Prostitots

Yesterday on her show, Ellen Degeneres asked prostitot chipmunk Miley Cyrus about her 20-year-old boyfriend and the topic made Disney's favorite whore erupt into an annoying seizure of giggles. You can tell Ellen wanted to hit her over the head with her strap-on. I would've held her down for Ellen. Miley's laugh can fucking grate cheese.

Has Miley been sharing a can of computer dust with that hot bitch Allison from "Intervention"? I was expecting Miley to bob her head and say, "It's like I'm walkeeeen on suuunnshine."

Thanks Galina

The dirty toilet plunger known as Stephen Baldwin vowed to move to Canada if Obama won. Somebody give that dumb fuck a newspaper, because Obama is our next president and Stephen is still here! I doubt Canada wants his ass either. When Obama won, they probably sent Stephen a bottle of their native maple syrup with a note that said, "Eh! This is the closest you will get to our fair Canada! Eh!"

Stephen lied to us all by not leaving. That's not very Christian-like. In the wise words of the God Warrior, "HE IS NOT A CHRISTIIIIAAAAAAN." It also wasn't very Christian of him to get Hannah Montana's initials tattooed on his body. Ew and ew.

According to TMZ, at some White House event last year, Miley Cyrus dared Stephen to get Hannah Montana's initials tattooed somewhere on his busted body. If he did it, she would let him guest star on her show. Well, yesterday at one of his book signings in Nashville, Stephen showed Miley his tattoo. He went through his part of the deal so she has to get through hers. Miley agreed that she'd let him cameo on her show.

No, that's not creepy at all. Well, it's only her initials, Stephen could tell people it means something else. Horny Moron? Hobag Mangina? Humongous Motherfucker? The possibilities are endless.

And since I mentioned God Warrior, it would be dark-sided not to post her most shining moment:

Image: Pacific Coast News

Miley, Miley, Miley... She might as well have handed this picture over on a silver platter with the newest copy of Photoshop and a Pedobear Approved sticker.

Someone should tell Miley that she's not in the backwoods anymore. There are spoons available for her to use. But something tells me Billy Ray Cyrus hid them all.

In other prostitot news, Miley has announced that she's just finished her first autobiography at the ripe old age of 15. OMG! LMAO! ROTFL! Miley said, "I'm not sure when it's going to come out. It's finished but you've got a long process of editing and all that kind of stuff, so it takes a while."

It's probably the first book to be written entirely through text and IM messages. It's going to be called: "DNT H8!!1!!! UR JST JELLIS!"

Here's more of Miley, her "way too hot for her" boyfriend and possum-haired Billy Ray at the Millions of Milkshakes event in Los Angeles yesterday. They named a milkshake after her! Billy Ray isn't in a lot of these pictures because he kept excusing himself to use the bathroom. And notice the last picture. Another gem brought to you by Pedobear!

When the whores at Disney heard the rumor that Miley and Billy Ray wanted out of the "Hannah Montana" show, they probably sent Goofy, Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck to take care of those hillbillies and set them straight. Because Miley issued a statement today claiming she will stay on the show.

Disney's biggest cash cow said: "I am fully committed to Hannah Montana. It's what gave me this amazing opportunity to reach out to so many people. I couldn't do it alone. We have an amazing cast that is so supportive, including my dad who has been there for me every step of the way."

That's right. Homegirl knows who's putting supper on the table: MICKEY FUCKING MOUSE. Mickey probably told Miley, "Billy Ray ain't your father. I AM! I'm your daddy! I say when this game is over! Now go shake that ass and bring home the cheese!"

Here's Mickey Mouse's slave with her gay boyfriend and her crazy-eyed mommy last night.

Looks like this country bumpkin and her possum-haired pa are turning into some greedy ass motherfuckers. What's the matter, you don't have enough Firebirds sitting on cinderblocks in your front yard?

Sounds to me like Billy Ray has been filling Miley's head full of raccoon shit. Apparently, her TV show "Hannah Montana" isn't making enough scratch to support his mullet habit and his wife's other lil' chilluns. So he needs his cash cow to make more cash.

Doesn't this heartless hillbilly care about her little fans?! 30-year-old dues who live in their mothers basement and eat Cheerios for breakfast, lunch and dinner will be heartbroken and devastated!

