Heather Mills

Heather Mills has given Paul McCartney yet another reason to wish he had never fallen for her peg-legged charms. Paul is currently romancing Nancy Shevell, but the relationship will not last if Heather gets her way. Heather is afraid that Paul might start a new family with Nancy and brush their daughter, Beatrice, to the side. Heather is also planning to call Nancy to warn her about Paul.

A source told Showbiz Spy, "Heather’s threatening to call and explain the dangers of dating a Beatle. She had hell with the public hating her and reckons Nancy could too. Heather genuinely thinks she’s doing Nancy a good turn.”

Nancy and Paul recently came back from a vacation in Antigua and Heather was livid! “She went ballistic when she found out. She’s also terrified they’re planning a baby - even though Nancy’s not far off 50 - and thinks another child will detract from Beatrice.”

Cock blocking Mills! She kills a relationship faster than an unplanned pregnancy!

Nancy needs to keep all her pets inside and turn off all her phones lines. I'm getting a "Fatal Attraction" vibe from this. Heather is just like Alex Forrest, but without the awesome hair and extra leg.

Here's Nancy in NYC last night. Poor bitch doesn't know what's coming. Run and hide!

$50 million is not enough for Heather Mills and she's reportedly hired a forensic accounting firm to prove that Paul McCartney is worth more than the £400 million he claims. She hopes that the accountants will bring new information that will get her settlement overturned and award more cash to her daughter.

After Heather was awarded a shit load of cash, she told reporters, "We all know he's worth £800 million. He's been worth £800 million for the last 15 years." The Daily Mail reports that Heather even has recordings of Paul admitting he's worth £800million. Oh shit! I bet Heather does a spot on Paul McCartney impersonation. Well, she has nothing else to do all day. The recording probably goes something like this, "Ello. My name is Paul McCartney and I am worth £800million. Heather Mills is a saint and she should receive all my money as well as any money I may make in the future. Heather should also take my soul and any of my working organs."

Heather has also been telling friends that she doesn't know how she's going to support their 2-year-old daughter on £35,000 a year. Heather doesn't think their daughter should live a different lifestyle than her father. She is hoping Paul will discreetly give her more, so they don't have to go back to court. A source said, "Even with Bea travelling in economy Heather says it's not enough. She is keeping every receipt - including her invoice to her security team - to show that £35,000 is just not sufficient."

I have to hand it to the devil. He sure broke the mold when he made Heather.

Heather Mills will follow-up her acclaimed performance as crazed water attacker by being a judge on The Miss USA pageant. ExtraTV reports that Heather has been asked to judge the T&A show and she's accepted. The pageant will take place on April 11th in Las Vegas. Donny and Marie Osmond are set to co-host.

Heather is turning out to be one of the most disappointing gold diggers of all time. I thought Marla Maples sucked, but Heather is the worst. Doesn't this trick know that you're supposed to disappear after you win the money. Bitch needs to buy an island, buy a few slave midgets to carry her one-legged ass around and enjoy herself. Instead, she agrees to judge some 3rd rate pony show? Embarrassing!

I will be tuning in hoping that the audience boos her when pill-popping Marie introduces her.

P.S. - I'm watching American Idol right now and it's Beatles night AGAIN! Heather should have been a guest judge on this crap! She would have hated every single performance, "It's not you. It's the song!"

P.P.S. - That's an actual court sketch of Heather Mills pouring water over the head of Paul's lawyer. HIGH ART!

The most loved woman in the world, Heather Mills, has hired Gloria Allred to be her attorney in the United States. Lock up the billionaires! Heather is coming to town. Gloria spoke to PageSix.com and said she's honored to represent her. That's just lawyer talk for "bitch is paying me a lot of money." Gloria is saying all this nice shit now, but wait until Heather hops away from her bill. She's known to do that.

Gloria said, "Heather was delighted with the outcome today. It was about justice. Heather was a winner before she met Paul, and she will continue to be a winner. I admire Heather for her charity work." Gloria also talked about Heather's wish to keep the judgment private to the public, "It's my preference that everything be kept private because of Heather's daughter. However, if it's going to be made public, then everything should be made public, including the complete transcripts from the proceedings. Heather has often been treated unfairly."

