Free Clinic Shit

In her younger days, Kelly Osbourne was a drunk druggie slut who passed her bare vagina around like she was Sienna Miller at a Married Men's Convention. Kelly says those days are over, but she's still worried about possibly catching STDs.

She tells the Daily Mail: "Alcohol and drugs impair your judgment. I know it's because I was drunk that I had unprotected sex. I'm not the kind of person who talks about my sex life, but I'm not afraid to talk about contraception. I go three, maybe four times a year to get tested (for sexually transmitted infections) and most of the time I don't even need to. I just go for peace of mind."

Correction: She won't talk about her sex life unless there's a reporter in front of her who will publish it in some kind of major paper.

It's a good thing she gets tested several times a year. I mean, she did use to hang out with Parasite Hilton. I need to head down to the free clinic every time I stare too long at a picture of Wonky McValtrex.

And I'm sure most of those celebrity whores are forced to get checked several times a year. Shit. Wonky McValtrex probably has a lab in her own house. It's a requirement if she wants to stay off the CDC's "Most Wanted" list.

Aubrey O'Day's dog Ginger must have been one evil bitch in a past life to get stuck with this raggedy tramp. Animal cruelty never looked so skanky. Poor Ginger. I can see the diseases gleefully jumping from Aubrey's ass thermometer to Ginger's little tongue. If Aubrey wanted to make out with Ginger, she could have at least put a dental dam over her mouth and spared the animal from her germs.

Here's more of Aubrey in a towel doing illegal and intimate things with her dog at a Sheiki Jeans in San Diego, CA. In the last thumbnail, it looks like Ginger is trying to hide the tears.

The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" was created for Pamela Anderson. Old girl needs to soak in a hot bath of Oxiclean, Pine-Sol, paint remover and Lime-A-Way. I know experts tell you not to mix chemicals, but Pamela's case is an emergency! After her bath, Mr. Sandman needs to drop a fucking sandbox on her head so she can take a 2-month nap!

I see what Pamela is trying to do, though. She's trying to recreate Shauna Sand's elegant beauty on her own haggard face. I mean, she's not even wearing exquisite lucite heels. EPIC FAIL!

Here's more of Pamela looking like a day-shift stripper on the bad shit while promoting her reality show in Australia.

Daisy De La Hoya, the muppet stripper from Rock of Love 3, has already effed her way through Bret Michaels, Dave Navarro and probably C.C. DeVille. It should be no surprise that she's reportedly bumping genital warts with Tommy Lee. She'll fuck any foolio in a band and he'll fuck anyone with a pulse, so this works out just swell.

Daisy's spokesbitch told E! that they are "just friends." Daisy needs to stop lowering her voice and pretending to be her own publicist. We know that raggedy tampon doesn't have a spokeswhore! And we know what "just friends" means to her. That just means she hasn't let him do it in her no-no hole yet.

Daisy also flashes her skanks bags in Tommy Lee's Titty Cam video which plays before every Mötley Crüe's show. Aww....they work together. It must be true love. Honestly, these two poster skanks for the CDC make sense to me.

And I think you caught the clap from reading this post. You better head down to the free clinic and get that shit checked out.