Try The Jello

In case you were wondering what Nicole Richie is up to today, homegirl is laid up in a hospital bed with pneumonia. Cut to the pap she has a restraining order out on holding a voodoo doll made out of toothpicks.....

Last week, Nicole denied that she had a case of the Tori Spellings. It looks like she had pneumonia all along. Nicole's rep issued this statement to UsWeekly: "Nicole has checked into Ceders Sinai where she is being treated for pneumonia. She is doing well."

And Nicole will be doing a lot better as soon as she takes a heaping serving of this (YES, this is REAL news):

via Lindsay Robertson

While you're sitting in your cubicle today and praying to the gods for a permanently hard dick and/or a fully packed bong to fall in your lap, say an extra prayer for Charo. Charo is BROKEN! Seeing Charo limp through Beverly Hills yesterday makes me want to slap a Gopher!

This means that Charo can't fully thrust her crotch bone and flex her chesticles. Sad. If Charo can't coochie coochie coo, your own coochie isn't going to even bother getting out of bed anymore. And if your coochie stops coo-ing, what's the point of anything?

75-year-old Rue McClanahan was supposed to grace the stage of San Francisco's The Castro on November 14th, but she was forced to cancel that date after her heart started giving her trouble. Don't weep into the cheesecake just yet, because Rue is doing much better. Rue's rep told EW that she underwent bypass surgery in New York yesterday and is expected to make a full recovery.

Rue went into see the doctor for a routine examine on Monday and he diagnosed her with acute cardiac illness. Rue had this to say from her hospital room (picture her in a marabou robe with a glass of champagne and soft frosty lighting on her perfectly made-up face): "My darlings, I'm just devastated that I am going to have to miss my own tribute at the Castro Theatre. Unfortunately, my doctor has laid down the law, and I'm currently having some maintenance on the old ticker. Trust me, I'd much rather be in San Francisco having fun and being adored by all of you."

This is good to hear, because heaven cannot take two Golden Girls in the span of one year. That is a commandment for God. Thou Shalt Not!

(Thanks to Blair for the headline)

The clouds are making sad faces this morning because the candy apple of the world's eye, Harvey Price, is in the hospital with a possible case of swine flu. This is serious business because Harvey doesn't do too well when he's got the ills. Harvey is partially blind and suffers from severe autism. Katie Price's rep said that he's doing "very poorly."

Katie was off pimping her book out, but she immediately rushed to be with Harvey, as did Peter Andre. Katie's rep also said: "Katie is very frantic. You would assess a normal child at home, but in Harvey's case as soon as he gets ill he has to go to hospital. Katie is preparing to take time off work until Harvey is well."

Most of the papers/tabloids are saying that Harvey being in the hospital is bringing Katie and Peter back together, but who really gives a dick about them! Instead of wasting keystrokes on Katie and Peter, we should be sending lil' Harvey good thoughts (delivered by a puppy wearing a bunny costume). And if I see a pig today, I swear I'm going to kick it for doing this to Harvey.

Source: The Sun

Some of you may be feeling the pain this morning because you lost an organ (or two) during your weekend of debauchery. Well, shake and bake it off, because you could be laying up in the hospital with an E. coli infection like Elton John.

The Daily Mail reports that Elton was hospitalized over the weekend with a bad case of E. coli bacterial infection and the flu. ACK! We must all refrain from making ten million raw chicken jokes.

Because Elton has the ills, he's been forced to cancel a bunch of concerts in the UK and the United States. Hopefully, Elton will be back on stage in two weeks.

Elton's partner David Furnish said he was out of the hospital and doing well. Elton's rep issued this statement: "He is recovering from a case of serious influenza with minor complications. We are confident he will be back on stage in the near future."

Those of you who wanted to send flowers should send a balloon basket instead, because I'm sure a dozen floral shops have already moved into Elton's house. Git well soon, Elton!

