Just one day after a crazy bitch threw a pubes-covered electric razor at him, Hugh Jackman was back at the scene of the crime, Gotham Gym in NYC, yesterday. If Hugh stops putting muscles on top of his muscles while surrounded by a bunch of hot, sweaty dudes in wet tank tops, the pube-throwing stalkers have won!
I, for one, am glad that Hugh JackMeOff isn't going to let some crazy lady and her flying nether region fur keep him from the gym, because if he did stay away, we'd never get these pictures of him looking like an angry bullfrog trying to keep his ass from exploding while getting DPed. And now I know how that crazy bitch feels, because looking at Hugh's veiny dick arms is making me want to throw pubes at the screen while declaring my love for him.
Some of us have wet dreams of throwing our pubic hair at Hugh Jackman's face, but usually our crotches are still attached to that pubic hair.
Hugh Jackmeoff was working out at NYC's Gotham Gym on Saturday morning when one of his crazy stalkers ran in, screamed "I love you!" and threw a razor covered in her pussy fur at him. It's pretty surprising that Hugh didn't scream "I love you!" back and hire her as his new beard, because I know I instantly fall in love with every crazy trick who throws pubes at me.
The New York Post says that 47-year-old Kathleen Thurston was hysterically sobbing when she slipped passed the gym's check-in counter and ran to the area where the object of her stalking affection was. Kathleen reached into her waistband and Hugh thought she was going to pull out a gun, but she pulled out a coochie hair-covered razor and threw it at him. One of the trainers grabbed her, threw her out of the gym and then called the cops.
The cops caught up with Kathleen a few blocks away and arrested her. Hugh told the cops that Kathleen has shown up to his home before and even trolled around his daughter's school. Kathleen has no criminal history and lives at a shelter for the mentally ill.
After Hugh Jackman gets the essence of Kathleen's dirty pubes off of his body by marinating in a tub full of boiled Purell for a few hours, he should look into getting something called a restraining order. And poor Kathleen. Everybody knows you're not supposed to throw your dirty crotch hair at the dude you love. That scares them off. You're supposed to knit them a nice pubic hair cozy for their peen. Some crazy hos just don't know...
Here's Hugh walking around NYC with his wife the other day.
You know it's a special occasion when John Travolta pulls out his favorite wig. Since John Travolta is always hijacking the iPod in the Scientology's bath house to play Rodgers & Hammerstein's greatest hits, the producers of the Oscars asked him to introduce the tribute to movie musicals last night. Everybody's talking about how John Travolta can't pronounce Les Miserables (Note: Please, he mispronounced that shit on purpose to make himself look straighter), but everybody should be talking about the glorious beast on his head. Yes, every Papillon is throwing a shank eye at Travolta since he stole their signature hairstyle, but they have to admit that his center part is immaculate. I'm sure Moses himself parted Travolta's wig. I'm not talking about Moses from the bible, I'm talking about Moses the resident wig master at the Scientology beauty salon.
Travolta didn't only work a stunning lace front, but he also worked a hot velcro patch on his chin. When you tea bag Travolta, you can exfoliate your taint on his hot velcro patch at the same time.
Here's a few more pictures of Travolta with Kelly Preston last night and since we're on the subject of lush beards, let's pay tribute to some of the best ones last night. In order: Travolta with Kelly Preston, George Clooney with Stacy Keibler, Hugh Jackmeoff with Deborra-Lee Furness, Justin Theroux with Jennifer Aniston, Jean Dujardin and Ben Affleck with Jennifer Garner.
I promise that this will be my last 2013 Golden Globes post of the year (no, it won't be) and after this we shall never speak of the 2013 Golden Globes again (yes, we will), but how can I not post about the only reason why the 2013 Golden Globes happened in the first place? The 2013 Golden Globes only existed to pay tribute to the greatest singing and acting talent of this and every other generation!
Of course, Anne Hathaway won Best Supporting Actress for Les Miserables and after she burped out a "blergh," she said, "Oh my gosh, this is happening." Bitch, stop. Don't act like you didn't build a replica of the Golden Globes stage in your spare room just so you could practice your acceptance speech for weeks beforehand. Anne totally screened her speech for test audiences and asked them if she should keep in the line, "Thank you for this lovely blunt object that I will forevermore use as a weapon against self doubt." They voted to keep that line in, obviously. Anne continued to blabber on and she went overtime, but she wasn't done yet.
