Blind Items

Which mom-to-be should probably plan a DNA test for after the stork arrives? Several men are loudly insisting that the father is not who everyone assumes. (Star Magazine via Blind Gossip)

OctoSana?!!!! This might be proof.

Which star of that cable phenomenon didn’t thank her husband at the Emmys because he was fucking his female co-star on Broadway around that time? (Village Voice via Blind Gossip)

SJP? But the most shocking thing about this is Matthew Broderick doing sexy times with a bio-female? Are we sure it wasn't a really purdy dude?

This actor is C list, and has done 90% television. At one time in the not too distant past he was B list and decided to roll the dice for A list and came up empty. Since that roll of the dice it has been all downhill at a very fast rate. Even though our actor barely works, he was on a very big hit show for several years. People recognize him. He doesn't have a problem picking up women to take home. The other night he had four competing for his attention at a nightclub. A very crowded club. Instead of being a gentleman about his potential one night stand for that night, our actor said the one who took off the most clothes and got the most dirty while standing on the table would get to go home with him. All four ended up getting completely naked. This resulted in the actor and the women being asked to leave the club. When they got outside, our actor was asked who he had chosen and he replied, "None of you. I just wanted to see what you would do to fuck me." (CDAN)

Ed Asner? Jaleel White? Matt LeBlanc? David Spade? Or Jesse "Chichis" Metcalfe?

Which Sexiest Man Alive got double-teamed by a porn star and a dominatrix? Back in 2004, a dominatrix at New York club enlisted the porn star’s help in humiliating her mostly-straight client…who was kneeling down on the floor naked. The porn star recognized him immediately: “He had a muscular build and looked quite young… The dude peers up at me from the mat. I more than recognize the dude. I had seen him in countless big screen movies over the last few years. (He was also in People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive Issue 2003. Not the cover model, though). Jesus loves me! I can’t believe I get to fuck this guy. What the fuck?! I can’t believe this guy is into such a heavy scene! The second my dick enters him, he arches his back and he starts singing at the top of his lungs, “Onward Christian Soldier”. (The Sword via Blind Gossip)

This. Can't. Be. Real. Onward Christian Soldier? That is a boner breaker of a song if I ever heard one. So....after looking at who made People's list in 2003, I've narrowed down my guesses to Hugh Jackman, Hugh Grant, George Clooney and Ricky Martin? But my official guess is Hugh Jackmeoff!

This rockin’ young couple’s marriage is in big trouble but not for the obvious reasons. The cute wife has been seen out and about with a Hollywood hipster and her husband is looking to beat the guy up. Actually the hipster is NOT fooling around with the wife - he’s just providing drugs and fun. In reality the wife is secretly cheating with someone else- specifically her lookalike female assistant! She recently decided she’s bisexual. (Janet Charlton via Blind Gossip)

Miss Punk Rock Maple Syrup herself, Avril Lavigne?

Which quietly gay young actor referred to in a previous item has started hanging out with a drag queen crowd? Methinks the closet door is cracking open. (StyleList)

DanRad?! Be right back, I have to go work on my drag queen game to woo Hairy Potter's peen!

Please Xenu let this shit be real. Blind Gossip posted 3 items today and they all smell like barley water. If this is the truth, homegirl better hope the force is with her, because this shit might get dirty. At least, I hope. Here's the three items:

He’s been served! She has finally pulled the chip out of her head and has served her controlling hubby with divorce papers! And boy, is he mad!

She will file on the grounds of “Irreconcilable Differences”. The other choice would have required them to go to court, and would have just reflected poorly on both of them. Her attorneys - especially one who worked with her predecessor - have been able to work around most of the restrictions in her original pre-nuptial agreement. She did not fulfill the terms of the contract that would maximize her payout, but she will receive a sizeable chunk of change to keep quiet about his personal life and his special relationship with another high-profile man.

She had him served with documents for a “Dissolution of Contract,” not “Dissolution of Marriage”. There is no court filing yet - that’s the next step. She will be asking for sole custody of the kid/s. She is not currently pregnant.

And now for some non-alien blind items:

Which buxom B-list pinup only helps out charities that ply her with cocaine? (Gatecrasher)

Pamela Anderson? And here I was thinking meth was her poison. Also, I wonder if Peta is looking for volunteers.....

We have a B-/C+ television and film actress who is currently a female lead on this network drama. It's a new show. Popular though. Anyway, her male co-star is extremely popular on this site, but he is also probably a B-/C+ mostly television actor. Apparently our actress has been acting like a diva on the show and our actor called her out on it. This is an actual quote. " You are a fucking cunt. Who the hell do you think you are that you can treat people the way you do on set. The crew hates you the cast hates you and the producers hate you and this is no way to build any kind of career, so knock it off you fucking whore." Oh, and both of our actors are foreign born. (CDAN)

Joshua Jackson and Anna Torv from Fringe?

