Lady GaGa

Alexander Skarsgård, Eric the viking vampire from True Blood and regular co-star of my dirty wet dreams, had to lick on Lady CaCa in her new video for "Paparazzi." Alexander has to make out with her mouth and everything! Think of all the baby wipes he had to eat just to get the taste out of his precious mouth.

Please tell me he did this for a check. Although, maybe he did it just so he could toss her ass off a hill (my favorite part)? If that's the case, my no-no still sings for him.

You know who else is in this never-ending "Girl, U So Artsy" shit? Those Swedish triplets Daisy de la Whora rejected on Daisy of Love! Lady CaCa needs to start doing background checks on tricks, because nobody should be put their tongue on Daisy's leftovers. Not even Lady CaCa.

Click here if you can't see the video above

Things you shouldn't see while sober: Lady CaCa on the cover of Rolling Stone with queef bubbles floating out of her crotch. Calgon, take her the fuck away already!

If Bette Midler circa 1978 and a special needs bull dog mated at Chernobyl......

The only thing that rises when I think of Lady CaCa is my fist, because it wants to punch her in the mouth. And here's a quote from the magazine that might make you to do the same: “I don’t feel like I look like the other perfect little pop singers. I think I’m changing what people think is sexy.”

VIA Jezebel (Thanks Al)

The living and breathing (that's unconfirmed) art installation that is Lady CaCa visited a museum in Paris today so that she could be around other works of high art. I think they immediately told her to leave, because she made the paintings cry in pain. They, like me, just don't understand such high levels of true art.

Maybe I'm becoming completely desensitized by this bunny-toothed hag, but I don't mind this outfit. Yes, I won't be able to enjoy an ice cream cone for a while without thinking it was attached to this beast's hooves, but other than that..... Oh wait, one more thing. I think the skirt probably looked better when it wasn't poofed out like that. Lady CaCa couldn't help it though. The hot air slowly seeping out of her ass made it balloon up.

Really? What is this? Why did this happen? Who put this here? What asshole does this?! Why?! Why hasn't someone sprayed this tranny cockroach with RAID yet? I don't understand. I know my simple mind just can't comprehend this level of artistic genius, but who actually likes this? Raise your hand....and then immediately put it in your garbage disposal and turn it on. But seriously, this bitch really does make me appreciate Vadge. That's kind of ironic since I'm 100% sure Lady CaCa is a mutation of one of Vadge's roidy crotch warts.

Oh, shit. This is a "Say Something Nice" and I already failed. Okay, let me try this again. Well, um...errr...the umbrella is nice.

Here's Lady CaCa after stealing Bette Midler's lips in Hocus Pocus in London last night with Mika.

Lady CaCa is such an English lady. Not only has she adopted Vadge's queef-inducing fraudulent British accent, but now she's carrying around a teacup all around town. It's just the artist being artsy. Lady CaCa is like a walking Louvre. I wish she'd walk right into the path of an oncoming double-decker bus.

The giant fart bag has become so attached to the teacup that she went crazy recently after leaving it at a restaurant. Some source told The Sun, “She kicked up a stink and demanded someone get her cup and saucer back. She wouldn’t drink out of anything else. It just looked like any other cup and saucer to me and said ‘Made in China’ on the bottom. It seemed a lot of fuss over nothing.”

Lady CaCa's spokesbitch is in on the ridiculousness, because they said, “Lady GaGa does not want to reveal anything about the teacup itself, but drinking ginger tea is very good for singers.”

Ugh. When is she going to crawl back into her own dick hole? She really needs to spend ten minutes with Amy Wino so she can learn how authentic crazy bitches do it.

Just for the record, she didn't misplace that teacup. The poor thing was trying to quit that bitch. It was on its way to Heathrow to catch the next jet to Taiwan when Lady CaCa got her diarrhea claws on it again. It will get the last laugh. Lady CaCa is going to wonder why her ginger tea tastes nuttier than usual. That's because her teacup is going to vom right before her nasty lips touch its rim.

Here's CaCa wandering the streets of London while wearing a thong around her neck which makes her titties look even more like a sad pair of saggy chest nalgas.

The walking performance fart that is Lady CaCa censored her titty dingles and walked the streets of London while taking pictures of the paparazzi with her sunglasses still on. That X would look a lot better over her face rather than on her droopy colostomy bag titties. Aw. I'm just angry, because I'm too simple to understand Lady GaGMe's undeniable genius. Not since Andy Warhol has the world been graced with such a true artiste.

Lunch? Who needs it? Dinner? Not necessary! Stomach?! Let it go! Seriously, if you dare venture into these three pictures below, your stomach will put up a "Vacancy" sign break out of your ass. It will be through with you! Luckily, I managed to grab mine before got out the front door.

I don't know how old these pictures are, but it's of Lady CaCa giving her friend Lady Starlight a pussy examination at a club in NYC. Yeah, it's your typical drunken shit, but this is why the delete button exists on a camera.

Lady Starlight's vagina looks like a wet beaver suffocating in a net, because it's going through some traumatic shit! Lady CaCa's fug mug will make any flower wilt.

Lady CaCa looked like a giant butt nugget surrounded by fart bubbles at the opening night of her tour in San Diego last night. This might have worked if there were hamsters in each bubble. Rabid hamsters that would have broke out of their bubbles and mauled her face, which would have been an improvement.

The Empress of Lucite is lying in a pool of tears at the sight of those exquisite lucite heels being wasted on Lady CaCa. This is not what Shauna Sand had in mind for the future of lucite!

In all honestly, if Bjork was wearing this Don Ho shit, I'd probably get on my eyes and worship her. But it's not Bjork, it's Lady CaCa, so it looks like just a pile of queef bubbles on a big turd.

The Pet Shop Boys closed the Brit Awards tonight with a medley of their songs and everything was going hot. There were giant talking heads on the screen and Chris Lowe restyled Brit Brit's infamous pink wig and wore it. Pretty perfect. Then a nose monster came out of the shadows to destroy everything! Lady CaCa looked like she belonged on the clearance shelf at Big Lots. I just want to stick some fake flowers in her mouth and set her on my coffee table. Bitch definitely got this shit from the reject rack at the Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead fashion show.

Brandon Flowers also made a cameo and his voice would have sounded a lot better if he sang into my no-no instead of that mic.

Here's some pictures of their rehearsal earlier today. That outfit, right? Porcelain vase gone WRONG.

Lady CaCa looks like she stepped out from an old episode HBO's Real Sex. Oh, how I love vintage Real Sex episodes. I like seeing how bitch's kept their private shit bushy and lovely in the early 90s.

Anyfamewhory, it was nice of Lady CaCa to actually cover up her disaster zone with a skirt. That way we don't have to witness her tampon's second escape attempt. It was also very kind of her to wear the outfit Hazmat provided her to protect her skeezerness from the rest of the world. However, I wish she would have also worn the matching face mask.

When she's done with that rubber skirt, she can give it to her best slut friend forever Wonky McValtrex. Wonky can use it as a dental dam. Yes, her toxic pussy is that wide.

Here's Lady CaCa frolicking around London last night. Remember, the famewhore gene keeps her warm.