Big Brother

I don't know what's more shocking, that Brendon and Rachel from Big Brother 12 are still together (or were, I should really type) or that he's dumb enough to flash his dick on Skype without thinking it's going to be broadcast all over the internet? That second question is rhetorical, by the way. Rachel, the hyena whose screeching voice could give a deaf person a migraine, and Brandon, her whipped boyfriend, broke up the other day after she found out he was cyber fucking with at least three pieces.

One of those pieces, released a picture of Brendon's peen puckering up for his web cam and when it came across Rachel's desk she immediately Twatted the girl to get the bottom of EVERYTHING. ONTD has been documenting this ongoing drama and has screencapped Rachel's Twitter plea (which she has since deleted):

Rachel packed up her cases of Feria and carried the pieces of her broken heart all the way back to Las Vegas. While riding in his lonely inner tube for one in the shallow puddle created by Rachel's tears of betrayal, Brendon recorded a woeful public apology for passing his peen on Skype. AHAHAHAHA! This shit is better than the entire season of BB12.

If this monologue was set to music, it would be a Stevie B song. Watch the Ballad of the Sad Pussy below:

All of this for just web cam whoring?! How did these two get college degrees when they are permanently stuck in the 9th grade? I swear, Rachel probably made the water in a test tube turn green once and now she thinks she's a fancy scientist!

Oh, and I can totally read your mind. You've been internally screaming "WHERE'S THE PEEN? WHERE'S THE PEEN? WHERE'S THE PEEN?" since this post started. Well, (NSFW) here's the peen! That's a good dick attached to a big fat vagina.

Why not spend the next minute-and-a-half watching Lane, the big hot bag of dumb on Big Brother, bust all kinds of various restrained Ofaces while massaging his wang in the shower. This magical live feed moment is brought to you by Jezebel who says that right before Lane's shower date with himself, the dudes were sharing fuck stories with each other. So that probably gave Lane an urge to purge his peen.

I love how Lane is trying to be all slick by poking at his ears and nose to take the focus off the party going down below. Please, Lane should not act like he's cleaning the wax out of his ear holes when we know very well he's really focused on cleaning the jizz out of peen hole.

You know, this clip doesn't feel the same without Julie Chen popping in to say, "But first, Lane is going fuck himself." Julie should be on call 24/7 for important situations like this.

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The next season of The Amazing Race just started shooting a few days ago, and the identities of possible cast members are already leaking out.

Jordan, the winner of Big Brother 11, was spotted at LAX with her fellow BB-cast member turned real-life boyfriend Jeff. They had cameras following them and were both wearing backpacks. It gets worse. Or better, depending on how you look at it. Caitlin "Such As" Upton, the former Miss Teen South Carolina who gave one of the dumbest answers in pageant history, has also been identified as a possible contestant. Apparently, Caitlin is racing with her boyfriend Brent Horne.

CBS isn't going to confirm this shit until taping is over.

All my fellow Americans better visit other countries while we still can. I have a feeling that every country these dumb dumbs visit will pass a law banning all American tourists from crossing their borders. If Jordan & Jeff don't offend the locals, Miss Such As will!

Although, I doubt Miss Such As even made it to the first destination city. She probably got lost inside of the car on the way to the airport. She's either stuck in the trunk or trying to figure out how to open the passenger door. Just leave her there.

In case you need to cringe today, here's Miss Such As in action:

Sources: Reality Fan Forum & Survivor Sucks (via ONTD)

After Adam "Baller" Jasinski won $500,000 on Big Brother 9, he didn't blow the all the money on frivolous shit like food, shelter or charity. No, Adam used his brainpower and invested the prize money in pharmaceuticals. Unfortunately, his investment didn't really pay off, because his ass was arrested for trying to sell oxycodone pills on Saturday night. And unfortunately, there's no stupid ass Golden Power of Veto available to get Adam out of this shit.

MyFoxBoston reports that Adam used some of the $500,000 prize money to buy a Lohan load of oxycodone pills which he planned to sell. Adam flew into Boston on Saturday night after he made a deal with a Massachusetts man who wanted to buy 2,000 pills. Well, the man turned out to be an FBI informant who was wearing a wire. When Adam handed over the pills to the informant, the police jumped in and took "The Baller" away.

Adam was charged with possession of the bad shit with intent to distribute. Adam will have to marinate in a jail cell until his hearing on Thursday. If Adam is found guilty, he could face up to 20 years in the clink (where Big Brother is ALWAYS watching) and a $1 million fine.

None of this is really that surprising since Adam always looked like he had the withdrawal shakes on the show. Dude's eyeballs were so spazzed out that they would enter a room minutes before he did.

