Raffey

Get out the Bounty and wipe the crocodile tears off your face, because Raffaello Follieri is not having a lovely autumn. Why you ask? It's because he's in fucking prison! Duh. What the hell did he expect? A merry gay orgy with endless supplies of lube, Baby Wipes and Donna Summer? WRONG. He got the gay orgy but without the lube.

Raffy Fullofshitti was sentenced to 4.5 years in the chokey for messing with Jesus. Raffy is currently being held at some joint in Brooklyn waiting to be moved to his permanent home. Even though his current home is temporary, he's still bitching about it. Raffy's lawyer filed a motion with the judge asking for her client to be moved, because his current cell conditions are gross.

He's bitching that the toilets are nasty, there's shit in the showers, rats are running around everywhere, the food is rotten, the stench is unbearable and he has to share a cell with 120 other dudes. That shit sounds better than some of the NYC apartments I've lived in!

His lawyer also said that the conditions have made him sick, causing him to run a fever. There's also blood in his piss. Wait. Has he ever fucked Wonky McValtrex?

Wah! Wah! Wah! Yeah, I'm sure he would rather be sleeping in a KMart bathroom (that shit is wretched), but such is life. He just needs to stick a finger in his brown eye, make himself another grilled cheese sandwich on the radiator and shut his Zach Braff-wannabe lips.

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Annie Hathaway's former beard Raffaello Follieri was sentenced to four and a half years in the chokey today for messing with Jesus. Zach Braff's clone pleaded guilty in September for wire fraud, money laundering and conspiracy after he pretended to be the CFO of the Vatican. He stole millions from investors.

In addition to serving four and a half years in the concrete resort, Raffy also got 3 years of supervised probation. He will start serving his sentence today.

Something tells me that's not the only sentence that was handed down to him today. This bitch ass has earned a prime spot next to us on the Winnebago to the 9th circle of Hell.

I wonder how Annie took the news? She was probably eating a chunky tuna sammy, looked up, pulled a celery string out of her teeth, shrugged and then kept chomping.

Anne Hathaway's ex-beard, Raffey Folliero, was sentenced to 5 years in the chokey today for messing with God. Raffey pleaded guilty to all 14 counts against him for pretending to work for the Vatican and stealing around $6 million. During his plea, Raffey told the court, "I know what I did was wrong."

What a moron. I would've said, "It wasn't me. It was Zach Braff." DUH.

TMZ reports that Raffey also asked the judge to move him from his holding cell because of "unspecified inmate issues."

Inmate issues?! Does it burn when he pisses?

It sounds to me like Raffey might be sharing a cell with Antonio "I like beating men over the head with my 8-inch sausage" Vasquez.

The FBI raided Raffey Follieri's Trump Tower apartment and took a ton of shit including Anne Hathaway's private diaries. Rush & Molloy reports that they also seized a bunch of personal photos of Raffey with Anne, Pope John Paul II, Bill Clinton, Cindy McCain and other hos.

The FBI hope Anne's diaries and the other shit can help build their case against Raffey. Raffey was charged with 11 counts of fraud and money laundering for pretending to be the CFO of the Vatican in order to do a bunch of hood rat stuff.

Raffey is still in jail and Anne wants nothing to do with him. She's changed all her phone numbers and hasn't spoken to him since she dumped his ass days before his arrest.

There's probably nothing major in those diaries. Anne Hathaway is every shade of boring. Her entries probably look like this:

"Dear Diary,

No matter what I do I can't get this awful fish taste out of my mouth. I've tried brushing with baking soda, rinsing with vinegar and nothing. It just won't go away and people are starting to ask questions. I know I could stop eating fish, but I just love the taste. I'll ask Heather Matarazzo what to do. She'll know.

Love, Kisses and Sushi,
Annie

P.S. - I think my beard might be stealing from the pope or something. I'm not sure."

Donald Trump has to give his stupid ass opinion on absolutely everything and the whole Raffey Follieri situation is no exception. Donald CHUMP told Access Hollywood (via MSNBC) that it was very "disloyal" of Anne Hathaway to leave Raffey just before his arrest. What Trump calls "disloyal," I call "smart."

Trump said, “She hasn’t remained very loyal to him, has she? So when he had plenty of money, she liked him, but then after that, not as good, right?”

I'm a little disappointed that Trump didn't end his comments by saying, "And she's a fat, degenerate, lazy slob!"

This is pretty rich coming from a dude who collects wives the way he collects dead pussy hair. If Trump lost his cash tomorrow, Melania and her hot squinty eyes would be out the fucking door without so much as a goodbye. Rule #1 in the Gold Digger's handbook is: Love the money, not the man!

Who done told on Raffey Follieri to the FBI?! According to his friends, Raffey's ex-somethingoranother Anne Hathaway ratted him out to the feds. Why that cunning lil' gayelle!

One of his friends told the NYDN, "She's referred to as his former girlfriend in the indictment even though her spokesman never confirmed they broke up. I think that in return for her cooperation, the feds held off on arresting Follieri until she was out of the country."

29-year-old (MY ASS) Raffey is still sitting in jail on $21 million bial after he was arrested for fucking with the Vatican by pretending to be their CFO to steal tons of cash from investors.

Well played, Annie. Although, bitch should have taken his credit cards for a little Home Depot shopping spree before she turned his Zach Braff wannabe ass over to the FBI.