Megan Fox

Have the straight dudes of America turned on whore hero, philosopher and tongue aficionado Megan Fox? The NYDN says that they might have, because they have declared August 4th as "A Day Without Megan Fox." On that day, a handful of dude-focused websites (including Asylum, Double Viking and AskMen) will not post anything Megan Fox related. They say that Megan Fox mania has forced them to put her in the corner for a 24-hour time out.

The editor of AskMen said, "You can have too much of a good thing. We're joining in the media blackout and giving our readers a one-day reprieve from the woman we've been drowning in all summer."

What oh what are they going to do when the Megan Fox fuck tape hits the internet on August 4th? They will have to gnaw off each other's fingers to not write about it. Brains and nutsacks will explode. You know it's going to happen. The internet gods are a bunch of cunts!

And I don't think I can partake in this. I mean, if I don't look at a picture Megan Fox licking on an imaginary dick at least once a day, I'm afraid I won't wake up the next morning. Or I'm afraid I will wake up without a tongue.

Life & Style (au revoir to those who left after reading that) claims that when asked by a woman what she thinks of Megan Fox, St. Angie Jo said:

"Is she aiding in Africa or sitting in on U.N. conferences? Donating herself to something bigger than Hollywood? I'm not familiar with her work, is she an Oscar contender?"

It's hard to believe she said that, because I think St. Angie would really pull a "Mimi when asked about JLo" and say, "I don't know her."

If St. Angie really did say that, I just have a few questions..... Has Angie ever been named FHM's #1 Sexiest Woman in the World? Has she ever held the peen of a regular former cast member from the original Beverly Hills 90210? Has she ever been on the cover of Pawprint Magazine? Has she ever shared the screen with the legendary Ted McGinley? Has she ever made the Olsens look like a couple of Meryl Streeps with her god awful acting skills?

Yeah, I thought NOT. Think before you speak, Jolie!

(Source: Jezebel VIA Celebitchy Images: Wireimage)

Professor Whore Face was asked if she watches her own movies and this is what she said:

"I usually don't watch myself. I don't watch playback. I don't look at still photos. I have a phobia of it. But, I forced myself to sit down for Transformers 2. I shot an entire glass of champagne, so that I could get through it."

Only one measly glass? The average person has to down Kiefer Sutherland's entire liquor cabinet just to get through a Megan Fox "performance." I've learned that it's best if you're completely unconscious.

I bet that if you polled all the world's alcoholics, you'll find that over 90% of them turned to the bottle after watching Megan in the first Transformers.

Source: The Sun

The director of Trannyformers, Michael Bay, made Megan Fox audition at his house. This makes sense since his bed is probably more comfortable than a pull-out sofa in his office, but Michael didn't make Megan audition on a mattress. Instead, he made her wash his Ferrari while he filmed her. The Guardian (via Page Six) says that the video is floating around somewhere. Megan doesn't know where it is and when Michael was asked about it, he said, "Er, I don't know where it is either."

If you ever run into Michael Bay, ask to see his "Ferrari." I'll bet you the lips off my ass that he'll pull out his veiny, sun-spotty dick. If he doesn't, then that means she really washed his car! If that's the case, I'll call Megan's ass and say, "Hi, Megan Fox. This is Steven Spielberg. I'd like to cast you in the sequel to Schindler's List. If you want the role, please come and clean my apartment from top to bottom." You know she'll do it.

Here's Megan and her slutty mime make-up with Cate Blanchett at the Armani Prive show in Paris today.

Megan Fox's internal filter is clogged up with jizz (and other man-made particles), so she tends to say exactly what she's thinking all the time! Example time! Megan said this a little while ago about Transformers, "I can't shit on this movie because it did give me a career and open all these doors for me. But I don't want to blow smoke up people's ass. People are well aware that this is not a movie about acting."

Um. Thank you, Professor Whory McObvious! We didn't already know that. I mean, if you see the words "MEGAN FOX" on a movie poster, then you know you're not going to witness the second coming of Laurence Olivier. Only Megan Fox could make a CGI robot look like they've trained most of their life at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts.

The director of Transformers has slapped Megan right back for her comment. Michael Bay told The Wall Street Journal (via UsWeekly), "Well, that's Megan Fox for you! She says some very ridiculous things because she's 23 years old and she still has a lot of growing to do. You roll your eyes when you see statements like that and think, 'Okay Megan, you can do whatever you want. I got it. Nick Cage wasn't a big actor when I cast him, nor was Ben Affleck. before I put him in Armageddon. Shia LaBeouf wasn't a big movie star before he did Transformers -- and then he exploded. Not to mention Will Smith and Martin Lawrence, from Bad Boys. Nobody in the world knew about Megan Fox until I found her and put her in Transformers. I like to think that I've had some luck in building actors' careers with my films."