And hopefully, this means that the next Big Brother: All-Stars will take place in prison.

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SPOILER ALERT! The dumb skanks of Big Brother haven't even been in the house for a week and they are already throwing racial slurs at each other. Yeah, I guess I should be surprised that it took them this long.

The slur came from the mouth of Braden, the model/actor/surfer/fashion icon (his words, not mine) who once flashed (NSFW) flashed his wang on an episode of Dante's Cove.

During a bitch fight today, Braden said to Kevin, "What the fuck are you? You're a Mexican from San Diego!" While Kevin (who is half black and half Asian) screamed, "I AM NOT A MEXICAN," Braden kept saying, "You're a fucking beaner. You're all beaners!"

Braden makes no sense. Why does he think "You're a Mexican from San Diego" is a major insult? For shits, I googled "Mexican from San Diego" and got a picture of a surprised turtle and a picture of delicious tacos. That looks like a compliment to me.

This reminds me of the time in junior high school when some idiotic bitch called me a "gay wetback." I had to burst her racial slur bubble by telling her that I was born here. But that didn't stop her! She had the perfect comeback: "Okay, well you're a wannabe gay wetback then and that's like way worse." And she's an authentic dumb fuck.

Braden later apologized to Kevin.

I think that CBS should do things a little differently this season. This Thursday, instead of sending someone home, the producers should release a pack of rabid boars into the house. Because it's only going to get worse.

(Thanks Colette)

Jessie Godderz from Big Brother 10 is the bodybuilder and resident twat of the house. I seriously can't stand him for the simple fact that he's fucking with Renny. Nobody messes with my Renny.

A week or so ago, a few semi-nude pictures of Jessie leaked. GaySocialite's claims that Jessie's friends leaked the pictures. They also claim that Jessie is a closeted wiener gobbler. One of their friends said, "He isn't ready for his parents, or the public, to know that he is gay. Jessie isn't actually open with his sexuality, but he doesn't hide it too well either. We just don't talk about it."

Um....the fourth thumbnail below is as gay as it gets. I'm sure Tommy Girl has already photoshopped his face into that picture. Gross.

Towleroad also made a good point. Jessie may not like chicks or other dudes, but he definitely loves himself. Seriously, he wants to make a million roid babies with himself. He's probably broken several mirrors from trying to do sex to his own reflection.

That being said, I'd hit it, but I'd have to bring my own dildo. You know he totally has roly poly peen.

The above clip is a few days old and I've been meaning to post it, but I kept forgetting. My brain was protecting me by continually blocking it out. It's a clip from Big Brother 10 featuring Ollie, the preacher's son, and April, the resident skank whore, doing sexy times under a blanket on some seating area. They are out in the open, so all the lights are turned on.

I really shouldn't call this sexy times because there's nothing sexy about it. April's foot just lays there like a dying trout. The clip reaches high-levels of grossness when April says, "You have to pull out." That piece of nastiness is around the 3:40 mark.

Ollie and April didn't stop there. They also fucked yesterday (clip below). This time they settled for the comfort of a bedroom, so the lights were turned off. Don't fret, they make the same nasty sounds. It seriously sounds like a group of raccoons feasting on hot trash and loving every second of it. My ears dry heaved towards the end of the clip when April tells Ollie, "Cum on me." BARF ON ME. This dumb bitch is totally going to get knocked up. Nothing says "dumb American slut" like getting knocked up on live television.

VIA Reality Blurred

Everyone season of Big Brother casts the same kind of whores. There's always the blonde slut, the gay dude who will probably be extremely annoying by the end of the season, the Christian who doesn't drink and the bat shit crazy lady who might stab you in your sleep. This season, the latter label goes to Renny. Renny is the beauty shop owner from New Orleans. She's like Debbie from "Queer as Folk" meets Marilu Henner meets Baby Jane. She also reminds me of my doll-collection neighbor who smells of cat piss and cloves.

She's also become the most-hated bitch in the house! During last night's episode, Renny upset Jessie, the "natural body builder," after she kept waking his ass up in the night with her serial killer clown laugh. When Jessie complained, Renny told him to "lighten up." She's right. Bitches who take roids are so touchy! Oh wait. He's all-natural. Is there such thing as herbal roids?

Anyway, Renny's days in the house are numbered. She's already up for elimination with Jessie and I'm sure he'll suck Jerry's pepaw peen to stay in the house. The ones I fall in love with are always first to go.

And here's a bonus! We're not even one week into the show and we've already got our first racial slur of the season! Last night, the gay cowboy had this to say about Libra, "That colored girl ain't controlling nothing." Big Brother 10: Still full of dumb fucks who need to stick a dick in it.