Ed Westwick

For a few weeks, we were teased with the promise of homo lip action on Gossip Girl between Chuck SeaBass and some hot piece. Last night, I carefully took off my pants, folded them next to me and was all ready to watch the tongues fly, but all I got was a peck. A PECK! The kind of peck you'd give your accountant in the middle of a Sunday afternoon. That shit is beyond G-rated.

This is The CW we're talking, so I wasn't expecting a salad tossing or teabagging, but that wasn't a kiss. I mean, Chuck Bass obviously knows his way around a man's tongue, so I don't know why he acted like they were forcing him to kiss a rubber vagina. I want a refund.

There are some tattoos that you just want to lick and rub your nipples on (ADMIT IT). And there are some that you just want to hiss at and throw holy water at it. Ed Westwick's new tattoos fall under the latter category.

Ed posted pictures of two ENORMOUS ink skidmarks he got on each arm. One is a feather, which I'm guessing means he's light as feather (gay) and stiff as a board (always horny for peen). The other tattoo is a half-nekkid pin-up which is Ed's way of saying "I LOVES VAGINAZ." Yup, doesn't work. Especially when the look on his face is saying, "PUT A DICK ON MY FOREHEAD."

No, Ed Westwick doesn't want Zac Efron's body like that. Ed just wants to chop his and Zac's heads off and switch bodies. Basically. Life & Style says that 22-year-old Ed is sick and tired of having the body of a puff pastry-wrapped trout, so he wants to get muscles like purdy Cover Girl Zac Efron.

A source said, “After seeing new pics of Zac in magazines, Ed’s determined to get cut like him. Ed has no muscles or definition and really wants to improve his body.”

Aw. I'm guessing Ed sashayed into Chace Crawford's trailer one hot afternoon and caught him dry screwing one of Zac Efron's shirtless pictures. So now Ed wants to be the Zac Efron of Chace Crawford's wet dreams! Don't change for a twink, Ed! There's a zillion hos out there who will get the tingles while watching your body jiggle like a Jello Jiggler during fucky times (all fingers point to ME).

(Image sources: Fame & Splash)

Is Gossip Girl finally going to show some hot dude-on-dude action? SPOILER ALERT (Maybe). Well, the "hot" part is to be determined, but apparently they are going to give us a little gay action courtesy of Chuck Bass and the piece above. Michael Ausiello over at EW.com has it on good authority that Chuck Bass will pucker up his precious trout lips for actor Neal Bledsoe next season.

The storyline is kind of brings the bores. Neal will play the head of freshmen affairs at NYU, where Blair Waldorf Salad is a student. Blair really wants to deliver the freshmen speech at some school event, so Chuck Bass seduces Neal to get her the gig. BOOM! That's it. This is The CW, so I doubt this is going to make you want to fidget with your privates. I'm guessing no tongue, no nipple pinching, no face slapping and no hair pulling. I'd rather watch Ed Westwick and Chace Crawford's private home movies. But a gay kiss is a gay kiss, so this is a start.

Here's those GG hos (including Hilary Duff) shooting in NYC yesterday. And is Chuck Bass butt queefing in the second thumbnail below? Because the chick with the blue purse looks like she smells one.

Ed Westwick and Chace Crawford, the stars of a trillion blind items, have parted ways and are no longer living together. UsWeekly says that Chace packed up his blow dryer and moved out of the Chelsea apartment he shared with Ed Westwick since they started working on Gossip Girl together. Chace moved into a fancy penthouse in the financial district. The mirror is all his now!

A source says that Chace fluttered out of their nest, because he just couldn't take Ed's slob ways anymore. So I take it that Chace didn't like it when Ed would just bust all over the sheets, roll over and then go to bed. Jizz dust and dried-up ass jelly on the sheets never bothered me, but some hos have weak stomachs.

I have a feeling this is going to hit Ed hard. I hope he prepared for this by recording Chace's sleepy time breathing before he left, so he has something to soothe him to sleep at night.

True story. One of my friends was having a shitty time sleeping after a break up, because he was so used to going to bed with his man. Someone told his ass that he should cover a pillow with his ex's t-shirt and spray his cologne on it. My friend did just that and it worked! It made him look crazier than a Mexican jumping bean, but it worked! Okay, okay, I do the same thing each night, but I cuddle with a silver fox stuffed animal while audio of Anderson Cooper saying "I Wanna Be Your Boo" plays on a loop.

Here's Chuck Bass and foot fetish porn star Leighton Meester on the set of GG yesterday.

The White House Correspondents' Dinner was last night in DC and it looked like they put the invite on Facebook, because hos who had no business being there showed up to clink flutes with the President. By the looks of who showed up, this looks more like the White Castle Correspondents' Dinner. How did some of these trollops get in? I'm sure there were a lot of discarded caterer suits in the back hallway, because that's how most of them snuck in. Flat Stanley is the only bitch who deserved a chair at this dinner!

