BABIES!!!

The Duggar family added another BABY!!! to their unstoppable child army last night. The oldest Duggar child, Joshua, and his wife, Ann, are now the parents of a brand new baby friend they named Mackynzie Renée Duggar. Mackynzie (pronounced: SAVE ME) is the first Duggar grandchild. Mackynzie's grandparents, Michelle and Jim Bob, are going to have their 19th baby this spring.

It's not really news that another Duggar popped out a baby. Humans comes shooting out of a Duggar cooch on a daily basis. This time next month, I'm sure the Duggars will announce that Mackynzie is knocked up with triplets. There's something in the Kool-Aid over there and they all keep drinking it!

When you get a cramp in your uterus, it's because one of the Duggars got knocked up again. Your uterus is weeping.

Anyway, the real news it that Joshua and Anna might going after the letter "M." As you might know, Michelle and Jim Bob always give their children "J" names. This means that Joshua and Anna could do the same thing with the letter "M." NOOOOO!

All of us with "M" names should file a class-action lawsuit against the Duggars. We must protect the letter from them. If that doesn't work, I guess I can officially change my name to my junior high school nickname: Dyke-el. Thanks to the Duggars, the bullies have won.

Source: MSNBC

Top Chef's Padma Lakshmi has come down with a case of the babies. Padma's rep confirms the news to UsWeekly. They said this:

"Model, author, and Emmy-nominated Padma Lakshmi confirms that she is carrying her first child after years of struggling with endometriosis, a cause for which she has co-founded the Endometriosis Foundation of America. As a result of her condition, this pregnancy has been referred to by her physician as nothing short of a medical miracle, and due to its delicate nature, we ask/implore the press to respect Ms. Lakshmi's privacy at this time."

This is why publicists are hilarious. "Model, author, and Emmy-nominated...." HA! The next time I'm at Starbucks and they ask my name, I'm going to say, "Slut, whore, and cunt Michael K."

The rep wouldn't say who the father is, but knowing Padma the dude has grey pubic hairs and is richer than Beyonce's weavemaster (I'm looking at you, Tom Colicchio).

And you better believe that on the next season of Top Chef, the challenges will include making an amuse bouche for toddlers, a trio of baby food and a 4-course meal out of pickles and ice cream.

Here's Jude Law's latest babeh mameh, Samantha Burke, hobbling around her Pensacola, Fl neighborhood yesterday. At least they tell me this is Samantha Burke, because all I see is chichiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis! DAMN! Yeah, I know Samantha's chichis still aren't as big as even one of Aretha Franklin's nipples, but they still do the trick! If I was Samantha, I would lease my new baby out, because I wouldn't even have time to take care of her. I'd be too busy jiggling my leche bags in the mirror all day long! Yes, I'm that easy.

But seriously, baby is going to need an oxygen tank, so she doesn't get smothered. I'm sure Salma Hayek has a few laying around that she can give to Samantha.

And in other Jude news, The News of the World (via Digital Spy) says he is refusing to see Baby Sophia until he gets a DNA test. A friend said, "Jude is still very cautious about Sam and Sophia. Until he is 100% certain that she is his daughter he is only communicating through lawyers. If he is the father he will meet his obligations to the child. He is hoping for an early chance to establish that he is genuinely her dad."

This is a little weird since I thought Jude already took a DNA test before baby Sophia was born. That's why he admitted he was in fact the father? Hmm. Maybe Jude just wants an excuse to rub one off into a plastic cup while a nurse waits outside the door. The plastic cup fetish. That's a new one.

A few months ago, hos were saying that Madonna was going to marry Baby Jesus in an intimate Kabbalah ceremony. God queefed. Now, one of Vadge's biographers claims she will make Baby Jesus her third husband by the end of the year. Randy Taraborrelli told Hello! Magazine (via DM) that Vadge is planning a "lavish ceremony."

A lavish ceremony which will probably involve a dozen goats, a crucifix, a manger, flying angels and Rocco, David and Lourdes dressed as the three kings. Okay, if Madonna's wedding rivals the Crystal Cathedral's "Glory of Easter" show, then I approve. I don't mean that.

According to Randy, Vadge has been telling friends, "He's so sweet. He checks in with me all the time. I probably should do the same, but you know me. I think he gets it now that I'm a little - shall we say --self-involved." So basically, Vadge is adopting another baby. Makes sense. And she also probably likes that he's potty-trained and doesn't talk back because his nuts haven't dropped yet.

A friend of Vadge's also added, "He respects her, that's number one. He has learned so much from her. He's amazed at how well-rounded she is, the way she juggles her career with her life as a mother, for instance. He understands that she's self-involved, too. Of course, the sex between them is scorching hot. To be candid, it's what's driving things."

