Try The Jello

WCNC (via TMZ) reports that Fantasia is laid up in a hospital bed today after she swallowed one too many dolls last night. Sources say that Fanny is currently being treated and is in stable condition at a hospital in North Carolina. The source also adds that Fantasia was never in danger of skipping on the cloudy pathway to the afterworld where sweat doesn't exist.

The source isn't sure what kind of pills Fantasia swallowed up and they also didn't know if she did it on purpose or if it was an accident. This may or may not have something to do with the wife of Fantasia's piece filing papers last week claiming that her husband has been stepping out on her with Fanny. The wife also said Fanny and her husband made several fuck tapes. Fanny had this to say for herself at the time:

“Fantasia will weather this storm with the dignity and grace that she has exemplified throughout a life in which she has repeatedly overcome obstacles and challenges. Fantasia’s faith in God, herself and family remain as strong as ever.”

FANNY! You said you would weather this storm with dignity and grace! Not Vicodin and Percocet. Although, I have been known to give my painkillers nicknames like Dignity and Grace. Good thoughts to Fantasia.

UPDATE: Fantasia's rep issued a really long statement to TMZ which includes the date of her next album as well as the lyrics to one of her songs. Fanny's rep got deep.

He says that the lawsuit got to Fantasia and she accidentally overdosed on Aspirin and a sleeping pill. He says that Fantasia believed that her married boyfriend left his wife a while ago. Here's a small piece of the statement:

Fantasia read Mrs. Cook’s Complaint against Mr. Cook for the first time yesterday. She knows some of the allegations in Mrs. Cook's complaint are totally false. There are others she strongly doubts. There is plenty she does not know.

Fantasia is heartbroken and is sorry for any pain she may have caused.

Yesterday, she was totally overwhelmed by the lawsuit and the media attention. Last night, Fantasia was hospitalized. She took an overdose of aspirin and a sleep aid.

Her injuries are not life threatening. She was dehydrated and exhausted at the time. Fantasia is stable now. She will be released from the hospital soon. Fantasia is a fighter and a survivor. This is not the hardest thing Fantasia has endured.

Everybody gather in a circle and touch areolas (don't worry the rash on mine cleared up), because we need to pray the chichi gods that Queen Aretha will soon be back in full form! ABC News reports that Queen Aretha was forced to cancel two concerts in Brooklyn scheduled for this weekend after she fell down in the tub. You better not make any jokes about how she tripped on her nipple or how you're going to send condolence cards to the bath tub's family. DON'T!

Aretha is now recovering at home. The organizer for the Brooklyn dates said he is hoping Aretha reschedules for the fall.

Fluff up a chichi, rest your head and get better, Aretha!

(Thanks Mel)

93-year-old Zsa Zsa Gabor broke her hip bone a week ago when she tried to answer her phone while watching Jeopardy. Alex Trebek better have sent Zsa Zsa a dozen white flowers in a crystal vase with pink rhinestones on the bottom. It's the least he can do. Well, Zsa Zsa had her hip replaced and things were looking up-ish. But Zsa Zsa's publicist is saying today that the white feather boa is turning grey, because doctors have now listed her in critical condition. They suspect that she had a stroke during surgery.

Zsa Zsa's publicist went on to say that her eyes are open, but she's completely unresponsive.

So when you're taking your Calgon bath tonight add a few limited-edition touches in honor of Zsa Zsa. Put on all your costume jooree, light a special prayer candle on your plastic candelabra from Big Lots and sip Andre from your full bottle goblet. Or you just slap a bitch who gives you shade. Tell them it's for Zsa Zsa and they should understand.

Blame Alex Trebek for this. Zsa Zsa Gabor's rep tells E! news that the 93-year-old icon of glamour has been hospitalized after she broke at least one bone during a fall at her Bel Air home last night. Zsa Zsa was watching her favorite show Jeopardy when she fell out of her bed while trying to answer the phone (you know her phone looks like this).

The answer is: Picking up a telephone.
The question is: What a refined lady of class like Zsa Zsa Gabor should not be doing, Alex.

Zsa Zsa's husband Prince von Anhalt told CNN that she broke a hip during the fall. Zsa Zsa is currently listed in serious condition at UCLA Medical Center, but her publicist said that she's still laughing and making jokes. Her publicist also said that she's pretty much been bedridden and wheelchair bound for the past 8 years because of a car accident and a stroke.

I posted this picture of Zsa Zsa with Betty White, because Betty is the cure for everything. Here's hoping Zsa Zsa will be back to slapping tricks like a dignitary in no time.

This is why I only trust a team of professional master doms to strap me into a harness. Pink has been doing Cirque dude Soleil shit in her shows for years, so it was only a matter of time before one of those stunts put her ass in the hospital. During a concert in Germany last night, Pink's bumbling ass dancers failed to secure her in a harness correctly and she went flying directly into a barricade. You can hear Pink screaming "NO NO" like me when the free clinic technician asks me where I'm bleeding from. The BOOM is at the 0:45 mark in the video below:

Since nothing soothes a bruise like a bunch of curse words, Pink hurled a "motherfucker" or two before being shuffled off to the hospital. The show was cut short and everyone was told to go home. Pink later apologized and her Twatter and said that she's going to be fine:

To all my nurnberg fans- I am so so so sorry to end the show that way.I am embarassed and very sorry. I'm in ambulance now but I will b fine
about 16 hours ago via UberTwitter

@PinkFacts didn't get clipped in2 harness correctly,drug me off stage, fell in2 barricade. Getting xrays.I hope it at least looked cool!!!
about 16 hours ago via UberTwitter in reply to PinkFacts

Ok all my lovers out there- nothings broken, no fluid in the lungs, just seriously sore. I made that barricade my b*tch!!!! Thanx nurnberg:(
about 15 hours ago via UberTwitter

More like the harness made Pink its bitch. Seriously, you can't trust two bitches in tutus to do a master dom's job!

