Zac Efron

At a birthday party in NYC the other night, Precious herself, Gabby Sidibe, cuddled up to the most glamorous being on every planet in the universe, Joan Collins. Since Joan is a professor of glamour, the tips of her wig and her sparkly diamonds probably broke into a sweat when she saw Gabby's puffy vest (with FAKE FUR!). But Joan kept her comments to herself and instead they talked about diamonds, gold, champagne, caviar, corporate takeovers, Persian kittens, bubble baths and how Joan was in talks for the Mo'Nique role in Precious. Hopefully, they also discussed the possibility of working together in a remake of Big Business. That is exactly what the world needs right.

Here's more pictures of Precious and Alexis along with something called a Nikki Haskell who tried to turn that party for two into a threesome.

I also threw in some pictures of Gabby at the Me & Orson Welles premiere with purdy purdy Zac Efron. Fun fact: Whenever Zac Efron says the word, "precious," a peen learns how to pucker.

How does purdy Zac Efron always keep his locks looking like he just finished up a 5-hour hair-pulling gang bang? You'll be surprised to hear that it doesn't involve mangel or blow jobs from a hair dryer.

When asked about the secret to his luscious locks, Zac puckered up both lips and then said, "I've never told anyone this before. This is a hair scoop. Shower before you go to bed, and then sleep on your wet hair. Towel-dry it. In the morning, it's all messed up naturally. If you have that messed-up thing going when you wake up, it's more willing to stay that way. That's Zac's hair tip."

Zac's pillow must look like Xtina's used toilet paper - all wet and covered with bronzer.

I will still try out Zac's hair tip even though my abuelita always warned me that sleeping with a wet mop is one of the quickest ways to welcoming pneumonia into your life. If that's how this story ends, Zac will be receiving my bills from La Clinica Mobile.

Here's Zac and his pillow hair leaving a London studio today.

No, Ed Westwick doesn't want Zac Efron's body like that. Ed just wants to chop his and Zac's heads off and switch bodies. Basically. Life & Style says that 22-year-old Ed is sick and tired of having the body of a puff pastry-wrapped trout, so he wants to get muscles like purdy Cover Girl Zac Efron.

A source said, “After seeing new pics of Zac in magazines, Ed’s determined to get cut like him. Ed has no muscles or definition and really wants to improve his body.”

Aw. I'm guessing Ed sashayed into Chace Crawford's trailer one hot afternoon and caught him dry screwing one of Zac Efron's shirtless pictures. So now Ed wants to be the Zac Efron of Chace Crawford's wet dreams! Don't change for a twink, Ed! There's a zillion hos out there who will get the tingles while watching your body jiggle like a Jello Jiggler during fucky times (all fingers point to ME).

(Image sources: Fame & Splash)

Titty time! So there's a few pictures going around that is supposedly Vanessa Hudgens with her Disney balloons out again. Yes, Vanessa Hudgens does this sort of thing, but how else is she supposed to pass her time while Zac Efron spends hours in the bathroom partaking in a little bronzer bukkake? I mean, she has a camera phone and she has tittays, so why not! Although, I do feel like I've seen more of her nipples than Zac Efron has. Actually, I probably have. Technically.

If Zac sees these new pictures of Vanessa's Mickey Mouse ears, he'll have the giggles for hours.

Anyway, (NSFW) CLICK HERE to see a few pictures of what might be Vanessa Hudgens doing it Disney-style. Git it, bitch! Make Donald Duck's beak puckah!

UPDATE: Image and link removed and replaced with a picture of her sessy ass father.

When Zac Efron flips his precious head, glitter will no longer gently float off of his locks. When Chace Crawford runs his fingers through his hair, the unicorns will no longer faint. That's because they both cut off their twink bangs! As did Jared Leto! Because of this, Gatecrasher thinks it's the end of an era. Ellen Degeneres, the scissors are in your court.

Pfft. Honestly, this ain't gonna last. When Zac Efron opens his eyes in the morning and doesn't see his luscious golden power bottom bangs lying on the pillow, his glazed donut hole probably crumbs a little bit in sadness. Mark my words, Zac's bangs will be back!

Oh and Tommy Girl shouldn't go crying in the corner, because man banging is still in. Now and forever. It's a classic.

