Anderson Cooper

Ask my genitals (and the restraining order out against me) and they will tell you that this was definitely the year of THE SILVER FOX! I mean, look at that precious blue background. Wouldn't it look even more precious with Anderson Fox's silver field glittering in front of it? Sigh. People better include a "Sexiest Fox Alive" supplement in this shit. Anymynonowillbesendingthemhatemail....

As you can see Johnny Depp was named People's Sexiest Man Alive (aka Bitch We Want To Bone Badly). Johnny joins Billy Goat Brad Pitt and George Clooney as the only pieces who have been named SMA twice. And once again, Mah Boo shuffles off empty-handed. FOR SHAME!

The rest of the list includes some of the usual suspects (i.e. Ryan Reynolds, Jakey G, Robert Downey Jr., Posh Beckham's purse holder) as well as some new hos (i.e. The Glee Guys, Gilles Marini, Squinty's favorite shopping partner, Glamberace, John Cho, Nick Cannon, John Legend).

And yes, the Keeper of the Unicorn Forest made the list too. Yesterday, there was a fake People cover going around with RPattz on it. People probably decided not to go with RPattz this year, because they didn't want to be responsible for the millions of Twitward vaginas that would explode out of excitement.

Before Ben Maisani was flexing his triple-wide muscles all over India with The Silver Fox, he might have been touching lips with Mr. Schu from Glee (aka Matthew Morrison). Over at ONTD, they posted this picture (taken pre-Mah Boo time) of Ben hugging on a sexy piece. They seem to think it's Mr. Schu himself. But let's bring in the CSI: Dlisted team to analyze:

Hmm... Well, the space between the eyebrows and hairline seem off. Matthew has a mole, but the dude on the left doesn't. Also, the earlobes aren't exactly twins. I don't think it's him. Oh, and one more thing: SOMEBODY PLEASE GET ME A FUCKING LIFE! STAT!

Mah Boo doesn't have anything to worry about. I'm sure he can out-dance, out-sing and out-Glee Mr. Schu any day of the week.

(Image Source: Twerking)

I was wondering why my no-no stopped puckering whenever I stood outside of the CNN studios for hours on end in the night time hours. I figured my asshole's GPS tracking system needed maintenance, but it doesn't! It wasn't getting the tingles, because Mah Boo Anderson Cooper is thousands of miles away in India with a man friend! Yes, the same man friend that will give you (aka me) a black eye just from flinching.

Page Six reports that Mah Boo was spotted in Jaipur with Benjamin Maisani, one of the owners of the gay bar Eastern Bloc in the East Village. Mah Boo is staying at the Rambagh Palace and some source said, "Anderson's room has a large round bathtub. On the first night it was filled with bubbles and sprinkled with red rose petals."

Oh, Mah Boo's fancy bath doesn't mean anything! That's how he always takes his baths. He likes the way the petals gently tickle his nipples while the bubbles waltz around his Anthyllis.

I know I should probably grab my kayak and head for India, but if you love something, you must set it free.....and then watch it from the bushes while crying in an empty cake box. And yes, if you need me, I'll be in the padded room on the right.

On Mah Boo 369me last night, Anderson Cooper and his homegirls discussed the barf felt around the world. Since Mah Boo has the intellect of Einstein and the instinct of Det. La Toya, he knows that the Heenes are obviously trying to wrap their UFO-loving paws around a reality show deal. Mah Boo even says that if they aren't trying to become the next reality show darlings, he will "marry Michael K in a wedding officiated by Chicken Cutlets with the Empress of Lucite as our witness and a reception catered by Spaghetti Cat." You heard him say that! HE DID!

So those Heenes need to get in front of GOD, ALLAH, BUDDHA, CHEESUS and JOAN COLLINS and swear those rumors about them whoring themselves out for a reality show are untrue. Then they all need to hide in the attic until Phoebe Price declares me as the new Mr. Mah Boo.

You might have already seen the picture of Anderson Cooper caught in the act of busting his biceps at the gym. The picture (which has been permanently pasted to my no-no for the past few days) was all the talk on Mah Boo 369me last night. Just like he always does, Mah Boo got all giggly and shy-like when Erica brought them out. I'm guessing Mah Boo is probably thankful that the pap didn't catch what was going on down below. That's a "TOO MUCH TEETH" face if I ever saw one. The bitch responsible for doing that to Mah Boo should be shot.