I think it's safe to say that we can also file the above quote in the "Ridiculous Things" category. Bay, please! Is he actually taking credit for turning Nicolas Cage into a big star?! Does Michael Bay's memory leave out everything that was made before 1996? Two words: VALLEY GIRL. Deborah Foreman should get the "thank you" fruit basket from Nic Cage. Not Michael Bay.

Remember the little cherub boy who was shut down by Megan Fox after he tried to give her a precious yellow rose? Well, he didn't jump off a bridge after realizing there's no reason to live anymore if Megan Fox can't even glance his way. No, he's alive and well (the well part is up for discussion). And he's been found! Maybe. Possibly. Hopefully.

A few days ago, Kodak offered a $5,000 reward to any bitch who could accurately identify the adorable butterball! Throw a little coin in and bitches will do whatever it takes! The price of the good shit is going up.

Gawker got a tip from a reader who claims to be a Facebook friend of the 11-year-old British boy who goes by the name Harvii. YES. HARVII! Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Harvii obviously needs a reality show with Harvey Price. Flowers From Harvii & HARVEY is ratings gold! They can travel the world handing out flowers to skanky celebrities. Vh1, get on this!

Below are a couple of screen shots from Harvii's Facebook page. You can judge for yourself if this is the boy. I know his profile says he was born in 1983, but if you're under the age of 13, you have to lie your age to get on Facebook. Oooooh. I don't know if Megan Fox likes LIARS!

And ignore the seventh thumbnail of him posing with a geisha pig creature thing. I won't hold that against him.

Also, if you're a straight man, you can stop trying to gain an extra 50lbs. You can also return that dyke mullet wig you bought at the costume shop. The search might be over.

Last week in London, Megan Fox broke the spirit, killed the heart and crushed the dreams of a young boy who only wanted to give her a yellow rose (for friendship). It was the moment that the boy, who time traveled all the way from the 80s to be there, realized that the world is a cruel place.

In an interview with Collider.com, Megan claims she has no idea that was going on next to her, because her prolific brain was too busy creating the next great thought that would boggle the world. Megan said that if she finds out the boy's name, she will send him a person apology. I'm afraid it's too late. The boy is probably halfway to Hawaii where he's planning to throw himself in Mauna Loa.

The best Megan do is send him a personal apology?! Pfft. What the hell kind of St. Angie wannabe is she?! St. Angie would never just send a stupid apology. She would adopt his ass. A clip of Megan's apology is below. Doesn't the mug of tea make her look extra smart and serious? She thinks so.

In London last night, a young boy with pleading eyes tried to bestow a beautiful yellow rose upon Megan Fox, but she rejected him! That boy probably spent his ice cream money on that flower! Or maybe he's an orphan! Yeah, that's it. He threw porridge in the head mistress of the orphanage's face, escaped out the front door, stole a rose and then ran directly to Megan's hotel. He risked everything just to give her a rose and that slut broke his heart! Just like that.

In some of the pictures it even looks like she's acreaming "GOOOOO!!!! MOVE FASTER" to her bodyguards. Like she's trying to get away from the ball of sweetness! All he wanted was for her to take his rose.

Right after Megan murdered any hope he had left in this world, that urchin shuffled into an alley. He stared at the unwanted rose and suddenly felt hatred towards it for not being beautiful enough for Megan. So he ate the rose to rid it from his sight. The thorns cuts his vocal cords and now he's mute! He's a mute thanks to Megan Fox! Megan Fox is a monster!

And yes, my bong co-wrote this post.

Megan Fox is not only one of the most prolific thinkers of our time, but she also knows how to show up to premiere looking like a Downtown Las Vegas stripper on the prowl for a dollar, a dick and a dream! An elegant dress like this could take you from a dinner at a fancy restaurant to getting quick dicked in the back of an '89 Chrysler LeBaron. This dress has it all. Megan Fox made the right choice and by the looks of it, her nippies also approve.

I know this might be giving you flavors of St. Angie's freakum dress from Cannes, but Megan does it better. Megan has the "I will lick yo taint for a Diet Rite" attitude to pull it off with grace and class. And Megan would totally win against St. Angie in a debate on philosophy and stuff like that.

Here's more of Megan with Shia LaDouche at the Berlin premiere of Trannyformers tonight. In some of the pictures, it looks like she's trying to steal Shia's wallet. Once a shady ho, always a shady ho!!

The oldest trick in the whore book! At today's premiere of Trannyformers in Tokyo, Megan Fox pulled the good old "Oh, let me peek at Shia while I accidentally rub my nalgas all over Josh Duhamel's crotch area." Well, played. If only she would've reached a little higher. So close to being a bullseye. This is the Megan Fox that I like. The Megan that takes every available opportunity to get a little more dick in her life. Because when life hands you Duhamel wang, you have to grab it with your ass cheeks.

Here's Megan wearing a prom dress fit for the sluttiest girl in high school at the premiere today along with Mr. Fuggie Fug, Shia LaDouche, Tyrese, Michael Bay, Ramon Rodriguez and Isabel Lucas. Why does Shia have his hands behind his back in almost every picture? Gambled and lost?