This is obviously a case of dickmatization gone too far! I realize that Baby Jesus' toddler dick makes Vadge's octogenarian cooch feel young again, but there's no reason to put a ring on it. A cock ring, yes. A wedding ring, no. Vadge might love money more than she loves herself, so why would she want to put her checking account in danger by marrying Baby Jesus? Fuck with the dick, but don't fuck with your money!

Jude Law became a papa je'e for the fourth time earlier this week, and he just doesn't have the time to give a quick hello to his new baby friend. A source tells the Telegraph that Jude is busy doing acting shit on Broadway in Hamlet and can't fly all the way to the distant land known as Florida to visit baby Sophia. The source went to blurt out, "Sadly, Jude will not be able to see Sophia until he finishes work on Hamlet on Broadway in December."

But another friend said that Jude is hearing that his fuck time partner turned baby mama, Samantha Burke, is planning to sell her story and he wants nothing to do with it. Jude is afraid that the media will attack him like KFed attacking a refrigerator if he goes down there. The friend said, "Jude thinks that if he goes to Florida immediately, it will be a media circus. He doesn't see why he should give the paparazzi the pleasure."

You know, I doubt Samantha cares if Jude makes like his hairline and disappears. Methinks that Samantha only cares about one visitor making an appearance every single month: a fucking check from Jude! Truuuuuth!

Julie Chen, the robot overlord of Big Brother and main teleprompter reader on The Early Show, gave birth to her first BABY!!! this morning in Los Angeles. Julie and her husband, the HBIC of CBS Les Moonves, gave him the normal human name of Charlie Moonves.

And we've got another baby...... Bitches be having BABIES everywhere! To the left, to the right, above us, below us...EVERYWHERE! If you're walking down the street, don't be surprised if a baby falls on your head. If you're at the store, don't flinch when a baby jumps out at you in the milk section. And you might want to keep scuba equipment next to your bed, because we will all be drowning in amniotic fluid soon.

VIA THR

Jude Law's one-time fuck friend, Samantha Burke, gave birth to their daughter. Yes, EVERYONE is giving birth. I'm a little scared, because my stomach has been all kinds of wonky since this morning. I figured it was just the breakfast burrito and Pop Tart I devoured, but since everyone is shooting out a baby, I'm concerned. If a baby head pops out of my no-no, I am officially quitting this bitch! Anyishouldstarttakingbirthcontrol....

People confirms that 24-year-old Samantha birthed Jude's latest child support recipient last night. One of Samantha's friends said, "I doubt Jude was there. Besides the financial support, he's not involved."

Jude and Samantha met last year while he was in NYC shooting Sherlock Holmes. It was supposed to be one of those "bang and bounce" type situations, but since they decided to do that shit raw, they made a baby! This newest baby friend is Jude Law's fourth. He already has three chirruns with Sadie Frost.

Samantha has reportedly named her daughter Sophia, which is short for SophiaWantsHerCheckJude!

Poppin' babies is the theme of September, so Ellen Pompeo joined the club by having her own a few days ago in Los Angeles. Ellen's rep tells UsWeekly that she had a baby girl on September 15th named Stella Luna Pompeo Ivery.

Stella Luna is Ellen and Chris Ivery's first child together.

Stellaluna is also the name of a kiddie book about a bat who is raised by birds. Xtina's bat baby future soulmate was just born!

Not only is Stellaluna the name of a cartoon bat with crack eyes and an uncontrollable tongue, but it also sounds like the name of a light beer. I approve.

This time it's a two-headed cow! Really, I can't!

People says that Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. have a brand new BABY!!! friend they named Charlotte Grace Prinze. The name is actually normal and purdy-sounding, but then they just had to go there. Oh, yes. Their rep said this: "The family is over the moon."

AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Why the hell are they taking Baby Charlotte over a giant bare ass when she just got to Earth?! You aren't supposed to travel that soon. Read your parenting books, Sarah Michelle and Freddie!

But if you must throw your asses over the moon, I'm sure Scooby Doo and Scrappy Doo will gladly watch Baby Charlotte while you're away. They owe you for dragging you into the giant mess that was Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed.

It's the season of swollen everything, so I wouldn't be surprised if Anna Kournikova is knocked up with Enrique Iglesias' baby. Fertile cum is in the air! The New York Daily News claims that Anna didn't participate in the Malibu Triathlon last week, because she's got a 2-month-old fetus hanging out in her body.

Yes, they are still together after all these centuries. I know, I had to Google it for proof.

I know Enrique got his mole chewed off a while ago, but I hope his baby inherits it. Because let's be real, we need more mole babies.

VIA Showbiz Spy