Okay, okay, some of these hos belonged, but only like 99.999999%. See for yourself. In order: Flat Stanley (with date Ed Westwick), Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Mariska Hargitay, Trudie Styler, Sting, Jon Bon Jovi, Amy Polar Bear, Natasha Bedingfield, Ty Ty Baby, Eva Longwhoria, Ricky Schroeder, Tommy Girl, a middle-aged alien robot wearing one of Barbara Bush's old ones, Kara DioSTFU, James Franco, Chace Crawford (who can't believe he's that close to boobies), Glenn Close, the baddest Monday-To-Friday-er in the room Samuel L. Jackson, Natalie Porkme, a tranny zombie wearing a blonde wig and STAINS' twin brother. See what I mean?

Ed Westwick has made the costumers on the set of Gossip Girl scream, "Why is that fatty fat fat so fucking fat?!" after his fittings. Apparently, Ed is eating too much succulent meat which is causing him to become a founding member of the BBB (Big Beautiful Bass) Club.

A source told InTouch (via MSNBC's The Scoop) that Ed has a little too much junk in his trunk, hood, bumper, fender, headlights, etc... It has become a problem, because the costumers aren't equipped to handle the chunk. The source said, “Ed has been gaining a lot of weight — not just around the waist, but throughout his whole body. First, the costume department had to buy him new, bigger pants. Then, his shirts and jackets got way too snug. The costumers even requested that producers talk to Ed — they don’t want Chuck to be fat!”

Why not?! Whenever I see Chuck Bass, I always think to myself that he would look so much hotter with a giant cream puff or sausage stuffed into his mouth. Come to think of it, everyone on Gossip Girl would look a whole lot more attractive with pastries and shit in their mouths. They should make everyone gain weight! Ratings would sky rocket! I mean, we can already see skinny annoying twinks making out on any other network, but where can see see two honey-baked hams go at it? And don't say Claim Jumpers on a Friday night.

Ed Westwick is sick of hobags saying he likes to play "Pin the Peen on the No-No" with his Gossip Girl gal pal Chace Crawford all day and all night. Ed doesn't like to lick the nutsack sweat off of Chace's taint. No. Ed loves vagina! If there was an all-you-can-eat pussy buffet, he would be there 24-hours a day. In fact, he loves the chocha so much that he kissed a girl in public! That must mean he's a slave to the snatch. Right?

Ed whined to Rolling Stone (via SS) about this fuckery, "It’s funny because I love this fucking dude dearly. I would die for this fucking dude. He's my brother. But, by God, we are so into our fucking women it's ridiculous. I made out with a girl in public. Maybe I need to have sex in public with a woman. That one's still on the list. Still haven't ticked that one off. Well, I have, but they haven't seen me. Not George Michael public."

Okay, he had me falling for his foolery until the George Michael part. That's not a bitch you bring up when you're trying to convince the world that you like the clit.

But then I looked at these pictures of Ed with his girlfriend (for pay) Jessica Szohr in Miami and maybe the dude is truth-telling. First of all, I don't know any homoanything who would take off their shirt in public when they have juicy puss-filled pimples on their chest. Second of all, that Heartbreak Hotel tattoo screams straight douchebag. Wait, unless he got it in honor of Whitney Houston and then....

That being said, I'd hit that shit and squeeze those chest pimples with my ass lips. And I bet his body jiggles when he wriggles. Hot.

That is the face of a bitch who really loves a piece of meat in his mouth. I own a mirror, so I know that face all too well. Chuck Bass is jizzing in his eyeballs. You should have seen what this bitch did when the waiter brought out of his order of kielbasa and sticky buns followed by a tossed salad to cleanse his palette. The waiters are still cleaning the ass cream from his seat.

Here's Chuck Bass giving head to some meat with two dude friends at a restaurant in West Hollywood yesterday.

If you're ever invited to Chace Crawford and Ed Westwick's Chelsea nest, make sure your fingers are working so you can plug your nose, because apparently that place reeeeeeks. Gossip Girl's leading whores never clean that shit claims a source who spilled the jizz to Gatecrasher. They said, “It stinks! Those boys are slovenly and have garbage and clothes everywhere. You’d think they were living in a frat house!”

I bet it smells like ass jelly, Wet pineapple lube, Paul Mitchelle's entire haircare line and MAC's liquid camouflage in there. But seriously, how can they clean when Chace is too busy carefully brushing Ed's luxurious gooch hair? Priorities, people! There's a reason for them.

And I think these two need a maid. A maid that really won't clean, will eat all their food, will lay down most of the day and watch them makeout. I volunteer for the job. I'll work for air kisses and Bagel Bites.