Not Eddie Monsoooooon! AbFab's Jennifer Saunders, the woman I would give my last drop of vodka to if she asked for it, has been battling breast cancer for the past 8 months. Don't run down to the university to get that bitch troll Saffy to open up a can of heartache just yet, because the BBC reports that Jennifer has been told by her doctors that the cancer is in remission after undergoing months of treatment.

Jennifer was recently seen at Wimbledon wearing a bandana and a wig. This caused a few nosy hos to start speculating shit.

Jennifer's rep said she won't talk about it and never will, so just leave the "Get better, sweetie darling" card from Lacroix on her doorstep and keep walking.

Jackass' Bam Margera was taken to the hospital in West Chester, PA last night after some crazed bitch with a bat bam bam bam-ed him in the back of the head. Normally if you witness this sort of shit you would think that Bam was just up to his usual tricks, but this was apparently real. TMZ says that Bam and the woman got into some sort of fight which led to her hitting him with a bat.

This happened outside of Bam's bar at around 2 this morning. The crazy bat-wielding bitch (we'll call her Pebbles) was arrested and charged with assault. Bam is in the hospital and his condition isn't known right now.

Bam has landed on his head more times than a Cyrus baby, and is more resilient than Parasite Hilton's crotch crustaceans so I'm sure he'll be fine. Hopefully. And never underestimate a lunatic bitch with an inanimate object in her hands (see Brit Brit circa 2007).

Larry King's rep confirms that his wife Shawn King overdosed on pills last month in Utah and is now recovering. On May 28th in Provo, Utah, Shawn's father called 911 after he found her in a bad way on her bed. Shawn's father told the 911 operator that he suspected she took too many anti-anxiety pills.

The Associated Press says that a police report shows that officers found a bunch of empty pill bottles in Shawn's bedroom. They also found a handwritten note from Shawn where she said that she took the pills on purpose and wanted to be buried in Utah. Shawn's father told the officers that he doesn't think Shawn was trying to take her own life.

Larry and Shawn have been going through some shit for the past few months. They both filed for divorce in April, but quickly took it back. There's also rumors that Larry is boning Shawn's sister on the down low.

Larry issued this statement through his rep: "Our marriage is still together, and I am staying very close to our children, who we love immensely. We shall go through this difficult time intact as a family."

Wait. This happened in Provo, Utah? Does Shannon Price have an alibi?

Gary Coleman was hospitalized on Wednesday afternoon in Utah after he fell and fucked up his head. Since Gary seems to always bounce back quickly, I figured it was only a matter of time before he was throwing printers at his wife and kicking nosy fans in the ankles. But unfortunately, shit has gone from serious to serious serious. Gary's manager tells E! News that he is currently in a coma and on life support. This just makes me want to scream for MRS. GARRETT!!!

Gary's manager gave the bad news in a statement released this morning: "As of mid-morning on May 27, Mr. Coleman was conscious and lucid. By early afternoon, Mr. Coleman was slipping in and out of consciousness and his condition worsened. We are saddened to announce that since mid-afternoon, Mountain Time, on May 27, 2010, Mr. Coleman has been unconscious and on life support. At this critical moment, we can only ask for your thoughts and prayers for Gary to make a speedy and full recovery."

I blame the child toucher from Diff'rent Strokes. And I also blame the audience who laughed at the child toucher's jokes.

The cheeseburger Lothario who hasn't met a bottle of well liquor he didn't fall in love with is back in the hospital after he filled his veins with enough sweet nectar to keep a Lohan family reunion going for at least a couple of hours. And just like a million times before, The Hoff's tortured 17-year-old daughter Hayley is the one who had to drag his drunk ass to the hospital.

A source tells Radar that The Hoff was on a 3-day booze binge before Hayley threw him in her trunk, drove him to the hospital and put his ass on the curb. The source went on to say that The Hoff will continue to deny that he's got a thirst for booze in a bad way, "I'm sure he'll try to deny it this time, too. And that's sad, because it's his daughter who is suffering when she has to take care of him after a bender."

Hayley's mother Pamela is also a major wreck. Pamela is fresh out of jail after spending some time there for violating her DUI probation.

Maybe this is The Hoff and Pamela's way of scaring Hayley off the bottle for life? I don't know, but I do know that if I drank a shot for every time The Hoff was hospitalized with drunkitis, I'd be lying in a bed right next to him. This is not a good look. The Hoff is probably stumbling around the house with vomit chunks hanging onto his nostril hairs and a bottle of Beefeater filled with his own pee pee in his hand. It sounds like a good look on paper, but it isn't.