Too bad bitch! The 58-page judgment was released today. The judge felt Heather was "inaccurate, inconsistent and less than candid." Yup, that pretty much sums her up. The judge went on to say that Heather claimed she revived Paul McCartney's career. It goes on and on. The Daily Mail has a full run down. Basically, the judge paints Heather as a gold digger who tried to get as much as she could out of Paul. She wanted EVERYTHING.

And what the fuck did Heather wear to court yesterday? George Jefferson wants his suit back!

I have a very important question to ask before we get into the Heather Mills/Paul McCartney bukkake divorce news. Where the damn fuck is Michele Elyzabeth and her dog Bijou?! Heather's crazy ass publicist promised she would update her blog weekly with Heather news and she hasn't updated since December. I am so mad at her. I am tempted to chop off my leg, so she'll give me some attention. Please come back Michele Elyzabeth!

Anyway, it looks like the battle for Paul's millions is coming to an end. The Daily Mail reports Heather will get £46million. She's agreed to one lump sum of £25 million. The judgment has reportedly been made and the verdict will be handed down on Monday. It's not known if that settlement includes cash for their daughter, Beatrice.

Heather apparently wanted more, because she's a greedy bitch. The settlement will still go down as one of Britain's largest. Legal bills alone total £10 million.

Hopefully this is the end, so the bitch can hop away into the sunset already with all her millions. I have to hand it to her. After only a few years she has become one of Britain's richest prostitutes. Jordan has nothing on this bitch!

Heather Mills and Paul McCartney still haven't been able to reach a settlement in their divorce. Despite reports that they reached an agreement for Paul to pay the one legged bitch 100 million of his fortune, turns out that wasn't good enough.

According to People: It now remains for the judge in the case to arrive at the fairest settlement to end the couple's five-year marriage. The former couple married in 2002, had a daughter named Beatrice and separated in 2006.

Paul was not present in court, he was said to be rehearsing for his live performance at Wednesday's BRIT Awards (which is the U.K. version of the Grammys).

When all is said and done and she gets her dough, men will only be after her for one thing. Karma...

Heather Mills left court yesterday grinning from ear to ear. The reason? Paul McCartney has apparently agreed to pay her she-devil ass £55million. This divorce settlement has made history. The Daily Mail reports that 40-year-old Heather will get £20million up front and then £2.5million every year until their daughter turns 18. Heather has been representing herself after her lawyers dumped her, because she didn't pay them.

Heather has also agreed to a confidentiality agreement as part of the settlement. That will be hard since bitch loves to talk about that shit. She can't talk about their marriage or their divorce proceedings.

Mr Justice Bennett, who is presiding over their divorce proceedings will give Heather the weekend to seek legal advice about the settlement if she wants. They are expected to meet again in court on Monday.

Heather will remain the main caretaker to their daughter. They will live in Britain and Eastern Europe. Heather is apparently leaving Britain, because they hate her ass so much there. She plans to live in Poland or somewhere like that.

I'm so sick of people calling Heather's crazy ass a gold digger. Okay, she's a gold digger, but you would do the same thing. Paul McCartney has more money than he knows what to do with. He's worth like £825million! £55million is chump change for him. Heather is a bitch, but she got what she wanted and I have to hand it to her.

Now she can afford to buy a deserted island somewhere, because that's probably the only place in the world where she won't be hated. Well, unless the monkeys on the island have internet. If they do, she's fucked.

Paul McCartney and Heather Mills are back in court today to fight over Paul's billion-dollar fortune. This divorce settlement could be the biggest in British legal history. Heather wants 10% of everything. Heather is representing herself in court after she was allegedly dumped by her lawyers for not paying them. That means Heather will cross-examine Paul. That's right Heather! Get your money. Throw the leg at him.

Heather could get $150 million of Paul's dough. She can finally get her fake leg covered in diamonds. You know that's what she wants to do.

Paul is apparently claiming poor after he told Heather he didn't make that much money from his last world tour. He said he lost $6 million. That's chump change to him. A source close to Heather told Gatecrasher, "He's been claiming that during their marriage he made absolutely nothing. But . . . he went all over America. He claimed they lost money, but she was involved in doing the accounts for the tour. Heather claims it made tens of millions of [dollars]."

Also, a dude came forward to the News of the World claiming he was boinking Heather while she was dating Sir Paul. He said, "He was an old bloke and I knew what Heather was like. She was only in love with what Paul could do for her. She loved the idea of being Lady McCartney." I want dirty pictures or I don't believe it. Heather is a Grade A gold digger and I can't see her making that mistake.

Image: Splash