Balthazar Getty

Sadly, the Roger Ebert and Bam Margera bitch fight did not end with one them beating the other in a fart mask duel. It ended with Roger Ebert writing on his website that he regrets that Bam Margera and others took his "friends don't let jackasses drive drunk" Tweet as mean because that's not how he meant it.

In case you were busy swallowing a gold fish before barfing it up in a bowl, shortly after Ryan Dunn killed himself and his friend by crashing into a tree, Roger wrote a Tweet that burned Bam's b-hole. Bam called Roger a "piece of shit" who needs to "shut his fucking mouth." Roger explained himself like this:

To begin with, I offer my sympathy to Ryan Dunn's family and friends, and to those of Zachary Hartwell, who also died in the crash. I mean that sincerely. It is tragic to lose a loved one. I also regret that my tweet about the event was considered cruel. It was not intended as cruel. It was intended as true.

I have no way of knowing if Ryan Dunn was drunk at the time of his death. What I knew before posting my tweet was that not long before his death, he posted a photo on Tumbler showing himself drinking with two friends.

Roger then went on to write about the details of Ryan's last night. Roger then admits that maybe he should've sat on his fingers for a little bit before he wrote a Drunk Driving PST (Public Service Tweet).

I don't know what happened in this case, and I was probably too quick to tweet. That was unseemly. I do know that nobody has any business driving on a public highway at 110 mph, as some estimated -- or fast enough, anyway, to leave a highway and fly through 40 yards of trees before crashing. That is especially true if the driver has had three shots and three beers. Two people were killed. What if the car had crashed into another car?

I think we're all missing something here. I'm talking about how fucking weird it is that Roger Ebert and Bam Margera are slapping at each other on Twitter of all places? The Internet is a hell of a motherfucking drug. I would expect a shopping cart derby between the ghost of Gene Siskel and my old skater boy neighbor who ate his own scabs before I'd expect a stupid ass fight between Roger Ebert and Bam Margera.

Roger was right, Bam was half-right and now that this is finally over the former can go back to shooting out shiny beautiful gems like this:

Sam Sung | June 21, 2011 10:42 AM | Reply

Dear Mr. Ebert,

I would be interest in building condos in your hollow jaw. We can split the profits 50/50. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks! Sam

Ebert: My jaw as it now exists was designed by Frank Gehry, and has landmark status.

Okay, that headline is not entirely true or fair. Yes, cucumbers would love to gently lay on top of Vince Vaughn's swollen stuffed bags and soothe them until they no longer look like miniature versions of Lisa Rinna's anal gland lips, but we can all learn to love them. If you look at them through permanent perverted eyes (aka my eyes) and access the part of your imagination that's run by your genitals, Vince Vaughn's double carry-on eye bags sort of, kind of look like tiny crooked labias! If you look at 'em that way, then you will definitely love them. How can you not love labia eye bags?

If you sat on his peen and stuck your tongue between his under eye pussy bags, it would be like having a simplified bi-sexual threesome! And you don't have to worry about an extra pair of legs kicking you in the head. I bet there's a little cream in between there, so it would be like eating the real thing! Since I put it that way, right?

Here's more of Labia Eyes Vaughn at last night's Chrysalis Butterfly Ball in L.A. with: Ashley Greene, Meadow Soprano, Jennifer Garner, Olivia Wilde, Noxzema Girl, McSteamy, Brad from The Chupa Zoe Project, Sienna Miller's ex-whore with his wife, a midget lesbian in drag as Steve Buscemi and Ryan Phillippe.

Balthazar Getty and the mother of his 4 chirruns, Rosetta Getty, are back together and making their marriage work after he publicly took a wild ride on Sienna Miller's bull dozer vagina back in 2008. In case you didn't read the Book of Balthazar in Sienna's homewrecking bible, Balthazar dropped his wife and kids to to join Sienna's worldwide whore tour for about a year. Sienna made all us shameless skanks proud when she smugly smiled for the paps while grabbing onto Balthazar's claimed crotch with her titties out. It was a crowning achievement for the homewreckers of the world!

