Eyebrow Situation

Kim from The Real Hos of Atlanta is at Sundance because Park City probably has a really bad problem with rabid Mormon coyotes attacking tourists. They figured that if they invited Kim's mangy ass, rabies-ridden wig, the coyotes would stop biting the tourists because they'd be too busy trying to get one of their babies back from Kim's head. Kim had to have known that there was going to be some wild animals around that would try to rescue one of their own. But she probably figured that her mutant tarantula eyelashes would scare them off.

And not only does she have to worry about wild animals attacking her face, she also needs to fend off the groups of children that try to rip her head off because they are mistaking it for a Barbie Styling Head. Although, a Barbie Styling Head has a little more life in the eyes.

Manchester United footballer and the star of many homo's dreams, Cristiano Ronaldo, completely annihilated his £200,000 Ferrari in a car crash earlier today. The eyebrow deities were with Cristiano, because he walked away with all his brow hairs perfectly in place. You know he has his precious brows insured.

The crash happened around 10:30 this morning while Cristiano was driving through a tunnel in Manchester. For some strange reason, he hit the side of the wall, sending the barrier and his car parts flying across the road. This is probably what happened: Cristiano got a glimpse of his sexy self in the rearview mirror, causing grease to explode from his every pore which made the break pedal a little oily and then...well... you know what happened next. It's dangerous being that gorgeous.

Cristiano pretty much sweats liquid gold, so The Sun says he's just going to write off the car. The price of the Ferrari is what he makes every other week. Eh.

A £200,000 Ferrari can be replaced with the kick of a ball, but having stunning eyebrows that make people get on their knees and pray is irreplaceable.

In this case, do not connect the dots! They are perfect the way that they are. This hot bitch was arrested in Paso County, FL back in September for possession of two stunning eyebrows. Guilty as charged! Okay, she was really busted for possession of a control substance, but I'm sure the real reason the cops brought her was because they were jealous of her beautiful eyebrows and tried to lock them away.

Seriously, this is some creative shit. During the holidays, she can take a Sharpie to them and draw little Christmas trees. On Valentine's Day, she can draw hearts. And on St. Patrick's day, she can draw little four leaf clovers.

This is an example of a crafty bitch turning her methbrows into a work of art!

Source

(Thanks Kev)

This is 23-year-old Christina Raines, the new fiancee of Drew Peterson. Most of you bitches know, but Drew is the 54-year-old piece of trash with a head like a walrus' ass who is a suspect in his fourth wife's disappearance and whose third wife suspiciously died in a bath tub.

This is what I don't understand. Why would Christina put her gorgeous chola eyebrows in any kind of danger? She obviously loves them like a Hostess fruit pie. It's obvious that she spends hours in front of her magnifying mirror with tweezers, an eyeliner pencil and a lighter. I know I talk about how cholas love their Sharpies, but classy ones, like the kinds I hung around, melted the tip of an eyeliner pencil with a lighter and used that to apply their gorgeous eyebrows. That shit is an art! Cholitas put razors in their hair just in case someone tried to fuck with their amazing eyebrow work!

Not only does Christina have magnificent brows, but she also is a waitress at T.G.I. Fridays! She must get a discount on Mudslides or some shit, right? Why would you want to fuck with your discount? I'm being serious.

Hopefully, the power from her beautiful eyebrows eventually wakes her the fuck up.

Source

(Thanks Jennifer)

Taylor Swift recently said that 19-year-old Joe Jonas dumped her squinty ass over the phone not too long ago and now it looks like he has already moved on to an older woman. And older woman who can appreciate a pair of brilliant brows. Taylor probably couldn't open her little eyes wide enough to see Joe's glorious eye hair and he was sick of it! He wanted her to love him for his brows!

Some source told People that Joe Jonas is dating 22-year-old actress Camilla Belle. I know her ass from that "When A Stranger Calls" remake. They met on the set of a Jonas Brothers music video and it's been love at first eyebrow sight ever since.

The source said, "They are not public about it but they've just been hanging out with their friends and Joe's brothers. They are very private about it."

