Fug

How did the tranny frog get the reclusive gaysian unicorn known as Bobby Trendy to come to her stupid ass book party? It must have been an accident. Bobby was probably nearby when he heard his mating call: the click from a camera. It beckoned him to bring a little glamour to this overall fug affair. And I'm glad he did, because otherwise we wouldn't get to see how he reworked the vagina prom dress to make it work for him. Now the fat pink pussy on his chest matches the one on his ass. And is it just me or does Bobby kind of look like a ladyboy version of Phyllis Diller here?

That dumb bitch Kelly Taylor also came out when she should've stayed home with her head in a big bowl of VO5! Bitch's hair looks like Sarah Jessica Parker's next meal. That shit looks highly flammable. One flame is all it takes... Luckily, Jennie didn't stand anywhere near Bobby.

Here's the rest of the whores from last night's dreadful affair including, Kim Kardassian, Preparation H's arch rival Lisa Rinna, Creepy McDermott, Harry Hamlin and Rodney Stranger's twin sister Patti.

Phil Spector was just found guilty of second-degree murder in the murder of Lana Clarkson in 2003. Lana was found shot to death in Phil's home in Alhambra. Phil was tried for her murder in 2007, but the jury couldn't come up with a verdict. They did this time however and now Phil will have to find a way to cut his hair with a plastic spork in the big house. You know how he feels about his mop. Phil could get at least 18 years.

Ding, dong, the shaggedy-haired troll witch is finally getting his. Phil shouldn't be too weepy though. He's a shoo-in for Miss Inmate USA '09. His luscious locks will win him the top prize.

Source: LAist

Meet 66-year-old Rev. William Blasingame of Staten Island, NY. Rev. Willie faces up to 15 years in the chokey after he broke the 8th Commandment by stealing $85,000 from St. Paul's Memorial Episcopal, the church where he worked.

Rev. Willie used the money on plastic surgery procedures, Botox shots, car insurance, pretty clothes, prescription meds and club memberships. I know it's hard to believe that Rev. Willie's beauty isn't natural. It looks like Jesus himself put his hands on Willie's face. His stunning looks burn my eyes. He has a face only the red light of an underground bath house could love.

Rev. Willie worked at the church for 30 years, but began stealing from the beautification (HA!) fund 4 years ago.

The New York Post says Rev. Willie obviously only used the money to make himself pretty, because his house looks like the inside of Wino's crackhive. One church employee said there was animal shit and liquor bottles everywhere! They had to use 5 dumpsters to empty all the crap in his rectory. And I bet there's a bunch of nasty crap in his rectum too. It had to be said.

Obviously, Rev. Willie doesn't believing in the saying "Cleanliness is next to Godliness." But he does believe in "Plasticness is next to Godliness."

Well, luckily Rev. Willie has that precious face. It will take him very far in prison. And by "very far," I mean face first into a foam mattress.

And is it just me or does Rev. Willie sort of look like Richard Chamberlain in The Thorn Birds? I know. I need to go stick my head in a toilet.

Throw it back into the fucking sea! I never thought I'd ever ever write this, but I'd rather share a McNuggetini with Lady GaGa's droopy cooch than look at this herp-crusted piece of rotten Mahi Mahi. That's how much this wonky skankwhoreslutbitch makes the caca boil up into my throat. It probably tastes better than her toxic chocha juices. And is that a piece of lattice fence she's wearing?! Extreme WHORE Makeover!

On a positive note, at least those glasses cover up her busted wonky eye! However, Geordi La Forge called and said Wonky can keep those things. The CDC already warned him.

For those of you that are taking Alli, I suggest that the next time your asshole starts leaking greasy diarrhea, you bottle that shit STAT! Valentino will buy it from you by the gallon, because it looks like he loves to slather his face in poopy oil. That's his look. You might see a colonic gone wrong, but Valentino sees booty and poofection.

Here's Valentino looking like something Brit Brit might fart out at the premiere of his documentary in Los Angeles last night with Fishsticks and Anne Hathaway.

