Skeletor

Last night in NYC, JLo had herself another 40th birthday party. Only this was supposedly a "surprise" party Skeletor put together. Nalgas, please! Where the hell did JLo think she was going when she put on that Cleopatra dress she snatched from a drag queen and that braided hair bowl that belongs in a Cinnabon counter? You know she planned that whole thing from top to bottom. I mean, only JLo's mess ass would come up with the name "An Evening For Lola." That is a wreck. And if JLo thinks we're going to start calling her ass "Lola," then she needs more people. Preferably people with prescription pads and straitjackets.

JLo tried to act all shocked when the car pulled up in front of the theater, but come on.... Bitch couldn't even pull of a natural "surprised" look when an anaconda was trying to bite her ass! She should've studied the look on her twins faces whenever she makes a monthly visit to their nursery. Now that's a real surprised look. I need to stop. It's JLo's birthday. So Happy Birthday, Jlo...A-FUCKING-GAIN (this is going to be a daily thing, right?)

Here's some more pictures from last night of the every day birthday girl, Skeletor and her guests including Leah Remini (ugh), Lizaaaaaa and Ricky Martin.

Skeletor took the night off from hunting virgins for their blood to take JLo to her big 40th birthday party in NYC. It might have been JLo's night, but Skeletor is the one who really got lucky. Bitch got to touch one of her tetas! You know this is the farthest he's gotten with JLo since he stuck his brittle wang bone in her real quick to make the Dragon Tales twins.

Normally, JLo would fart on him for pulling this kind of move in public, but she didn't know what was going on. First of all, because of the 10 tons of make-up on her eyes, she couldn't see too good. Second of all, she really didn't have much feeling in her chichis, because her tight ass girdle cut off all circulation to them.

Happy Belated Birthday to JLo! And Happy Titty Touching Day to Skeletor!

Christian Bale is really fucking serious. When dude plays a crackhead, he goes all the way. He crawls into the mind of Amy Wino and doesn't let go until the last "cut" is screamed. This is Christian on the set of The Fighter in L.A. yesterday. Dude plays a boxer turned crackie. Judging by those clothes, it looks more like he's playing Screech in a dark and dramatic sequel to Saved By The Bell.

That apple is probably the only thing he's nibbled on in days. Seriously, food and him are fucking done professionally...and personally. My stomach is weeping at the thought of how he lost all that weight. He probably just hung around Lindsay HoHan for an hour or two. Learn from the best!

And I'm guessing this is what you would call "meth hair."

Yesterday, JLo finished the Malibu Triathlon in 2 hours, 23 minutes, then got on a plane, hooked up Skeletor to an IV and headed for NYC. JLo threw her husband a 40th birthday party at the Bowery Hotel. Yes, 40. Four. Zero. I mean, they say 40 and we say 340. Mutant vampires zombies live a long time.

Guests included that hag Leah Remini, Dita Von Teese, Kimora, Dijmon Honsou, Brooke Shields, Allegra and Donatella Versace. Donatella and Skeletor feed from the same blood bank, so they're really close friends.

Heidi Klum was reportedly invited to the party, but refused to show up after JLo pulled out from judging "Project Runway." As you know, JLo's rep said she injured her fugly foot and wanted to stay off of it so that she could compete in the triathlon.

A source told MSNBC's The Scoop that JLo is lie-telling about the foot shit. They said that JLo was in talks to star in a film for The Weinstein Company, who also produce PR. When JLo found out she didn't get the role, she got upset and pulled out as a judge. Who cares why she pulled out! We should be grateful that we have been spared! I'd take Tim Gunn over JLo any day. Fuck, I'd take a caca sandwich over JLo.

Here's some pictures from Skeletor's birthday party last night. And just for shits, I've also added some pictures of JLo getting hit by a wave during the triathlon. Her trainer had to pull her drowning ass out of the water. HAHAHAHAHA!