There were rumors that Sienna kept trying to snatch off Balthazar's wedding band with her claw crane cooch, but he wasn't interested in getting divorced from Rosetta. Eventually, Sienna went off to another victim and Balthazar was left sitting in the middle of the wreckage with a new itch on his dick lips and loneliness in his heart. So he ran back to his wife who left the door to their house wide open. Balthazar tells Harper's Bazaar (via Page Six):

"Here's the bottom line: It was a very challenging time for everybody involved. But I loved and missed my family too much not to make it work. [Wife] Rosetta is understanding enough and spiritual enough to let us try."

Meaning, Rosetta understands that Getty money is better when you're still married to a Getty and she saw the light several times while fucking on her own side-pieces while Balthazar passed the peen to Sienna. That's exactly why Rosetta is throwing a "Yup, I got mine" look in the picture above.

My slut hero Sienna Miller is the real winner here, because she no longer has to wake up to Balthazar's untamed and malnourished brows every day.

Page Six is saying that Sienna Miller was out buying panties this week at Only Hearts in NYC with her ex-fuck buddy DJ Slinky Wizard. There were reports that Sienna recently left DJ Slinky's ass on the curb, because she couldn't deal with a long-distance relationship. It's true. If Sienna's genitals don't get fed every 24 hours, we all suffer.

But some source seems to think Sienna and DJ Slinky rekindled their romance, because they acted like a couple while shopping at Only Hearts. The source added, "George was talking about how he was excited about their plans for the night."

HOWEVER, Gawker claims Sienna was shopping at Only Hearts, but was with Balthazar Getty instead of DJ Slinky Wizard. Also, Sienna and Balthy were caught getting manicures together earlier this week.

So basically this is looking like Sienna's vag never let go of Balthazar's peen. Sienna was probably just using DJ Slinky Wizard to distract us all from the fact that she's still fucking on Balthazar. That cunning slut.

It's also looking like Balthazar loves polish on his nails and silk on his nalgas.

I understand if you have to excuse yourself from this post so that you can run to the nearest church where you will dip your face in holy water and fill your eye holes with crushed up communion wafers. This picture will have some of you grabbing for the cross. Moving on....

Yesterday, there were a rumor going around that LiLo and Balthazar Getty got it on a club in Hollywood. Blohan has taken that rumor, boiled it up, spread it on a flat surface, chopped it and snorted it up her nose hole! She claims it is all sorts of false. She told Gossip Cop that she only met Balthazar Getty for the first time that night. She also added, “You think I would do that to Sam [Ronson]? I love her.”

Blohan probably doesn't remember what happened 10 seconds ago, let alone what happened this past weekend, so the moment could have already been expelled from her brain. As it should have.

And how is she supposed to keep track of all the people (or things) she makes out with? I think she just sticks her tongue down any open hole from a bathroom drain to Balthazar Getty's mouth (they taste the same).

While some of you slut whores were doing ho shit over the weekend, a brand new type of venereal disease was birthed in Hollywood when Balthazar Getty and Blohan dry fucked each other at a club. Yeah, I think your genitals grew a puss-filled wart just from thinking about it. See you at the free clinic.

People says that Blohan showed up to West Hollywood club Voyeur with the still married Balthazar at her side. Some source said the two snuck in through the club's backdoor (hopefully, the backdoor was covered with a dental dam) and only stayed for 30-minutes. During that time, they were "all over each other" at a table in the front room.

Okay, before you start farting about how Blohan is licking up Sienna Miller's sloppy seconds, think about it for a minute. Sienna Miller is a cock connoisseur, so Blohan figured Balthazar must give good dick. And for her big return to the peen, Blohan wanted to make sure she got on a dick that would make her pork loaf simmer.

And if you see a weepy dick and tortured vagina hitchhiking along the highway, they belong to Balthazar and Blohan. They're trying to get away again. Put on your masks and wave to them from afar.

If you're interviewing the dick bandit known as Sienna Miller for that G.I. Joe shittery, there's only name you need to bring up and that's Balthazar Getty's. Just a whisper of his name from an interviewer will cause her wrecking ball bagina to swing around the room and destroy everything in its path! DO IT!

