Camille Grammer

Camille Donatacci Grammer, the Club MTV dancer who became one of my gold digging heroes when she married Kelsey Grammer 13 years ago, has filed for divorce today. TMZ reports that the irritable bowel syndrome spokeswoman (she really is) wants primary custody of their two kids as well as child and spousal support. Camille blamed the overused "irreconcilable differences" as the reason why she's shitting out their marriage. Hey, at least she's shitting out something.

This is actually kind of surprising. Camille escorted Kelsey to the Tony Awards a couple of weeks ago (above) and I've never heard any rumors of their marriage being in the toilet. Camille always struck me as a gold digger who is in it for the long haul. You know, the classy kind of gold digger who would rather bring her wheelbarrow to the reading of a will instead of divorce court.

Oh well. If there's a prenup, hopefully Camille melted it down and injected it into her lips so that she can collect as much gold as possible. Nobody wants to live in a world where Camille Grammer isn't always covered in fresh diamonds. The sun will refuse to shine.

And Camille is one of The Real Plastic Housewives of Beverly Hills, so I'm sure we'll see all of this mess go down in front of the cameras.

The news about Anna Nicole Smith's estate not getting one penny from J. Howard Marshall's estate got me down, but this shit right here perked me back up like an afternoon prostate exam!

E! News is saying that Kelsey Grammer's stunning trophy wife and Irritable Bowel Syndrome advocate Camille Grammer is one of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills! Yes, I know you were hoping that the next Real Housewives shit show would take place in Appalachia, but this is still good news. Hug your bowels!

Camille has long been one of my gold digging idols, so I will be taking notes each week to learn how it's really done. Unfortunately, it isn't a one-angel show and Camille will have company. But don't worry, they don't even come close to dimming Camille's shine. HAGS! The lot of them!

They are from left to right:

Kyle Richards - Kyle is Paris Hilton's aunt and Kathy Hilton's mother. She's married with chirruns. Kyle is also Hedy to Demi Moore's Allie. She is awful.

Kim Richards - Kim is Kyle and Kathy's sister. She's divorced with chirruns. She is awful.

Adrienne Maloof-Nassif - This plastic surgery wonder who looks like a constipated grasshopper is a member of the Maloof family who owns the Palms in Las Vegas. Adrienne is married to a plastic surgeon who appears on Dr. 90210 from time to time. She is awful.

Lisa Vanderpump-Todd - Lisa owns a few restaurants in L.A. with her husband. She has two kids. She is awful.

Seriously, Bravo did good by casting Camille, but where's The Empress of Lucite or Angelyne?! You know, the real stars of L.A.!

So ever since Nicole Richie had a baby, she's become all womanly and shit. I mean, she actually has chichis! She's no longer Wonky McValtrex's eye-rolling sidekick. She probably gets her period and everything! I miss chunky Nicole who had a gutter mouth and flashed her tittays on the catwalk. Now that she's an adult, she's kind of boring. She's so boring that she's turning beige!

However, she looks a million times hotter without that dirty tampon boyfriend hanging on her arm.

Here's a few more of Sad Clown Baby's mommy at the Carousel of Hope Ball last night. Yes, there were actually people there under the age of 95 (see below). I also threw in some pictures of other whores who were there including the shining gold bar known as Camille Grammer aka my favorite modern day gold digger. They don't make gold diggers like her anymore. She's a gold digger that takes her job and position seriously! In the Grammer camp, she probably makes Employee of the Month every month! And she makes sure she's always looking like a shiny trophy! Her attention to detail is amazing. She made sure that her wonk eye matched her wonk titties perfectly. I love her.

My one true idol, Camille Grammar, and her sugar bear, Kelsey, showed up at the US Open to watch a bunch of neon balls being hit around. I think that's what they do at the US Open. In my mind, this is the most strenuous thing Camille has done all fucking month. Believe it or not, but being a trophy wife is not all roses and blowjobs. In between your duties of shopping, bitching about the help and sucking limp dick, you have to attend boring events with your meal ticket. I feel for Camille. She would rather be at home, laying on her mink comforter and ordering everything from HSN while downing custom made Bagel-fuls. Sorry, I'm all about Bagel-fuls this morning.

While Camille was in the ladies room, adjusting her diamonds, Kelsey sat next to the queen of all queens Aretha Franklin. He also couldn't stop staring at her magnificent chichis. They are pretty magnificent. I think Kelsey is trying to figure out if her chichis are coming or going. Aretha should have competed in the US Open. Aretha just has to get on the tennis court, show off her magnificent chichis and those tennis balls would automatically sprint in the opposite direction.