American Idol

I've decided for myself that Pill-Poppin' Abdul and the new chick hate each other. HATE each other. Like a "I think about opening a hot curling iron in your asshole" kind of hate. I don't know this for a fact, but it's the only way I can accept the new chick. Look at Paula. If she wasn't Robitrippin so hard, she'd slap the new chick with her good hand. Her other hand is always numb from all ze Vicodin. And the new chick is softly praying to herself, "Please help me find a way to not whip this crackie's ass. I just got this job!"

Here's the new and maybe-improved "American Idol" family at the NYC audition today. Simon Cowell's manchichis are looking so perky. I bet he has some duct tape holding up those things.

A new person will get to inhale Paula Abdul's Vicodin vodka breath while judging "American Idol" this season. Singer/songwriter Kara DioGuardi will join Paula, Simon and Randy as a permanent judge when the show returns for its 8th season in January. Eight seasons of Paula's craziness.

Simon Fuller said they originally wanted four judges when "American Idol" started. Why?! They already have around 20 judges if you count all of Paula's personalities.

Simon went on to say, "We are turning the heat up on 'Idol' this year and are thrilled to welcome Kara to the judges' table. She is a smart, sassy lady, and one of America's most successful songwriters. We know she will bring a new level of energy and excitement to the show."

Kara has worked with Kelly Clarkson, Xtina, Gwen Stefani, Celine Dion, Faith Hill, Santana, Carrie Underwears, Brit Brit, Clay Gayken and more.

Personally, I think they should have dumped Simon and Randy. Paula should be the only judge. Just give her an open bar, a shady pharmacist and let her rip!

Somebody should let Kara know that she's only there to showcase Paula's craziness. Therefore, she should disagree with her as much as possible and also insult her dogs. Oh and it will help if she mentions that Bratz movie at least twice a day. In case you have no idea what I'm babbling about, clip below:

Source

File this under: Yes, they are still alive! Paris Bennett, Carmen Rasmusen and Ruben Studdard from "American Idol" might not be busy making music, but they are busy doing something. In case you give a duck's penis, here's some news on these has-beens.

Paris Bennett (Season 5): The jesus-loving 19-year-old is knocked up with her first baby! Paris will pop out a girl this October and plans to name her Egypt. Egypt?! That baby is already doomed. I knew a ho named Egypt and her mommy really should have named her Cleopbitcha instead, because she was a mega cunt. Hopefully, Princess P re-thinks that name. She should name her Toulouse instead. Paris & Toulouse!

Paris' mommy confirmed the news, "This makes five generations. I'm proud of how she did it. I was 16 when I got pregnant." Her mommy said that Paris is engaged to the baby daddy, but she wouldn't say his name. It's probably Clay Gayken's. (AOL BV)

Carmen Rasumsen (Season 2): While performing in Branson, Missouri, Carmen announced to the audience that she was knocked up. Carmen said she and her husband are expecting a baby around Christmas Eve. She added, “Now we’re able to open up and talk about (God)." HUH?! Seriously, who is this bitch? I don't even remember her! And she's lying. It's really Clay Gayken's baby. (Reserve Branson)

Ruben Studdard (Season 2 winner): The Velvet Teddy Bear married Surata Zuri McCants yesterday in Birmingham, AL. Ruben was joined by 20 groomsmen. He's probably pregnant too......with Clay Gayken's baby, of course. (People)