Eyebrow Situation

Fucking shit fuck fuck shit fuck fucking fuck! THIS BITCH. Lady CaCa is really doing this! You know, a few days ago I saw pictures of her with the same eyebrows and figured that it was just a one-time thing. I thought that even her fool ass would realize that she is not worthy of such exquisite eyebrows. BUT here she is again! The Sharpie Corporation needs to send a cease and desist to Lady CaCa right away! Also, the cholas and the old crazy ladies of the world need to file a class-action lawsuit against her for copyright infringement!

I'm serious. I'd rather see Sharpie eyebrows on CHERYL BURKE'S floppy nalgas than this bitch. Anybody but this trick ass skank ho! Something must be done.

This is some "Poor Unfortunate Souls" shit and that is the highest of compliments! I mean, Beth Ditto's mesmerizing cholita eyebrows are a work of high art! This is the real reason why the Sharpie was invented! Seriously, they should teach this shit in all schools. Fuck 2 + 2, our nation's children need to know how to achieve stunning brows like this.

Beth is a brave bitch traveling without a couple of Brinks guards, because I know a few hardcore cholas that would cut those things right off! Although, Beth could probably knock them the fuck out just by rolling her dice.

Here's Beth and her holy eyebrows at the launch of her fashion line in London yesterday with some overgrown Oompa Loompa.

Here's three official pictures of Johnny Depp (as the Mad Hatter), Helena Bonham Carter (as the Queen of Hearts) and Anne Hathaway (as the White Queen) from Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. All three of these pictures can easily get prime real estate at the Museum of Exquisite Eyebrow Art. My own eyebrows are bowing down.

It looks like the picture that leaked last year of Johnny as the Mad Hatter was pretty much spot on. Johnny still looks like the acid baby of Elijah Wood and Carrot Top. And in this picture, you can clearly see that Tim Burton took weave brows to a whole new level! Johnny's flame brows are taking me higher! If Andy Rooney didn't get his bush brows trimmed by his barber every week, they would look just like this.

What is Helena Bonham Carter's chola name, because homegirl looks like she has razors in her hair and hickeys underneath her collar. Baby Heart Girl? La Rojo Whisper?

This stunning glamour shot should make you dump all your Sharpies into the bottom drawer for another day and pick up a BIC liquid ball point pen for your all your future eyebrow needs. Beautiful teeter-totter brows are the thing (this week).

I'm sure you don't even have to worry about taking a lady razor to your brows to achieve this ravishing look, because they probably fainted and fell off after first glance of this picture.

VIA The Smoking Gun (Thanks Sean)

For the second night in a row, Cristiano Ronaldo ignored the CDC's warnings and spent time with the corroded crotch growth that is Parasite Hilton.

On Thursday night, Parasite and Cristiano met at club before going back to Nicky Hilton's house where they most likely played a little game of "Pin the Herp Sore on the Peen." Last night, Cristiano showed up to Parasite's "GO AWAY" party. Parasite off to Dubai for a few weeks to shoot her reality doody show My New BFF. The Sun says that Cristiano only stayed for a couple of hours. Ugh. That's still enough time for him to stick his skin rod into her cesspoon of destruction.

Cristiano needs to curb his dick before someone really gets hurt! He needs to think of his glorious eyebrows! One morning he's going to wake up and they are going to be gone! They aren't going to put up with him making gross toxic love with Wonky! Or even worse, Wonky's lethal snatch fumes could burn his eyebrows right off! Think of your brows, man! You obviously worked hard at getting them to look so sweet, precious and fragile. Eyebrows, you in danger girl!

Here's Wonky arriving at some studio in L.A. yesterday afternoon with Tinkerbell in her hands. Tinkerbell must have been taking charm lessons at Barbizon, because she didn't learn to keep her legs closed from her owner.

Ever wanted to look like you have two half-dead tapeworms hanging out over your eyes, but are too afraid that they might eat your skin off or something? Well, here's your answer: weave brows! It's the new sensation sweeping the nation (not really)! I am a strong supporter of the eyebrow arts, so I am behind this! If you want puffy paint brows, go ahead, Haiti!

You can even achieve this "celebrity status" look using items around the house. Just glue some old pipe cleaners or carpet strips over your brows and there you go! You will be ready to take on the world! And just remember that when haters laugh and throw leaves at your worm brows it's just because they are JEALOUS! Excuse your beauty!

Thanks DJ & Milee

When Boy George strolled out of the butt sex factory that is prison yesterday, bitch didn't have any eyebrows!!!! I was mad at his ass, because you should never walk out the door without your eyebrows on. Well, you also shouldn't walk out with hair on your b-hole, but the eyebrow thing is more important!

Boy could've made eyebrows happen by wiping another inmate's dirty sanchez above his eyes or something! Where there's a will, there's a way! Ask any cholita.

Thankfully, the minute Boy got home he took a purple Sharpie to that shit. Excuse his beauty! Boy is now ready to take on the world again. Hopefully, that doesn't involve whoopin' hookahs.

Boy George must have had a glittery gay ole' fucking time in the chokey, because he busted out today with no damn eyebrows on his face! Get thee some brows, STAT! Give this ho a Sharpie! And if that's not possible, give his ass some black eyeliner and a lighter (a cholita back-up). The butt sex must have been hot shit, because it fried his brows right off. And the visual just singed my own brows.

The Daily Mail says Boy George was released from prison today after only serving 4-months of his 15-month sentence for chaining a trick to his radiator. Boy left the joint looking slimmer and healthier. Boy is built to wreak more havoc upon the world! Naw. Bitch better come down and focus on getting those eyebrows back. Boy should also stay away from radiators, chains, the internets and male Norwegian ass peddlers.

A little while ago, I woke up from a nap feeling the way Mickey Rourke's face looks. I had a Theraflu-induced nightmare, so I was all disoriented and shit. Not to mention that my face looked like a penis after going to battle with Parasite Hilton's toxic zone area. You know, cacaness, snot, smegma and loogies everywhere! So, I took a baby wipe to my face, opened my inbox and THERE IT WAS. This stunning picture! Suddenly, everything cleared up! I was healed. SAVED! Usually I pucker for eyebrows of the Sharpie variety, but this dude's grizzly brows did things to me. It kind of looks like two wet beavers playing chicken on his forehead, right?

The funny thing is, the owner of these wondrous brows is Dr. Alan Hay of the World Influenza Center. He's working on silencing all the oinks. Little does he know, that the cure is right above his very eyes. All you have to do is still a little piece of his miracle brow in your bong, smoke it and up all your ailments will be cured. Save us, Dr. Hay! Save us!

(Thanks Ryan)

Trent Reznor returned from the jungles of Mars with a souvenir: this alien beauty who belongs to the intergalactic tribe known as The Bai Lings. Her Earth name is Mariqueen Maandig (Actually, that might be her native name too) and you can see why Trent's peen thumps for her. Mariqueen's eyebrows are taking me to places I've never been before. Jump on them and ride past the stars! I bet if you touch them, you can speak to E.T. Shit, E.T. probably drew them himself.

My wish is that Trent and Mariqueen have ten million gorgeous eyebrow babies, because this is what our planet needs more of.

By the way, do you think Trent dick slaps her brows? Because I would. I know. Too far.