be ok again. I know his strength and I know he can do it with our prayers...... To all the people who have been supportive- It has helped MORE than you will ever know. I can not thank you enough.....Please pray for my brothers safety too... this is a really tough time he has gone through and I know all he wants to do is show you, John and his family how much he cares and understands.

ok. Back to the happy stuff! .......I just can't wait to see my Nicky! Im gonna make him every kind of food you can possibly think of! Hes been living on bread an potatoes so far and I know some mac'n'cheese is gonna hit the spot! LOL Thanks so much for listening and keep praying! Every day will be better and better and better. God bless you! Have a safe day!

Yes, Brooke. Nick is going to get out of jail. John is going to make a miraculous recovery and run into your arms. Then a pink pony with golden wings will take the three of you to a beautiful crystal palace. All the "JELIS H8RS" will turn into worms and you'll spend the afternoon feeding them to fluffy birds with diamond beaks. I swear. It must be nice living on Planet Dumb Fuck.

In addition to the bread and potatoes, I'm sure Nick also had plenty of sausages and dick cheese.

Nick Hogan, the dough boy with roid brains, will be released back into the wild on October 21st, three months earlier than expected. Nick was sentenced to eight-months in jail for the car accident that put his friend John Graziano in a vegetative state.

A jail official told People that Nick's early release follows standard procedures. The jail official said: "They automatically get credits towards early release, and if they don't do anything bad while they're here, they get to use the credits."

Nick's brother Brooke said she's looking forward to her brother getting out of the clink. "I'm not sure where he'll live. I think he's going to do his own thing." Yeah, she really sounds like her balls are dripping with happiness.

It's no surprise that Nick's getting out early. I'm already rolling my eyes and dry heaving at all the TV interviews, phony PSAs, magazine shoots, reality shows and straight-up fuckery that will follow after his release.

File this under: Somebody give this skank a brownie and sit her down. Brooke Hogan posted two fake mug shots on her MySpace this past weekend. One had her holding a sign that says "Id RaThr B wiTH mY Br0thR 18." And the other one says "Thnk U 4 Lettn Me B MahSelf." Brooke gets an F in Brit Brit-talk. She shoudn't try it. And a sign that says "PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME" would have been better.

Brooke is asking to be thrown into jail with her brother. Somebody please grant her this wish! I know it's a men's prison, but if you pat her down, I'm sure you'll find a set of testicles!

After the fake mug shots were posted all over the internet, Brooke posted a blog on her MySpace calling everyone HATERS.

LOL poor press and clingy gossip lovers....

It's so funny that the smallest thing I do can jack up everyones day...LOL sorry I ruined your little gossip world today people.........or did I give you something else interesting to cling to for your boring worlds? :) Stay tuned! I might go shave my eyebrows tomorrow! Lets see what other fun things I can think of...um.... don't you have a life to live? I know I do! Peace!

Love Always, Brooke

Do you hear that? uR JELis CUZ u dont undurrstand!

And Brooke, please don't shave your eyebrows. The cholas don't want you!

Note to Brooke Hogan: Never pose in front of a wall with the word "Trans" on it. Look before you pose. She probably wondered why all the photographers were pissing themselves laughing. Well, Brooke may give us yet another reason to laugh at her ass. The NYDN reports that Playboy wants her in their magazine. Yes, I said PlayBOY and not PlayGIRL. Brooke apparently hasn't turned down the offer.

20-year-old Brooke has never posed naked, but she's posed in a bikini before. Hulk Hogan has also made it a point to talk about how he doesn't want her looking like a slut. Brooke's rep said, "No decision has been made at this time." Let me make the decision for you, Brooke. Keep that shit to yourself! We know your tuck is proper, but we don't need to see it in all its glory.

Hulk will probably agree to this shit if he can shoot the pictures and style her. Brooke's issue of Playboy better come complete with a bottle of eye bleach.

When looking for pictures of Brooke, I was surprised to find out what a true fashion icon she is. Here's some pictures of Brooke's many classy ensembles.

Brooke Hogan makes it so hard for me to like her. She seems like the only bitch in the Hogan family that has more than half a brain cell, but then she goes and does shit like this. She looks like a tranny roasted chicken stuffed into discount lingerie from the local whore store. Brooke needs to leave this kind of tacky skank shit for the Trannycat Dolls. It's not helping her cause.

You know that after she performed, her daddy probably told her he'd wash that outfit for her. I bet he will. BARF!

Below is some video of Brooke skanking it up with The Knockouts at Mansion in Miami this past weekend.

Okay, at least she wore exquisite lucite heels from the Shauna Sand collection.