Open Post

Look! Miss Bliss gained some chunk, got a dyke haircut and fell in love with Screech! I knew those two had love in their eyes for each other. I'm not going to lie. I thought it that was Dustin Diamond (with Jakey Poo's droopy eyes) for a quick second. And then I felt faint picturing Gayken getting a Dirty Sanchez from Screech. Some shit (literally) you just don't want to imagine. Anycaca, Gayken and his Screech-looking man are here to host this open post for you. Whatever you do, don't lick his finger. Leave that to the Claymates.

But I will lick his finger as punishment for forgetting Dlisted's birthday today. I am the worst mother ever. The Shiba Inu 6 can drag my "Mother of the Year" plaque away, because I am just fucking terrible. One of my friends is the one to tell me today is Dlisted's 4th birthday. Yes, the mess started 4 years ago. Oh how times flies when you're being cunty.

Let's all raise a glass of Andre and wish Dlisted a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Thanks for bringing all us cold-hearted whores with no morals together!

It's been much too long since international supermodel and silver screen star Phoebe Price has graced us with her chicken cutlets. Dlisted and Robertson Blvd. have been so lonely and cold without her. PP knows this, so she brings us gifts to make up for her absence. You see, the Claire's of the poultry world has been keeping her glue gun busy by making hats! Yes, she's moved on from bedazzling toddler belts you wear around your head to creating one-of-a-kind art pieces for your head. This is some Blossom shit DONE RIGHT. I can't wait to buy my very own original PP Chicken Hat in the black label section at the swap meet.

Anyway, PP dressed in Garbage Pail Kids Chic to host this open post for you. Nibble on a chicken wing and rant away!

Anybody who reads my shit on a semi-regular basis knows my crazy fascination with EYEBROWS. If you're a chick, it's the first thing I look at it. If you're a dude, I look at the peen area first and then the eyebrow area. Because of this, these pictures have been forwarded to my inbox at least ten hundred thousand million times. That's a lowball figure too. I'm sure you've seen them the same amount of times, if not more.

So, let's keep the eyebrow worship going. It is your duty to send all these pictures to everyone in your address book every day this week! If you don't, your eyebrows will fall off in your sleep tonight. They will be ashamed to be associated with you and quit your ass. Yes, your friends may break up with you, but what's more important? Friendships or eyebrows? The answer is hanging over your eyes.

P.S. - Open post = Talk about whatever the fuck you want!

This video is basically just a pussy playing with some PUPPIES!!!, but add some thrilllllling music and you've got a scene out of The Matrix! The Catrix! In this clip, Neo (or Meo as Urlesque calls him) battles a group of evil Agent Smith puppies. Honestly, this shit is better than The Matrix. Meo has more charisma than Keanu Reeves. They should make a whole movie starring this spazzy puss. The puppies also made me think of the Shiba Inu 6 (never forget).

This is an open post where you can talk about slow-mo pussies, PUPPIES!!! or whatever else you want. I'll start: Is it gross to rinse and reuse floss? I'm just asking! I don't do that, but I think my abuelita did. I think. She reused everything! Even yogurt cups. Every day I would drink my morning orange juice out of a washed out plastic yogurt cup.

If you are the owner of a beautiful pair of backwards eyebrows, why would you hide them by painting them in? That's what Raven did last night before she went out in DC. This saddens me. She should wear her bald spot eyebrows with pride. That coat however needs be thrown back into the moth's nest. Where is a crazy French flour bomber when you need them? And maybe they would have gotten a little flour on her eyebrows so she had to wipe that pencil off. RAVEN, STOP HIDING THOSE BEAUTIES!!!

Raven's eyebrows are here to host your open party. This is where you can talk about all kinds of shit (even shit). Noooooo topic!

You know, Slash is basically telling me to "fuck off" by wearing his cell phone on his waist band. The middle finger is not necessary. Seriously, why is Slash doing this to me?! He is killing me with that shit. This is worse than Axl Rose's fuckery. Rock whores should not be doing this shit. Put that mess in your pocket or in your ass cheeks. Or something! Just not on the waistband! That said, I'd still hit it. But only from the back, because I couldn't look at that shit on his waistband. And you know Slash is the type to not even pull his pants down. He just stick his peen through the fly hole. He's a romantic.

Anyway, here's Slash and his family arriving in Utah today for that Sundance shit. Talk about him or anything else you want. There's no topic. Get drunk and rant away!

Okay whores, there's a laaaaaady in our presence so curtsy and don't bring up any nasty shit! You can only talk about the finer things in life, because the Empress of Lucite's pure eyes and ears must remain innocent. Okay, if you're going to rant about grossness, then preface it with the word "elegant." Here's an example: "Ewww! I just dropped the most elegant menstrual raisin." By the way, I didn't drop a period raisin. My friend wrote that to me on AIM. I don't even want to know... But I am sure I've pushed out a period nugget at least once in my life. The things that come out of there...

Shauna Sand's dick bag ex-husband and Fabio are crashing this post, so just ignore them. But before you do that, is one of Fabio's hos Amanda from Momma's Boys? I can't fucking tell, but I think it might be. After you examine that, rant away! Anything goes in this thread.

What I have here for you is an ad from Durex featuring a trio of horny ass condoms doggies getting it on in various positions. They 69, they hit it from the back, the do the reverse cowgirl, they pull a train, etc..etc.. Nasty rubberfuckers! It's kind of cute.....in a sexy time kind of way.

So...you can talk about how uncomfortable you feel because these condom doggies are making your genitals twitch or you can rant about whatever else you want. Everything is on topic because there is no topic. And now I have to go run circles in my living room, because I've had 15 cups of coffee today.

VIA Best Week Ever

I am all kinds of wrong for the thoughts that passed through my head while watching this sweet innocent hamster swallow a tiny carrot in a matter of seconds. I am not right in the head. The church was right. Just for that I'll be forced to join the glory hole clean-up crew in Hell.

It's that time of day where you can converse freely about whatever while others silently judge you. You can talk about how this hamster eating a carrot looks just like my dream from a couple of nights ago where my unwaxed no-no swallowed Carrot Top's stick. WHY?! Why does the devil make me write such garbage? Anyway, I'm gonna go dip my head in bleach (I do that anyway because of the crabs) while you rant amongst yourselves.

VIA Buzzfeed

Allow me to correct myself. This is what Vogue meant by "daring jumpsuits" (see below). This hot piece right here is Mr. Motivator. I guess he's like the UK version of Richard Simmons, but way more fashion-forward and just 5.3% less gay. The only thing he's motivating me to do is to touch myself to those amazingly hot double socks and shoe laces. I'd wear this whole outfit every day, but I don't have the chesticles for it. And is it just me or does he kind of look like the dad from Sister, Sister?

Anyway, this is an open post where you can open your legs and expel whatever the fuck you want. Everything is off-topic. Eveeeeerything. Rant away! But touch yourself really quick to Mr. Motivator first. It's a requirement.