Megan Fox

One of my favorite philosophers, Megan Fox, on movie kissing:

“Oh my God! Screen kissing is fucking gross. This one kid I had to kiss had just eaten. And he passed a piece of whatever it was into my mouth. Not on purpose, like it was in his tooth or something. And it was really salty. I almost cried. I was a bitch for the rest of the day.”

Kid?! That perverted bitch! But seriously, why is hogirl acting like her palette isn't used to salty substances. What kind of mega slut grosses out over that? For shame! You know she had to put some salty stuff in her mouth just to get the role!

VIA Showbiz Spy

One of my favorite quotes of all-time comes from the philosopher and professor of whores Cristal Connors. It is: "You are a whore, darlin. We all are. We take the cash, we cash the check, we show 'em what they wanna see." In an interview with GQ (via Showbiz Spy), Megan Fox tried to make this point, but FAILED. Megan just doesn't possess the natural wisdom of Cristal Connors.

Megan said, “When you think about it, we actors are kind of prostitutes. We get paid to feign attraction and love. Other people are paying to watch us kissing someone, touching someone, doing things people in a normal monogamous relationship would never do with anyone who’s not their partner. It’s really kind of gross.

I have this sort of promiscuous image. People assume I’m really overtly sexually aggressive and that I’m this wild child. And I’m not like that at all. I would rather have an image that is wild and promiscuous than to go out of my way to be proper all the time. There are some guys who think I’m going to be this little cupcake who’s going to bat my eyes and be like a receptacle for them. I shut them down immediately.”

Megan is waxing philosophical when she really should be waxing penis instead. Thinking is not for everyone, Megan! You know when you put an extra large load of laundry in the dryer and it can't handle it, so it starts violently shaking during the spin cycle? That's what Megan's brain does when she tries to think too hard. Megan, keep the load light, hon.

Speaking of loads, here's Megan at the MTV Movie Awards yesterday with after-bukkake hair.

Megan Fox also loves to vomit out words during interviews. Megan is really starting to get to me. If she wasn't such a big slut who loves to roll around in the f word all day long, I would completely write her off. Seriously, read the latest eye-rolling quote from Megan:

“It pisses me when people fucking complain that I'm too beautiful to get a part. That's bullshit. You wouldn't be working if you weren't attractive. Hollywood is the most superficial thing you could possibly be a part of. And if I weren't attractive I wouldn't be working at all.”

I also think her no-gag-reflex is another the reason why she works, because we know she's not getting cast in movies because of her acting skills. Megan is the only one who can make CGI robots look like they have the acting skills of Meryl Streep.

Megan also brought out more of her favorite word when talking about why she tries to stay away from the Hollywood life:

“Because if it was – if I wasn't making that decision I wouldn't, I would be fucking, not literally fucking away my career, but I'd be shitting away my career.”

Um. Megan is pretty much shitting away her career by continuing to act in movies. Homegirl better keep that 'gina tight, because it's only a matter of time before she has to start selling that shit to the highest bidder to pay the rent!

And Megan's rant had enough of the fuck word, but needed a little bit of the cunt word. Megan, work on that!

VIA The Sun

I've always liked this Megan Fox trick, because she is a proud card carrying member of The Slut Club. But Megan should probably not do that thing called thinking, because that's how quotes like the one she gave Elle Magazine are born. In the with Elle, Megan kind of dumped on ScarJo for trying to be all smart and shit.

Megan said, “I don’t want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson — who I have nothing against, but I don’t want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I’ve every learned to prove, like, ‘Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.’ I don’t want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I’m not a retard — but I do. And part of it is my own fault. I’m just really confident sexually, and I think that sort of oozes out of my pores. It’s just there. It’s something I don’t have to turn on.”

And then Megan toppled over, because she had a brain aneurysm from trying to process so many thoughts at once.

Seriously, learning SAT words? Megan, kitten, don't hurt yourself now. If you try to think anymore, your purdy little head might combust and then there will be cobwebs everywhere. You don't want that. We know you're the Albert Einstein of whores, so just take it easy.

One more thing, I know you think that green smegma oozing out of your pores is "sexual confidence," but it's actually dumbassness. That's also what happens when you think. Don't do that!

