Baby Names

BABIES!!! Adam Sandler and his wife friend Jackie have added another human to this earth. You better get your oxygen tank out soon, because we're running out of air to breathe!!

Adam wrote on his website yesterday: "Jackie and Adam had a beautiful baby girl, Sunny Madeline on November 2. Everyone is happy and healthy."

Sadie Sandler & Sunny Sandler?! They sound like a failed folk duo whose greatest achievement was opening for The Partridge Family in the 70s. There's too many fucking Ss there.

I also knew a Sunny once. She was really lovely, but she slept a lot. Slept a lot, because she was a fucking cat. These celebrities and their cat names!

P.S. - WHERE THE FUCK IS ASSHOLE SIMPONS'S BABY?! I don't blame Emo Baby for not wanting to come out.

P.P.S. - I can't wait to read the comments in this post while I nibble on my Pop Tart.

Back in August, when Jemaine Clement got married to some floozy out of nowhere, I was completely shocked! And now here's another vag slap to the face. Jemaine and his new wife Miranda Manasiadis welcomed the fifty gazillionth member of the neverending child army.

Jemaine and that woman gave birth to a boy last month in NYC while he was filming the second season of "Flight of the Conchords."

They named him Sophocles Iraia Manasiadis Clement. Sophocles is the name of Miranda's Greek pepaw and Iraia is the name of one of Jemaine's grandparents.

You know, Jemaine could have named his son PoopyFace Chickpea and I still would love the name. Besides, they can call him Phockey for short.

And Asshole Simpson and Pete Wentz better cross the name Sophocles off their list of available celebrity baby names. You know that name is their top pick.

Source

BABIES!!! BABIES!!! Amy Poehler and Will Arnett have added yet another member to the trillion strong child army that will soon take over this planet and make us all their slaves. But that's besides the point!

TMZ reports that Amy popped out a baby boy today. This means she can't show up to work tonight on "SNL" tonight and Seth Meyers will have to do Weekend Update solo. Lazy ass Amy! She should just bring her new baby with her. I'm sure he can already tell jokes, deliver punchlines and rap. Shit. I'm sure the Arnett baby has already signed a comedy deal at NBC. His half-hour comedy show will debut in the Spring.

Unfortunately, we don't know a baby name, but I hope they name him Gob in honor of "Arrested Development." Or they should name him Lucille Bluth. One of those.

UPDATE: And his name is.....ARCHIE ARNETT! I guess Amy gave birth to a clumsy comic book character. His first words are probably going to be "Golly Gee!" The name works for me, but we'll call him GOB for short. I mean, it would be illegal not to call him GOB. Hopefully, she'll have another boy sometime soon and they can name him Jughead!

Amy and Will's rep confirmed their baby's name to People. Their rep also said that AA weighed in at 8 lbs., 1 oz.

HOLD UP! I just remembered something. David Archuleta, the annoying baby chipmunk with constant jogger's voice from "American Idol," is nicknamed Archie. Ugh. Maybe that wasn't the best choice of name after all.....

Lil Wayne barely announced to the world that he was expecting a baby at Sunday's BET Awards. Well, that baby has landed. His spokesbitch tells UsWeekly that Lil Wayne's new son was born this afternoon in Cincinnati, Ohio. The new baby's name is Dwayne Carter III. Lil Wayne's real name is Dwayne Michael Carter Jr.

Lil Wayne has never said who Lil'er Wayne's mommy is. My money's on Bow Wow. And I bet you Lil Wayne's baby boy is already taller than he is.

It was slow on the baby news for a while and suddenly it's like a BABY hurricane! BABIES are everywhere once again. It's okay. Yes, we're overpopulated, but what's another ten, twenty, trillion more humans? I've said it eleventy times and I'll say it again, BABIES are taking over the planet. I've already made peace with the fact that my last breath will probably be under a mountain of dirty diapers.

Billie Piper gave birth to yet another member of this planet in London today. That's why you're having trouble breathing this morning. Another living thing is stealing your oxygen!

You may know this broad from "Dr. Who," but I know her from "Secret Diary of a Call Girl." That shit was my summer obsession. I love sexy time workers, so this show was practically made for me. Lately, HBO has been showing "Hookers at the Point" like every hour, so I have to stop what I'm doing (which is usually nothing) and relive the tragic tales of hot bitches like School Teacher. Whatever happened to her and her dentures? I digress. Enough about hookers and more about babies....

The BBC reports that 26-year-old Billie delivered a boy via C-section. He weighed in at 6lb 11oz. Billie and her husband unit Laurence Fox have named their kid Winston James Fox. What a perfectly normal name. Sort of sounds like a cat's name, but I don't have any major issues with it.

When asked how his wife is doing, Laurence said, "Well, she has been cut apart, so probably overnight. I will be with her for the length of it."

Yeah, her body parts are in different rooms, so it's going to take a while to piece her back together.

The population has gotten even larger thanks to Gillian Anderson. A human baby came out of her body on October 15th in London. BABIES!!! Excuse me, I have to take a Valium to deal with my "babies taking over the planet" phobia.

Her spokesbitch tells People that Gilly and her boyfriend Mark Griffiths have named the BABY Felix Griffiths. He weighed in at 6 lbs., 15 oz. Wait. Felix Griffiths and her last name is Anderson? His full name should be Felix Anderson Griffiths. That would give him the greatest initials ever. I would monogram fucking everything if I had those initials. Okay, I do that anyway, but at least I would have a good reason if my name was Felix Anderson Griffiths.

Felix is Gilly and Mark's second kid. They also have another son they call Oscar. Felix and Oscar! That's some Odd Couple shit right there. If she has girls, she can name them Cecily and Gwendolyn Pigeon.

Thank you to Gilly for giving this planet yet another BABY! Hopefully, David Duchovny's obsession with the sexy times had nothing to do with this!

Remember Paris Bennet from "American Idol"? Yeah, most likely not. When a season of AI ends, most people, hit the delete button and completely erase all memory they had of the contestants. Well, Paris was known as "Princess P" on season 5 of AI. She gave birth to a 5 lbs., 15 oz. baby girl yesterday. As expected, Paris named her daughter Egypt.....

Paris and Egypt. If she has another kid, she'll probably name it Schenectady. You know, I shouldn't joke. Paris has the right idea. Name your kid after one of your favorite places. If I should ever lose my mind (well, lose it even more) and decide to have a baby, I'll name it Baldwin Park in honor of the city where the first In-N-Out was built. And don't think you can get away with calling it "Baldwin." No. Call him "Baldwin Park" or nothing at all!

Source