Over The Moon

Tiffani Thiessen (aka always Kelly Kapowski to me) is going to have one of those baby things with her husband Brady Smith. And guess what? Kelly is so damn happy that she busted out a massive fart of joy which skyrocketed her over Earth's moon. I would expect that kind of talk from Screech, but not our Kelly. She issued this statement to People:

"We are over the moon! It's something we've wanted for a long time and we are thrilled that it's actually happening."

I can forgive and forget if Kelly names her child Zack Attack Jr. But only then!

This time it's a two-headed cow! Really, I can't!

People says that Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. have a brand new BABY!!! friend they named Charlotte Grace Prinze. The name is actually normal and purdy-sounding, but then they just had to go there. Oh, yes. Their rep said this: "The family is over the moon."

AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Why the hell are they taking Baby Charlotte over a giant bare ass when she just got to Earth?! You aren't supposed to travel that soon. Read your parenting books, Sarah Michelle and Freddie!

But if you must throw your asses over the moon, I'm sure Scooby Doo and Scrappy Doo will gladly watch Baby Charlotte while you're away. They owe you for dragging you into the giant mess that was Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed.

The latest pair of astronauts to go where every celebwhore who has every had a baby goes are David Boreanaz and his wife Jaime Berman. The two welcomed their second oxygen-stealer into this world yesterday. Right before she popped, Jaime told People, "We've been trying to have another baby for a couple of years now so we are beyond excited. We're over the moon.”

Speaking of, David and Jaime's baby just might try to fart her way all the way to the moon when she realizes what her parents named her. David and Jaime named their baby girl Bardot Vita Boreanaz.

Bardot's 7-year-old brother will grab on to her when she busts out of there, because his name is Jaden Rayne. Bardot Vita and Jaden Rayne! I don't know if they sound like the members of an early 90s R&B girl group or the stars of a late-night Cinemax movie.

It's been pretty quiet on the "Over the Moon" front and I was beginning to think that maybe that horrific phrase slide back into the mouth of Satan where it belongs forever. No, it's alive and it's made a comeback thanks to stupid asses SJP and Matthew Broderick. And you thought moon jumping was only for cows! Damn them.

As some of your asses may know, SJP and Matthew's surrogate gave birth to twinsies last night and now we know their names!

"Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are delighted to announce the healthy arrival of their two daughters. Marion Loretta Elwell Broderick weighed 5 pounds, 11 ounces, and Tabitha Hodge Broderick weighed 6 pounds. Both Hodge and Elwell are family names on Parker's side. The babies are doing beautifully and the entire family is over the moon."

Based on those names, I'm guessing the surrogate gave birth to twin crotchety old memaws who sit on their porch all day yelling at the neighborhood kids for trampling all over their petunias. BENJAMIN BUTTON'S SHIT for real! Those names smell like boiled prunes, corn starch and Polident.

Marion Loretta Elwell and Tabitha Hodge are probably OVER for their parents for giving them a couple of names that only belong on a social security check.

VIA E! News

It's on a fucking cover! Oh, by "it" I mean "over the moon" and not Jennifer Aniston. But the "IT" nickname still belongs to Vadge. Forever and always.

Anyimabouttokickacow, can you believe this shit? This week, I'm going to have to steer clear from drug and grocery stores, because if I see this hateful shit in person, I may call 911 three times. Using "over the moon" is an emergency! The crazy McNugget bitch put ideas in my head.

And if Jenny and John spawned, the moon would fucking explode. Wait. That would end this "over the moon" madness!

VIA Cover Awards

Anne Hathaway said IT. And she said it last night to Babwa Wawa. Anne using the dreaded OTM didn't surprise me, because earlier in the interview she said coke was never a "horse she got on." So bitch is a fan of old timey talk. That's the way the theater fags talked in high school and I bet Anne was one of those. The type who do their "rubber baby buggy bumper" exercises in the hallways and said shit like "cheese and crackers" instead of Jesus Christ! We never would have been friends.

And I seriously slapped my monitor when that OTM mess came out of her mouth. It's at the 7:35 mark in the video above. Anne Hathaway is now on notice. And to think that I thought she had one of the hottest dress of the night. Not any fucking more. I want to throw her and that dress under the moon.

EVIL SQUARED! Fishsticks Paltrow on Cuntplay's Grammy win:

"I was over the moon because those guys work so hard. They're so, so dedicated, and they bleed, sweat and cry to get it all perfect."

The things I hate the most are together and it hurts. The only thing that could make this worse is if Fishy, Katherine HAGel and CHERYL BURKE said this quote in unison while wearing Crocs in front of a mountain of UGGS. If that happened, a black hole under my chair would open up and suck me into the depths of Hell.

And when fugly Fishy makes her way over the moon again, can she take this milk with her? Tell her it's organic and made from GOOP. It will fit perfectly down her throat, so it will be easy to transport. I measured.

(Thanks Michele & Linda)

Another bitch has just jumped over that overused moon. Call the damn fire department to get that bitch down, so we can slap her with a pancake for using that phrase. Yes, Geri Halliwell is engaged and she told her friend, "I am over the moon. We are so happy. He constantly makes me smile. I could not be happier."

If my friend told me that, I'd push her off her chair and quit that bitch. The government needs to set up some kind of camp over the damn moon for bitches to go and stay there forever if they say that shit. Go over the stupid moon and don't leave.

So, 36-year-old Geri is engaged to Italian yacht tycoon Fabrizio Politi. Italian yacht tycoon?! Is this a fucking Jackie Collins novel? Is Geri going to change her name to Lucky? She should.

Geri and Fabby (that's totally what his boyfriends call him) have only been dating for two months. They might last month at a club in Florence. Geri's spokeswhore confirms they are promised to be married, but said they aren't making wedding plans anytime soon. The Daily Mirror (via Press Association) says Fabby gave Geri a £220,000 diamond engagement ring.

Geri's friend also added, "Geri is desperate for another brother or sister for her daughter, and to have a man in her life who can be a father to them. It feels right and they are both very happy."

Um. By the looks of her new man, I think her daughter does have a new sister. Fabby looks like his tongue has done laps around the peen once or twice. And she already has two men in her life! Are Scary Spice and Sporty Spice chop liver? Rude!

But I will raise my mug of Sanka to Geri this morning, because it sounds like Fabby shits gold (along with glitter). I say, get that ring, get that money and get out!

Here's Geri, her daughter Bluebell Madonna (HA!) and Fabby buying oranges in London the other day.

Even 26-year-old rising fashion stars who designed Michelle Obama's inauguration dress punch us in the heart by using "over the moon." Yes, Jason Wu told the New York Times, “I was over the moon. I know I am an unusual choice for a first lady. I didn’t think it was my turn yet.”

When can we throw the phrase "over the moon" over the moon so it can never return. Isn't the moon sick of whores jumping over it? What about "over the dildo"? Or "over the peen"? Or "over the Spaghetti Cat"? Or "over Kristie Alley's bare nalgas"? Anything!

(Thanks Andrea)

Here is case #3,457,485 of a bitch using the phrase "over the moon" to describe a new part of their life. It's my duty to keep track of this kind of overused fuckery.

This one comes from Sarah Palin. She issued this statement yesterday about the birth of her new grandkiddie Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston: "We are over the moon with the arrival of this healthy, beautiful baby. The road ahead for this young couple will not be easy, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy."

Wait. If this came from Sarah Plain, shouldn't they be "over the dead moose"?

Thanks Michael