Adam Richard of Australia's FOX FM's radio interviewed Sienna by phone and immediately brought up Balthazar. Well, before he did that, he called them "scrags" and "bitches." Oh, Adam, let me snuggle up into your kangaroo pouch, so that I can learn a few things.

When Adam teased Sienna about Balthazar, she responded with: "Oh, piss off! You've called us scrags, bitches, knocked-up. We are not here to talk about him. But, yes, I know him and everything's good, thank you. What a scoop! Congratulations! You're really, really clever!"

And with that, Sienna's thieving snatch flew into a rage, ran off and snatched the first married peen it could find! When some hos get mad, they gorge themselves with cake and pies. Sienna gorges her vagina with wedded wang!

SCRAGS BITCHES!

VIA The Sun

Sienna Miller needs to follow Balthazar Getty's finger and get the dick out of here, because bitch has fucked up yet again! Sienna, throw yourself off that pier, ho! It's time for some tough love! I can't stand by and watch Sienna disrespect herself as one of the biggest sluts in all the land by continuing to mess with the same old soggy peen! I mean, just when I thought Sienna had finally released Balthazar's dick from her jaws of life vagina, here she is with him in Positano, Italy.

Sienna and Balthazar spent Father's Day doing gross things on a boat together. Cue Balthazar's wife: "Aw, kids. That was nice of you to make daddy breakfast for Father's Day, but unfortunately he can't eat it, because he's too busy eating his slut whore mistress' snatch in Italy."

Sienna needs to stick her vag in a bowl of ice until its fever for Balthazar goes down, because obviously it's hallucinating. I don't care if Balthazar goes all the way up her GOWL, there's more dick out there that needs to be fucked! This slut is on notice AGAIN.

Sienna Miller has finally released Balthazar Getty's peen from her Jaws of Death vagina and has moved on to new wang. AND this dick doesn't have a wedding ring attached to it!!!! I know, how is that possible really? I didn't think Sienna's vagina allowed entrance unless there was a ring on it.

The Mirror is saying that someone finally turned the hose on Sienna and Balthazar, because they are no longer bumping it. Sienna felt that there was just too much baggage there and she needed to move on. Translation: The big whore woke up, smelled the same stale jizz and realized it was time for some fresh dick.

Hoooooray! I was thisclose to writing that mega slut off, because no self-respecting tramp nibbles on the same peen for that long. Bitch's vagina was probably starting to get the zzzzzs during fucky times with Balthazar. Well, homewhore has a new piece.

Sources say the new piece is Josh Hartnett. Remember when Josh's tummy got the owies, because he had some bad water or bad coke or something? Well, Sienna Miller was right by his side "nursing" him to health. Sienna is like the Florence Nightingale of whores! A source said, “Josh and Sienna have a unique bond. They understand each other and I wouldn’t be surprised if a relationship blossomed.”

Relationship blossomed? The only thing that's going to blossom is tiny red warts on his peen. But by the time he notices his new friends, the biggest skankwhore the world has ever seen will be on to the next dick! YAY! Sienna the great big whore is back! Hide your husbands in the basement! It's fun times again!

The white zone is for immediate unloading and loading only, it's not for slut canoodling! Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty to need unload nuts on each other or drive the fuck off! Of course, the nobody is bothering their asses!

The last time I picked a bitch up from the airport, I had to wait a quick minute for them to run out to the car from baggage claim. It was like 2 seconds. But of course, some traffic officer had to give me lip about it! Bitch even told me to get out of the car. HELL NO. Ho could've had a taser! I'm not going to knowingly walk into a situation that will most likely involve me getting fucking zapped. That's what would've happened to. He would've said some shit, I would've rolled my eyes and ZAP! Just like I'd have mini pork rinds for ass lips. If only Sienna and Balthazar got their asses tasered. The world is not fair.

And I'm trying to stick by my fellow whore with no morals, but she is making it hard by continuing to suck on that bag of dicks! I mean, can Balthazar's peen deep clean her teeth while she's sucking on it? If it can't, then the dick is not worth it. It's a sad day when a big whore gets dickmatized. Do the dick, don't let the dick do you. Stupid bitch!