VIA SS

Here I was thinking that Megan Fox's vagina was going to chomp its way through all the peens of Hollywood. I was wrong, because it looks like she's back to riding Hi-Ho David Silver, but who knows? Maybe they were caught on their way to ex sex. Dickmatization does that to a slut.

When you break up with good dick, at first you get all empowered by telling yourself you don't need to bust nuts in order to be happy. Then before you know it, you're laying in bed and all you can think about is that good dick. It doesn't matter the dick is attached to a major bag of caca. No. You don't even think of that. You just think of that peen opening its lips and softly telling you how much it loves you. That shit make you call the dick owner and tell him how much you miss him, blah.. blah.. blah... When really you just want to hit that dick again.

That's probably what happened to Megan. Or maybe this was just one of those publicity stunt things fameswhores can't stop themselves from doing. Yeah, after all that, let's go with the latter.

Color me fucking surprised, Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox's fartytale engagement has come to end. You know, the color "surprised" can be achieved by getting a dick slapping from Brian. So, color me! Color my face! Color it!

Anyway, UsWeekly says that David Silver is now single after 4 years. Some source type said,"The relationship had run its course. It's completely amicable, and they are remaining friends."

Every whore with half a brain cell knew this shit would happen sooner or sooner. There's too many rumors about David being a major assholian. And I pretty much knew their fate when Megan said at the Golden Globes that David didn't want to be her date. It was only a matter of seconds before she woke up from her dickmatized coma.

Besides, the only reason the gods brought them together was so that this image could be captured. Megan can now concentrate on becoming the next Meryl Streep and David Silver can prepare for his inevitable appearance on Confessions of a Teen Idol 2.

And Sienna Miller better have the twatty wart known as Balthazar Getty burned off STAT, because Megan Fox is going to give her some competition as one of the biggest sluts in Hollywood. Sienna has to set up her game. Now that Megan is on the loose, she's going to eff everyone from Mickey Rourke to Mickey Rooney.

Get Megan Fox a barf bag. If she has to see little Miley Cyrus shake her shit for Mickey Mouse one more time, she's going to up chuck a bunch of David Silver jizz.

In an interview with GQ Magazine, Megan explains why she hates the baby whore machine known as Disney. She said: “With any of the Miley Cyrus shit, or any of that Vanessa Hudgens shit—I would never issue an apology for my life and for who I am. It’s like, Oh, I’m sorry I took a naked, private picture that someone is an asshole and sold for money. I’m sorry if someone else is a dick. No. You shouldn’t have to apologize. Someone betrayed Vanessa, but no one’s angry at that person. She had to apologize. I hate Disney for making her do that. Fuck Disney.”

When the interviewer tells her that she probably just dug her own grave. She responded: “Yeah, that was probably a bad move—they own everything. But it’s not right. They take these little girls, and they put them through entertainment school and teach them to sing and dance, and make them wear belly shirts, but they won’t allow them to be their own people. It makes me sick.”

They make them wear belly shirts?! That should be a fucking crime in itself. Nobody should ever wear belly shirts. Ever. Well, only this dude should be allowed, but nobody else!

You know, Megan can't act her way out of a used condom, but I still like her. She's a filthy whore who isn't afraid to stand up for fellow sluts! Yes, the Mickey Mouse Mafia will probably put a hit out on her ass, but it's worth it.

Megan also talked about this picture of her grabbing David Silver's salchicha. In typical slut fashion, Megan shrugged it off as not being a big deal:“I don’t understand why they’re so scandalous. When they first came out, it was like, Megan Fox was giving Brian a blow job in pub—I mean, uh—a hand job in public. First: Who gives hand jobs? Who’s given a hand job since seventh grade? Not me. And who does it at a café on a public street? I touch him all the time. It’s just like, if you have a girlfriend, you grab her butt or whatever. That’s all it was, but it became a big deal. I don’t know why. For me, touching Brian’s dick for two seconds—that’s not part of our sex life. That’s me playing around; you know, you just cup it a little. For a few seconds.”

Megan is a breath of fresh whore! Finally, a slut who is proud of being a slut and isn't about to apologize for it! That's right, us sluts just "cup" dick in public and there's nothing wrong with that!