Earlier this week, Andrew Lloyd Webber announced that he's about to go to battle with prostate cancer, and now Dennis Hopper is basically echoing the same statement. A manager for 73-year-old Dennis tells the AP that he's been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Dennis is currently undergoing a special treatment at the University of California, so all of his work commitments have been put on pause.

Dennis just finished work on the second season of the Starz series Crash and he was supposed to fly over to Australia this week to attend an exhibition of his art at the Centre for the Moving Image in Melbourne. Of course, that's been canceled now.

Dennis' manager said that he was hospitalized last month after he got a case of the thirsties and his stomach wouldn't stop acting like a real asshole. His manager added that everyone is hoping for the best, but he wouldn't exactly say what Dennis' current condition is.

Send a good thought or two Dennis' way. It's best if the thought is delivered by a fluffy kitten with a bow on its ear.

Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber will take a break from working on the sequel to Phantom of the Opera to undergo treatment for prostate cancer. Sir Andrew's rep told the BBC that they caught the cancer in its early stages. His rep added that he will be back to work by the end of the year.

Next year will be a busy year for Sir Andrew. He will be the head judge on a reality show searching for the next Dorothy and Toto to star in a revival of The Wizard of Oz in the West End. And the sequel to Phantom called Love Never Dies is expected to open in London this February.

I'm sure it won't be long before Sir Andrew is back to composing songs for me to sing around my apartment while cleaning on a Sunday afternoon. My version of "Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat" (accompanied by my dog's cries for mercy and the vacuum cleaner) boggles minds...and busts ear drums.

Morrissey is in the hospital after he collapsed during one of his shows in Swindon tonight. Witnesses say that Morrissey wasn't looking too hot when he first took the stage. After he performed his first song "This Charming Man," he dropped to the ground and was carried off by medical personnel. A little while later, the audience was told that Morrissey had "left the building." When their asses started booing, the announcer added that Morrissey "was very ill."

The Telegraph reports that the paramedics were told that a 50-year-old man was having trouble breathing and was unconscious When they arrived, Morrissey was conscious but not feeling well. He was immediately taken to the hospital.

A rep for the hospital issued this statement: "Morrissey has been admitted to the Great Western Hospital. He is being reviewed by the medical staff and his condition is stable."

Morrissey is currently in the middle of a world tour. He already canceled several dates due to illness.

My gotholita (gotha + cholita) cousin's sanity depends on Morrissey's health, so hopefully he's going to bounce right out of that hospital very soon. Morrissey just needs to put the work on pause, and lay down with some Sleepytime Tea and a movie starring talking animals.

Pete "Dreamboat" Doherty must have overdone it during his morning breathing exercises (aka hyperventilating into a crack pipe) yesterday, because he's landed himself in the hospital! NME says that Dreamy has canceled all of his dates in Ireland after he had trouble breathing.

Dreamy's was supposed to perform tonight, but a homeless ex-junkie who recites poetry about UFOs will go on in his place. Dreamy's spokeswhore/probation officer said, "Last night Peter Doherty was admitted to Swindon Hospital with exhaustion and breathing difficulties. He is currently under observation by doctors."

DREAMY! You're supposed to take breaks in between breathing into your pipe! Breathe, break, snort, breathe, break, snort, breathe, break, snort....

Poor thing. If I was there, I'd give him mouth to no-no. Yes, my no-no would take me to court and file butthole abuse charges against me, but it would be worth it to get Dreamy better again.

(Image: Bauer Griffin)

Entertainment Tonight is saying that 73-year-old Dennis Hopper was rushed to the hospital in NYC today. According to them, Dennis was brought in by an ambulance and was wearing an oxygen mask. One witness said they saw a lot of tubes around him. That's all the info they have for now.

Since summer is over, I'm going to choose to believe that Dennis is perfectly fine. Maybe he just really loves the chocolate pudding there and was in the mood for some.

I will update when there's a little more information.

UPDATE: Dennis' publicist says he has been hospitalized after suffering flu-like symptoms.