Topshop and Topman opened in NYC last night and I have to start by telling the power bottoms out there who might not know about this shit that this is NOT a place where hundreds of tops are lined up for your pleasure. I made that mistake when I was in London. I was promptly escorted out by security when I asked where the dick was. It was all very embarrassing.

At last night's opening, Kate Moss and JLo came mouth to cheek. This gross moment is making my stomach crawl up to my throat, but I hope it was good for JLo. Like I hope she got high off of Kate's fumes, because bitch needs it! Maybe if JLo got a hit of the bad shit, she would stop making "I got a doody bubble and it won't come out" face. Actually, a taste of the bad shit might make it worse. I seriously will be willing to put on an entire box of Hazmat-approved rubber gloves so that I can pop JLo's doody bubble Bobby Brown-style. Maybe then will she stop making that annoying IHasFarts face.

And if Chuck Bass chased the dragon, caught it, stumbled into a fruit dehydrator and passed out in there for a few weeks, he'd come out looking like Skeletor. Methinks Skeletor thought plaid would make him look like he's a member of the living. He thought wrong.

Mary-Kate Olsen rolled out from under the bridge and didn't even bother combing out the squirrel's nest on her hair. She must have misplaced her comb made out of children's nails and ferret bones. But I think this evil troll does it on purpose. You see, her hair may look like the inside of a used vacuum bag to us, but to little furry creatures it looks like a comfy place to live. And that's how she gets them!

The innocent furries of the forest think they have found utopia when they lay their tired bones on her head, but what they've found is their death place! Bitch clubs them over the head and cackles with glee because she has a new mitten, coat, g-string or nipple cover. Pure evil.

Here's the troll saying "pruuuuuuune" at The Metropolitan Opera's 125th Anniversary Gala thing in NYC last night. The nest on her head is also how she trapped her date. That boy child looks like he was raised in the trees and eats mostly bird seed with that itty bitty mouth of his.

Lily Allen needs to stop throwing fists and use her hands to throw this whole entire fugness on her body into the incinerator. Or at least donate it to a local memaw who will know the correct way to wear the fuck out of this ensemble. This really does look like an elderly ho's stoop sale busted a load all over Lily.

That sweater dress doesn't belong on a person. It belongs on a pillow on the sofa in some old queen's Palm Spring's vacation home with a bison frise named "Frances Ethel Gumm" chewing at it. And I can't even comment on the FUGGS in the room. My feelings on that subject have been heard loud and LOUDER.

This is Lily leaving some hotel in London with a smile on her face, because a court ordered a couple of pappies to stop bothering her ass. On Thursday, Lily attacked some pappies with her hands and a water bottle after they knocked into her car. There were reports that if the pappies decided to cry to the police about it, Lily could lose her US Visa which would mean her US tour would be canceled. Her spokeswhore said the tour has not been affected at all.

Lily's lawyer issued this statement yesterday: "In a court hearing that took place this afternoon, my client, Lily Allen, has resolved issues surrounding her constant harassment with two picture agencies and has also obtained from the High Court an injunction restraining further harassment of her by other paparazzi photographers."

But yet Lily is free to continue to harass our eyes with outfits that should never see the light of anything. The world is not a fair place.

Some bitch dropped a wet caca on Fuggie's hair and she debuted the new look last night at the March of Dimes' Beauty Ball in NYC last night. More like the Doody Ball.

The new hair still doesn't wash out the meth from her face. In fact it makes her look even more like she's going to give you a poison apple while cackling.

If Cher got caught in a meth lab explosion, this is what she would look like after. Seriously, the diarrhea brown might look better if it was curly or some shit. The straight hair looks like two curtains framing her face. And Fuggie's face should never be the star of the show.

Where was Peta when you really, really (the only time) needed them?! There's a sack of flour somewhere waiting to unload itself all over this butchery!

The models at Jean-Charles de Castelbajac's fashion show in Paris last night walked down the runway wearing the decapitated heads and hides of our beloved Muppet friends. Even Fozzie. NOT FOZZIE! They didn't even try to fuck with Miss Piggy, because that hardcore bitch bites and doesn't let go!

Cut to Solange Knowles in a Toys 'R Us somewhere feverishly chopping the heads off of Kermits.