According to TMZ, sources say Miley is acting like a brat, showing up late to the set and pissing off the cast and crew. They also claim Billy Ray has told people on the set that they're only going to do twelve more episodes and then they're out. But the whore machine known as Disney insisted that they finish the twenty-four episode season and will be doing another six episodes. I'm sure there's also contracts involved to prevent any quitting or firing from happening.

Billy and Miley would be extremely stupid to dump her TV show. I mean, what will they do when her singing career tanks and they can't afford all those back country luxuries.....like moonshine and Pabst Blue Ribbon?

Here's a few pictures of Miley with a friend and some blended coffee drinks in Los Angeles yesterday. That's right. That ho knows better than to buy a Starbucks Frapp. That drink is off-limits! There's only one pork-rind-lovin' popstar in Los Angeles who gets to drink those things.

The last time I tried to step into a church, the sky went dark, the ground started shaking and my skin started to heat up. I got the hint and immediately vacated the premises and headed to the nearest bar. That's where I belong. Because of that incident, I have no idea what people wear to church anymore.

Here's 15-year-old Miley Cyrus with her 20-year-old maybe boyfriend, underwear model Justin Gaston, going to church in Pasadena, CA yesterday. If church is filled with hot panty models wearing tank tops, then I know where I'm spending my Sunday afternoons. I can't go inside, but I can watch the eye candy from across the street.

Miley's lazy possum of daddy doesn't seem to mind that his daughter is dating a 20-year-old underwear model, because he went to church with them. Justin was also a contestant on "Nashville Star," which Billy Ray hosted.

Billy Ray has nothing to worry about. Miley is saving herself for marriage. You know, the "Disney way." I'm sure they spend their nights eating milk and cookies and watching PG-13 rated movies. Seriously, I think that's all they're doing, because the dude looks like he foams at the mouth at the sight of a big dick.

Click here to see some of Justin's finest work.

I'd pay $250 to slap the highlights out of Billy Ray Cyrus' hair, but I won't pay that much to party with a prostitot. Miley Cyrus is throwing a Sweet 16th birthday party on October 5th at Disneyland in California. Mark your calendars! October 5th is the day to stay far away from Anaheim, CA at all costs. Miley's real birthday is on November 23rd.

Miley is inviting the public to her party at the happiest whorehouse in America, but it's going to cost you $250 a ticket. Proceeds will go to some charity called Youth Service America. She should also give ticket buyers a commemorative keepsake photo of her flashing her panties while giving her signature prostitot pout.

And what does Miley want for her birthday? She told Entertainment Tonight, "A car. I will let you know when I'm on the road so you get off the road!” Oh shit. She is the next Brit Brit and she knows it!

A car is fine. At least she didn't ask for a camera. I'm sure she'll get at least a thousand of those from pedos all over the world.

LifeStyles Condoms has offered 15-year-old Miley Cyrus $1 million to be the new "face" of their product. They think that Miley, a self-proclaimed virgin, could encourage other teens to practice safe sex.

The VP of marketing for LifeStyles told Full Disclosure, "With recent reports showing that one out of four teenage girls has an STD and the high level of teenage pregnancy, we believe that Miley is both influential and relatable to this afflicted set. ve that Miley is both influential and relatable to this afflicted set - and is the obvious choice to get the message of safe sex out to teens across America."

In addition to the $1 million, LifeStyles also offered her a lifetime supply of condoms. A spokesbitch for Miley said they aren't interested and it's never going to happen.

This isn't a bad idea. Miley could get Disney involved too. You know how they have those cutesy Disney band-aids? They can do the same thing for condoms and give them cute names like Winnie the Lube or Crurubber de Vil.

I've never used LifeStyles so I couldn't say if a lifetime supply would be worth it. I'm strictly Trojan. And if there aren't any Trojans around, I'll just use a sandwich baggie, a rubber band and some vaseline. You know, the "KFed" method. What am I saying? He doesn't use condoms.

Miley, Miley, Miley..... This prostitot is never going to learn. Miley and personal cameras do not go together. So, someone hacked into poor little Miley Cyrus' iPhone and found these old pictures she apparently sent to Nick Jonas of The Jonas Hos. Miley, it's called the delete button. Use it!

Who took the picture of her with "fart lips" in the shower? Today's tweens are so weird. When I was her age we did normal shit like smoke crack, go to sex parties and spend the weekends selling our bodies on the streets. You know, kid stuff.

The guy who hacked Miley claims he found "worse" pictures of her that he's trying to sell. Excuse me while I go and delete all of my nude pictures from my phone. This could take me a while.