Love & Handjobs

There's a few things you should no before you truthfully answer that question. This dude probably lives in a room in his grandparents house. He most likely works part-time in the storage room at a Blockbuster near his house. He eats his own semen, so he can keep his jizz count up and doesn't lose any unborn babies. He loves to spank his nalgas while he's spanking his little Jedi warrior (that's totally what he calls it) . He likes to wear diapers and isn't ashamed to admit it. He wears briefs. He "poos" in his pants sometimes. And don't even ask me what he does with all those action figures in the background. The places they've been....

So if you haven't passed out, checked yourself into the nearest hospital or barfed up all your insides yet, what's it going to be? As for me, I'd hit it. WELL, he'd clean up afterwards!

VIA Buzzfeed

While I'm still coherent, I just want to thank all of you whores for dealing with my ass this year. If I could give all of you a handjob while feeding you Mother's Circus Animal Cookies, I would. And I would do it with love.

I was going to do a whole post toasting my favorite crap from 2008, but honestly, I tried to stay drunk and stoned through most of the year, so I don't remember that much. And seriously, who fucking cares? Let's just hope 2009 is filled with many more beautiful gifts like Spaghetti Cat, Rojo Caliente, The Shiba Inu 6, Mah Boo, Kim Zolciak's back alley wig, c-word slips, Chicken Cutlets, The Empress of Lucite, La Pequeña, etc.... Oh shit. I just listed some of my favorite things. I have a genius memory!

Anyihopeiblackouttonight, Happy New Whore to everyone! Get drunk and get dicked!