Has Simon Cowell been drinking from Paula Abdul's sippy cup, because that's the only way to explain why he's planning to remake Saturday Night Fever. It gets worse. Simon wants Zac Efron to play Tony Manero. It gets worserer (yes, I wrote worserer). Simon wants Timbaland to rework the Bee Gees' soundtrack. This news gives you permission to get out of your chair, walk over to your office enemy, slap them and explain, "Simon Cowell is remaking Saturday Night Fever with Zac Efron as Tony." They will understand, because you have to take your anger out on someone.

The Sun says that Simon has been working on the deal for years with producer Robert Stigwood, who owns the rights. During the last few weeks talks have gotten more intense and it looks like they are going to make a deal. And Satan laughs.

If Zac is the star, they are going to completely cover this shit with rainbows and sparklies. No rape scene. No racial tension. No drugs. No fuck words. No nekkidness. No hood rat stuff. And No DONNA PESCOW! This should be illegal. Illegal I tell you.

What's next? Is Simon going to remake Gone with the Wind with Susan Boyle and her cat Pebbles. Actually, that would be kind of hot.

When Kathie Lee Gifford is coming your way, you better hide the booze and run for you life. Zac Efron didn't know this rule when Kathie Lee ambushed him on Today this morning. Kathie Lee strolled up in hair curlers and a cougar face to tease Zac for making fun of her sweet precious Cody on SNL this past weekend. Kathie Lee told Zac that her Cody is way cuter than him and that he needs to stop wearing his mop like that. Kathie Lee also handed Cody's phone number over to Zac and said to call him. Cody's number my asshole! Kathie Lee's after-hours phone number was totally on that piece of paper along with a sketch of her cougar pussy.

Kathie Lee totally reminds me of THAT mother growing up. You know, that mother who drank wine coolers all day, wore Payless high heels with her sweats and talked about how she hopes her cooze can get wet again for she gets vaginal rejuvenation surgery, because it's been feeling so itchy lately. Then she strokes your hair and asks you if you want a butter and sugar sandwich. Seriously, one of my friend's mother was just like that. She later told me that the best way to pretend like you're swallowing after a beej is to spit in a beer bottle, so he thinks you're washing it down. The lessons of life.

Skip to the 5:15 mark to see Mama Kathie trying to get on Zac.

And the bestest part of the video is at the end when Kathie Lee almost breaks Matt's fucked-up shoulder by leaning against it. She doesn't even care!

....this shit from Funny or Die would be 100% unwatchable. It's a group of useless dumb whores trying to bring the laughs.

If you've got a serious case of the boreds, take a crack at this. Actually, if you're bored, go arrange your panties by color, scent and skid (or period juice) mark size, then watch this shit. Wait. No, don't watch it yet. After you finish sorting your genital covers, go to your bathroom mirror and successfully recreate all of Ty Ty Bank's "275 smiles." After that, slowly pluck out every last one of your pubic hairs to make a pair of Passover mittens for your bestest Jewish friend. Wait, but only if your pubic hairs are kosher. FINALLY, when you've conquered all those things, you can watch this video, because that means you're bored-er than bored.

There's no way Zac Efron is going to fuck with the pretty (or his manicure) by pumping gas. Zac is way too fragile and pristine for that business, so he forced his main homegirl Vanessa Hudgens to get her ass out of the car to fill up her own hole. Something tells me she's used to sticking foreign objects into a gassy hole. And Zac just smiles.

Zac should try it sometime. Pumping gas that is. When I lived in L.A., one of my favorite things to do was to stick it in, stand back and just inhale the fumes.... This is explains why I only have half a brain cell that you have to hit to get working.

Specifically, he needs a sponge bath given by me. Don't worry, I'll keep my slimy paws off of him. Besides, I won't need to use my hands. I know how to hold a sponge with my ass lips. It's a trick I learned when I was a Candy Striper.

Anyrollingaroundinanalslime, here are more pictures of the always purdy Zac Efron in Interview Magazine. Zac had to get all dirty with some naked ass model girl in a sandbox. Naked Model Girl even put her nipples on his chest. He probably giggled until his peen hole started whistling.

It's photo shoots like this that bring out the feminist (she smells like patchouli and saw dust) in me. Why in bronzer on the nutsack hell is she naked, but he's fully clothed? Take all them panties off, Zac! Rub those cheeks in the dirt for equality! Get those nalgas looking like Tommy Girl's face after a marathon salad tossing with a bunch of farty Scientologays.