Just hanging out with friends? Yeah, right. They probably spend hours alone, caressing each other's eyebrows, softly brushing them and carefully plucking each hair. Together, this dynamic eyebrow duo can change the eyebrow world forever. Shit. Maybe they can get married, adopt Raven and help her with her eyebrow issues!

Chace Crawford's carefully coiffed Joan Crawford eyebrows made the cover of V Magazine. I hope his eyebrows got their own spread. They definitely got their own team of stylists. Raven Symone is probably slapping at her eyebrows as punishment for not looking like Chace's. Chace better put a security team on his brows, because Raven is coming for them on her Segway! Amber alert!

Here's a couple more of the way too pretty ladyboy stealing Zac Efron's look in "Hairspray." And I'm pretty sure V stands for Veryveryverygay.

Raven Symone is sick of dumb skanks making fun of her busted eyebrows. Yes, they look like they were the victim of a waxing session gone wrong, but she can't help it. Raven was born with wonky brows. The other day, she abused her keyboard by writing a rant on her MySpace blog about her eyebrow situation.

I WAS BORN WITH MESSED UP EYE BROWS, LOOK AT THE COSBY SHOW THEY GROW UPSIDE DOWN AND ON THE WRONG EYE. THAT IS MY PARENTS DOING AND MY BROTHER HAS THE SAME ONES. IM SORRY IF I WANT TO GO OUT ONE DAY AND NOT FILL THEM IN. IM SURE OTHER PEOPLE DONT GO OUT ALL THE TIME WITH THEIR FACE BEAT (MAKE-UP TERM, FLAWLESS MAKE UP). MY BODY SIZE; OOOHHH MY GOD!!!! HOW MANY YEARS HAS IT BEEN… IV BEEN ON TV FOR 21 YEARS, AND IV ALWAYS BEEN THICK…..OK!!!!
NOW IF ANYONE KNOWS MY FAMILY, ALL OF THE WOMEN EXCEPT FOR A FEW, STRUGGLE WITH KEEPING WHAT IS A SOCIALLY EXCEPT-ABLE WEIGHT. WHEN I STRESS I GAIN, WHEN IM HAPPY WHO KNOWS… I HAD A LOT OF PERSON THINGS HAPPEN TO ME AT THE END OF THE SHOW, DEALING WITH FAMILY, AND MY EX-BOYFRIEND CHEATED ON ME AND I HAD TO BREAK UP WITH HIM (LISTEN TO LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME, AND SECRETS) AND LIKE ANY FEMALE WITH A PROBLEM, DELT WITH IT A CERTAIN WAY! ID LOVE IF THE INDUSTRY COULD ONE DAY UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN OBESITY AND FAT AND THICK AND THIN AND SICK. I AM A THICK GIRL, I HAVE NEVER BEEN OVER A SIZE 12, I CAN RUN, AND I TRY MY BEST TO EAT RIGHT ALL THE TIME. I AM NOT THE TEXT BOOK WEIGHT THAT THEY SAY I SHOULD BE, BUT EVERYDAY I HAVE MY OWN PERSONAL STRUGGLES, AND I THINK THAT PEOPLE NEED TO RESPECT THAT.

It looks like somebody is a proud graduate of the Kanye West School of Blogging! She forgot to call us SQUID BRAINS. She can do that in her next rant. I also need to send her my optometrist bill, because I'm sure my eyes received some kind of damage from reading all those damn CAPS.

Raven doesn't have upside down eyebrows! If she did, they would look like two hairy smiley faces over her eyes and that would be kind of cute. Homegirl just has a couple of bald patches. A little Rogaine might do the trick. If that doesn't work, she can get a brow weave. And if all else fails, there's always the good ole' Sharpie! It's always there for you and you can always count on it for your eyebrow emergencies.

Here's Raven at the premiere of "Tinkerbell" in Hollywood yesterday. After these pictures were taken, Tinkerbell mysterious disappeared. Everyone looked at Raven who had a little wing suspiciously hanging out of the corner of her mouth.