In the clip above, Les Miserables is named the Best Comedy Or Musical (Note: Les Miserables qualified as a comedy and a musical thanks to Russell Crowe's singing) of the year and before the movie's producer can even start his speech, Anne hijacks the mic and mouth farts out all the names of hos she forgot to thank. Anne looked so nervous, crazed and anxious when she hopped on the mic that I thought she was going to scream, "He's wearing a bomb! Everybody run!" But it was a different kind of emergency. Anne just needed to thank more people. That's all.
After the show ended, Anne jumped back on the mic and continued to thank people while the crew struck the set and moved all the chairs out of the ballroom. The crew then picked up the part of the stage that Anne was on and moved it to the back of a truck as she kept thanking people. That truck is now somewhere between Los Angeles and Barstow, and Anne is still on it, thanking people.
Here's Anne, wearing a lovely dildo cozy, while posing with some of her Les Miserables castmates last night.
Well, there's a headline that makes you wish you kept a fluffy kitten in your bottom desk drawer so you have something adorable to hug when you're feeling emotions.
Lifetime panty creamer Hugh Jackman was on Katie Couric's show (via UsWeekly) yesterday and the entire episode wasn't full of him singing show tunes while wearing wet swim trunks. Katie's producers have got to do better. Instead of doing the one-man Les Miserables while only wearing panties, Hugh got serious with Katie and told her why he and his wife Deborra Lee-Furness never had biological children. Hugh says that they tried many times, but after trying IVF and suffering through several miscarriages, they decided to adopt. The greatest Australia next to Brynne Gordon (she counts!) said this:
"To be clear, Deb and I always wanted to adopt. So that was always in our plan. We didn't know where in the process that would happen but biologically obviously we tried and it was not happening for us and it is a difficult time. We did IVF and Deb had a couple of miscarriages. I'll never forget it the miscarriage thing -- it happens to one in three pregnancies, but it's very very rarely talked about. It's almost secretive, so I hope Deb doesn't mind me bringing it up now. It's a good thing to talk about it. It's more common, and it is tough. There's a grieving that you have to go through.
Many of you are parents, you guys know you can't prepare for that moment. Nothing can prepare you. You can't even explain how incredible it is and that avalanche of emotion that comes and how it opens up your heart, how it frustrates you, how it angers you, how everything is just all the sudden how alive you are as a parent."
There's been blind items that pretty much suggest that Hugh and Deborra are the sane version of John Travolta and Kelly Preston. They love each other, are wonderful parents and every now and again he passes his peen to man ass. I'm going to need to see HD video (preferably with a soothing soundtrack) of this or see it with my own brown eye before I can confirm it as true fact. In the meantime, here's some pictures from September of Hugh JackMeOff's nipples.
At the NYC premiere of Les Miserables on Monday night, Anne Hathaway accidentally gave the paps a pubic hair show (Side note: Bronner Brothers should really do an International Pubic Hair Show) when she had a wardrobe malfunction while slipping out of her SUV. The pictures ended up everywhere. They even ended up in Matt Lauer's inbox, but that's mostly because he has a Google Alert set up for "Anne Hathaway coochie pictures." Anne was on Today (via Jezebel) this morning to talk about Les Miserables, and Matt Lauer started their interview by saying, "We've seen a lot of you lately..." Matt then asked Anne about those SANS CHONIES pictures and I thought she was going to say that she was actually wearing custom-made Tom Ford pubic hair panties, but instead she said that it makes her sad knowing that we live in a world where pieces of trash sell pictures like that and bigger pieces of trash post them on their piece of trash websites (Why is everyone looking at me?!). Here's Anne's response:
"It was obviously an unfortunate incident. It kind of made me sad on two accounts. One was that I was very sad that we live in an age when someone takes a picture of another person in a vulnerable moment and rather than delete it, and do the decent thing, sells it. And I’m sorry that we live in a culture that commodifies sexuality of unwilling participants, which brings us back to 'Les Mis,' that's what my character is, she is someone who is forced to sell sex to benefit her child because she has nothing and there's no social safety net. So lets get back to Les Mis."
Anne also told The NY Daily News that her dress was so tight and she was so busy with trying to get out of the SUV that she didn't realize half of her crotch fluff was showing. Anne said, "It was devastating. They saw everything. I might as well have lifted up my skirt for them.”
You know, if none of us wore panties then we'd all flash each other all the time and it wouldn't be such a scandal or shock anytime someone's genital bush made an appearance out in public. We should all unite with Anne Hathaway by burning all of our chonies and we should all go panty-less in public all the time. That's what we should do! You go first, Hugh Jackman....
Here's Anne and Hugh (wearing way too much underwear) at The Museum of Moving Images Salute to Hugh Jackman in NYC last night.