And Mah Boo's new rule should be, "ALWAYS work out in front of a window." Specifically, my window. Specifically specifically, my bedroom window. Even in winter. I'll give him a parka and some hot cocoa....with marshmallows.

On Mah Boo 369me last night, Dr. Sanjay Gupta talked about how he caught the oink ills when he was off in Afghanistan. Dr. Gupta also thinks that Mah Boo might have a little case of swine flu too, because he was there and he also has the symptoms.

THE PIGS HAVE GONE TOO FAR! I'm going to shank Miss Piggy up and wrap her in a tortilla if anything happens to Mah Boo. When Mah Boo coughs, my a-hole twitches. When Mah Boo sneezes, my nipples go numb. He should really get that checked out. And by "checked out," I mean he should skip on over to the free clinic trailer and ask for Dr. Slut (yours truly). Then I'm going to need his peen to cough into my face before I can make an official orgasm diagnosis. It's the only way to know for sure.

But seriously, he doesn't have the oinks. Mah Boo is invincible! He probably just tossed some bad salad the night before.

There's really no better way to start the day then a little Mah Boo Anderson Cooper sitting on the edge of my coffee cup saving "hello" at me. Or maybe he's waving me away. Who cares about technicalities! I just want to plop him into my coffee, because he's the sweetest sugar cube in the sugar factory. And that was the gayest sentence in the gay factory.

Here's a bleary-eyed (but still oh-so-sessy) Mah Boo catching a cab in NYC yesterday heading to the flower store to buy me a huge bouquet, hundreds of silver balloons and a teddy gram. Okay, he was probably buying it for NeNe or for his current salad chef, but again...TECHNICALITIES!

Mah Boo took a little break from writing me lengthy love letters with his silver peen (LET ME DREAM) to call into Watch What Happens Live last night to talk to The Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kim Zolciak.

We all know that Mah Boo percolates for NeNe and she has nothing to worry about. I don't think Mah Boo will be hand feeding Kim's wig Bon Bons anytime soon. Speaking of the polyester shrub on Kim's head, Mah Boo actually said he had no idea she wore a wig until she admitted it on the reunion show. Fuck me on a tightrope, because Mah Boo is telling lies! You know he's been to a drag show or fifty, so I'm sure his wigdar is working just fine.

Mah Boo also asked Kim how she makes money and her answer was something like: "Well, I have a nursing degree and I waitressed full-time....five years ago. Big Poppa supports me now." Bitch, stop the foolery and just say it loud and proud: "I'M A WHORE!!!" It's totally what she writes down on her tax returns under occupation, so she should just be real about it. There's nothing wrong with sucking wang for wigs!

I leave you with the walking Museum of Wigs at JFK the other day.

It's no secret that Mah Boo Anderson Cooper gets giddy like Tommy Girl at a gloryhole over NeNe Leakes and the feeling is mutual. Last night on The Silver Fox 69me, Erica Hill showed Mah Boo a couple of NeNe's interviews where she expressed her love for her sessiest fangay.

Now, NeNe is my hag in my head, so I will refrain from shouting "BITCH DON'T" at her for calling Andy her boo. The truth is, I think NeNe is Andy's boo too, because look at how he's getting all blushy in the face. Aw. I bet his precious nalgas got a little pink too. When Andy gets the gayggles, my nipples swooooooon.

The Silver Fox filled in for Reeeeeeeg on Regis & Kelly yesterday morning and got to interview that limp asparagus tip and her fuck body of the moment from The Bachelorette. On Mah Boo 360 last night, Coopy talked about how he asked the only question any of us care about: How many dudes did she get her sex on with? The limp asparagus tip said she kissed 10, but only 4 with tongue. Ehehehehehe. This made Mah Boo almost vom in his purdy mouth. Adorable!

But don't slap me with a flaccid peen like that, Andy! You know very well that on any given week, you kiss on at least 10 lips WITH tongue! And that doesn't include the lips on faces either. OW! But really, my nipples go weak whenever Mah Boo plays hard to git!