Jenny McCarthy

While Jim Carrey continues to dig an underground tunnel from his basement to the bottom of Emma Stone's dirty laundry hamper, his ex-piece and Autism activist Jenny McCarthy busted out a "chichi bags out, hip to the side pose" (you can learn about on page 16 in Bikini Photo-Op Posing for Dummies) while out with her new dude in Malibu yesterday.

Yes, Jenny's dude looks he screams "bada bing, baby!" when he's about to cum and his lube of choice is probably made by AXE, but his body has one of my favorite kind of man stomachs on it. You know, he has one of those sampler stomachs. If you want to knock your tongue against a half six-pack, he's got that for you. If you prefer your man guts the same way you prefer your Whoopee cushions (rubbery and bloated), then he's got that for you too. The best of both worlds.

And those of you hating bitches out there who are reading Jenny McCarthy's body its rights, you should know that she got that body from doing lots of yoga. Okay? Yeah, more like yogatthatbodyfromtheplasticsurgeonbitch.

Jenny McCarthy will slap the shit out of any vaccine you point at her child, and she needs to start doing the same thing to any needle her plastic surgeon points at her mug. At the Midsummer Night's Dream party in Las Vegas this past weekend, Jenny showed up looking like the Scream mask after getting a makeover at Glamour Shots.

If Jenny thinks she'll win Jim Carrey back if she turns herself into the female Stanley Ipkiss, somebody needs to show her a different way. Key his new girlfriend's car or crawl into his bed in the middle of the night like a normal person does! Leave the face alone!

Jenny McCarthy's son was diagnosed with autism and she believes the MMR vaccine was the cause. She even wrote five books on the subject. Well, thanks to the grace of God and the banishment of evil bread foods, her autistic son is no longer autistic. Jenny says that she put her son on a strict no-wheat, no-dairy diet and his autism eventually disappeared! Or something like that. Before you give her the side-eye, read what she tells UsWeekly:

"I made a deal with God. I said, 'You fix my boy, you show me the way and I'll teach the world how I did it.'"

 God listened to her and replied, "No bread. No milk. No problem." Jenny listened and that was that! I made up that last part by the way.

Jenny recalls the moment she started to believe that her son was "recovered." It was while he was watching an episode of Spongebob. She said, "I heard Evan laugh...I jumped on the bed and started screaming. When he finally hugged me, I prayed, 'Please God don't let this be the only time.'"



She will continue to be an advocate for autism awareness. Jenny said that she recently tried to speak to John McCain about it, because he's spoken about autism and vaccines before. Jenny said, "McCain had come out and said he thinks there's enough evidence between vaccines and autism, so I got on a helicopter [to meet him for] an on-camera interview. By the time I got there, the campaign manager said, 'He's ahead in the polls, and this is too controversial, and he doesn't want to go one way or the next.'"



I'm sure Jenny replied with, "THAT'S BULLSHIT!"