Let's take a moment to recognize the "Bitch, did the try hard evil spirit of Lea Michele temporarily possess your body?" side-eye that Anne Hathaway is throwing at Amanda Seyfried.
Anne Hathaway took a moment from going on and on about how she starved herself by only eating oatmeal jerky to play a singing, dying hooker and she put on a hot dress to pose at tonight's London premiere of Les Misérables (aka the movie you'll recommend seeing on Christmas Day, which will make one of your relatives scream, "I don't want to read no movie with subtitles!").
When Anne puts on a fancy dress for a premiere or whatever, she usually looks like she's in the middle of devising a devious scheme to take down Supergirl or planning to crash Amanda's wedding in Moldavia, and I can appreciate that. This dress looks like an extra fancy, pearl-encrusted maxi-pad with WINGS! I love how Anne has to lift her arms to show off those wings and it doesn't seem like she feels stupid while doing so. Bitch is committed! I even love that it looks like she's farting out a ruffle.
Here's more of Anne Hathaway looking like an 80s comic book villainess while posing with Amanda Seyfried, Hugh JackMeOff, Russell Crowe and Samantha Barks.
Sarah Jessica Parker, Madge and Sylvester Stallone all have fields of bulging veins that make their arms look like a peen-shaped jellyfish in a penis pump, but they still don't have it like Hugh JackMeOff has it. Twentieth Century Fox pushed out this first still from the Wolverine sequel, which comes out next year, of Hugh looking like if Freddy Krueger got a full body skin graft, got his hair done by Pauly D and did nothing but snort Hydroxycut and weight lift entire Bowflex machines for 6 months straight. Dude has muscles on every inch of his body and beyond. If I put a magnifying glass over his hair, I'd probably see biceps on each individual strand.
Hugh's abs are insane and he's definitely giving drug mules ideas. Something tells me many TSA agents will hear the line, "No, I didn't surgically implant long bags of cokes under my stomach skin, I just work out a lot." And Hugh's arms are delicious and I'm only saying that, because they look like cabbage rolls stuffed with beef.
via Coming Soon
Don't you hate it when you go to bed healthy and you wake up in the middle of the night with the full-on sicks. The inside of your head is pounding on the walls of your skull, your limbs fall into a temporary sloth coma, the shivers cover your body, you hack up Slimer jizz and you now know what Hugh Hefner's hos feel like when they look at themselves in the mirror after riding his dehydrated earth worm dick. That's how I feel and it's not right. Usually, those bitch ass viral germs give me a few warnings before completely attacking me, so I can put up a good fight by overdosing on Airborne and that ginger, honey, lemon crap my mom makes me drink. But those shifty germs played dirty and jumped my ass in my sleep. Rude whores.
So because of this, I'm thankful that these pictures of Hugh Jackman sunning his fur nips at a beach in Barcelona exist. Do they make me feel better? Not totally, but at least I have something pretty to look at while I freebase DayQuil.
Usually, I'm all for a dress that makes eyes frantically search the chichis zone for a possible nipple slip situation, but I just can't with the mess Jessica Chastain had on her body at the Doogie Howser SINGS! Show last night. To me, in interviews Jessica Chastain always comes off as a sweet, overexcited kitten whose eyes flare with potent glee at the sight of anything shiny, so I sort of understand why she decided to wear this shit. "SHINY! AH WANTS IT ON ME!" was probably Jessica's first reaction to that fug mess. But it's her friends, family and stylist's job to gently sit on her something soft, hand her a cup of herbal tea and calmly tell her that the dress she chose makes her tits look like they fell into a coma after contracting a rare bedazzled bacteria infection. Even Jessica's chichis are frowning at this look.
That dress has achieved the impossible by looking both slutty and frumpy. It's like a whory memaw's freakum dress. That dress is such a slut that it even comes with its own STD. Or maybe that shit on her dress is a sparkly green fungus only found in the enchanted forest or rotten eggs laid by a gay trout. I don't know what it is, but I do know the free clinic should quarantine it and treat it with a topical ointment.
And Jessica made that mess look even worse by standing next to the epitome of glamorous perfection Bernadette Peters. Who let her do that and why do they hate Jessica so much?
Anyway, here's a bunch of pictures from last night's TONYs. In order: Jessica Cheststains with Bernadette Peters, Ellen Barkin (whose hairline should be studied by the Unexplained Mysteries people), Judith Light, Ricky Martin, NPH with his partner, Sheryl Crow, Amanda Seyfried, BP, Clair Huxtable, a pug in Endora drag, Stockard Channing, Audra McDonald, Linda Lavin and Hugh Jackmeoff with his feathered beard.