Bea Arthur

Before the late and oh-so-great Bea Arthur was an earth angel and international treasure, she was a truck driving marine who went by her birth name Bernice Frankel. Even in her afterlife, Bea Arthur is finding ways to capture more real estate in my heart and it's working! But if you ever asked Bea Arthur about her marine days, she'd firmly shake her head NO and remember your face so that she can slap it after you pass through the gates of heaven. The Smoking Gun documented Bea Arthur's 30 months with the marines starting in 1943. For whatever reason, Bea has always denied serving in the armed forces and took it to HER GRAVE!!!!

Bea enlisted in the marines in 1943 after she found out there were positions for women available. Bea was one of the first members of the Women's Reserve and she started out as a typist, but also worked as a truck driver for a little while. Bea worked her way up to staff sergeant before she was honorably discharged (FYI: All of Bea's discharges were honorable, thankyouverymuch) in 1945. There's two really good parts in The Smoking Gun's story. The first being that during enlistment interviews officials found Arthur to be a know-it-all hard bitch who spits on authority. Can you tell from the "Don't Fuck With Me, Boys" smirk she's throwing in the picture above?

As part of the enlistment process, Arthur underwent interviews that resulted in the production of “personality appraisal” sheets. One such analysis described her conversation as “Argumentative” and her attitude and manner as “Over aggressive.” In a handwritten note, the Marine interviewer remarked, “Officious--but probably a good worker--if she has her own way!”

Now that is the Dorothy Zbornak we all pray to before we go to bed! And the second good part involves an STD!

The military records, released in response to a Freedom of Informaton Act request, include a single “misconduct report” filed against Arthur while she was stationed at the Marine Corps Air Station in Cherry Point, North Carolina. That misconduct determination stemmed from Arthur’s contracting of a venereal disease, which left her “incapacitated for duty” for five weeks in late-1944. As a result, her pay was reduced for that period.

Bea was married at the time so don't you call her Sgt. Dirty Slut! No, really, don't, because then Blanche Devereaux will get pissed off since that title rightfully belongs to her.

Nobody really knows why Bea refused to acknowledge that she was once a truck driving marine. Shit, if I was a truck driving marine, I'd shout it everywhere and anywhere. But who knows and who cares. Bea has her reasons and that's good enough for me. Below is Bea denying her military life during an interview with the TV Academy.

I LOVE IT! I love that right after the women asks her about it, Bea slightly turns her head and thinks to herself: "THIS NOSY BITCH. May she never enjoy cheesecake again!" And I don't think she did. The cheesecake curse!

This is my only comment:

Okay, okay, Bea Arthur rolled around with Peta while she was alive, so I'm sure she co-signs this ad (I think). I just needed an excuse to use that GIF.

P.S. - Doesn't Peta know that there isn't any real chicken in a McNugget?

via Gothamist

Farrah Fawcett and Bea Arthur were both left out of the In Memoriam Oscar montage last night. Should I call the police about this illegal activity or do you want to handle this? Or is the Fail Whale already on his way?!

Farrah and Bea are primarily known for being goddesses of TV, but they both have several films credits. Farrah was in Myra Breckinridge, Logan's Run, Dr. T and the Women and Extremeties! You know you still stop in your tracks every time Extremeties comes on TV at 3 in the morning. As for Bea, I shouldn't even have to explain why she should have been included. Whenever one has the chance to showcase Bea Arthur's precious face on a giant screen, they should take it NO MATTER WHAT! It's just common sense.

Radar asked the rep for the Oscars Leslie Unger what she had to say about snubbing the shiniest stars in heaven, and this was her answer: "It is highly unlikely that we forgot about Farrah Fawcett but we unfortunately don't include everyone each year. There are many angles that are looked at as to who to include and unfortunately we don't include everyone."

Bruce Davis, the executive producer of the Oscars, added this: “It is the single most troubling element of the Oscar show every year. Because more people die each year than can possibly be included in that segment. You are dropping people who the public knows. It’s just not comfortable.”

Leslie and Bruce will regret this dearly when their hair FAILS to flip and a piece of cheesecake FAILS to taste delicious.

86-year-old (300 in Hollywood years) living legend Bea Arthur was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame last night in Beverly Hills. There's a major mistake in that last sentence that I didn't do on purpose, but I'm going to keep it, because it sounds so much hotter and more appropriate than the Academy Of Television Arts And Sciences' Hall Of Fame.

Bea was finally honored for being one of the hottest bitches in the TV game. I'm still waiting for her to be inducted into the Greatest People on Earth Hall of Fame. This was a long time coming for Bea. It should have happened hundreds of years ago, because who doesn't have room in their heart area for Bea Arthur?

Betty White and Rue McClanahan couldn't make it, because Wednesday is their "Hunt for Peen" night and they can't miss that. I'm sure Estelle Getty was raising her glass of Metamucil to Bea from heaven.

Even though her fellow Golden Girls weren't there, plenty of others came out to celebrate with Bea including Angela Lansbury, Florence Henderson, Sherwood Schwartz and Doris Roberts.

Doesn't this post of oldies make you feel as young as a fetus?