This is one of the more bizarre things I have ever heard. This male reality star is on an A list reality show. A recurring reality show with the same cast, not some random dude on Survivor. Anyway, this star carries a bag with him wherever he goes. That is not unusual. What is unusual is that he always keeps $50,000 in the bag with him at all times. Never more and never less. He doesn't keep it a big secret. He just always says it is if he ever needs to get away quickly he has the means. The question is why would he need to get away quickly. People have asked him. He always says, "you never know." What the hell does that mean? (CDAN)

Kim Zolciak's battered wig? That's why bitch is always broke, because her wig is taking all her cash. My other guesses are Spencer from The Hills or Slade Slimey from The Really Plastic Housewives from Orange County, but do either of them have that kind of coin laying around?

Which Network TV Reality Star told our source that he is considering ‘coming out’ in order to boost his image and score some pricey interviews? If you’ve guessed that he isn’t gay, you’d be right. He thinks at the very least being bisexual would cause a stir. He also told this source that his agent wasn’t comfortable with the idea and the star is thinking about going against the agent’s advice and possibly getting a new agent. (And if the Agent to this star is reading this, they needn’t worry. We think it was all talk, and you’ve done great things for his career.) Watch for speculation about his sexuality in the future. It will happen, but it will be manufactured. Not Gordon Ramsey. (BuzzFoto via Blind Gossip)

Simon Cowell doesn't need the money. Gaycrest is too obvi. I'll guess Ty Pennington or Jeff Probst?

It keeps rearing (or rear-ending) its head every so often, but the rumors about this HUGE movie star just won’t go away. Previously partial to a blond male model from Croatia, his new plaything is a very hot, black car mechanic. (Holy Moly via Blindsmack)

Tommy Cruise is a no-thought answer, so I'll guess Vin Vin Vin Dieeeesel?

This famous film actor almost always flies on his private jet, but there was an occasion recently where he needed to take a public flight. While he was not forced to stand in the security line with the unwashed masses, he did have to go through a special security check with a few other celebrities.

Our actor reluctantly removed his shoes and put them in a plastic bin. The security guard ran his shoes through the x-ray machine, hesitated, and then called over another guard. The two guards then proceeded to inspect the shoes up close for what seemed like an endless period of time. One guard handed back the shoes with an apology. “Sorry that took so long. I’ve just never seen ones that big before.” Our actor turned red, put on his shoes and proceeded to the plane. The next celeb on line asked the guard what size the shoes were. The guard replied “Oh, it wasn’t the size of the shoes. I’ve just never seen lifts that big before.” (Blind Gossip)

Don't play. There's only one dude in Hollywood who loves to take it higher with his sexay sexay shoes. If Tommy wears shoes like that in public, you know he wears stilettos in the bedroom.

Which funnyman’s career might be flagging due to his dependence on downers? After a disastrous comedy set in NYC, he admitted he’s hooked on Vicodin. Deadly serious. (Star VIA Blind Gossip)

Eddie Murphy? And the "disastrous comedy" was Meet Dave? The only way to get off Vicodin is to start smoking crack. It'll bring ya back up!

Which film director could give Robert Pattinson a run for his money in the odor department? The big-time movie man smelled so bad during a recent shoot that even his actors couldn't stand to be around him! (Gatecrasher)

Kevin Smith? Peter Jackson? Francis Ford Coppola? Take your pick.

"This C list actress/writer/producer on a very hit television comedy had noticed all of these photos of a missing cat on telephone poles and in windows. She didn't really think much about it, but a day or two after she first saw the pictures, she met a little girl who was standing with her mom on the corner and they were putting up more pictures. So, our actress to be kind asked about the cat, and found it that it had been the girl's cat and that she had literally had it from almost the day she was born and she was now 8. The mother and daughter recognized our actress and they took some photos with a cell phone camera and our actress signed an autograph on one of the cat posters. The cat had managed to get outside when the front door had been left open by the cable guy.

Anyway, about a week goes by and our actress called the family to see if they had found the cat and they had not and had given up hope. The next day, our actress stopped by their house along with two other members of the show and dropped off a brand new kitten to the little girl."(CDAN)

But what if the lost kitty came back? Then they'd have double the kitty caca to pick up. I'd be pissed. My guess is Jenna Fischer or Minday Kaling from The Office?

What superstar has a seriously annoying girlfriend? She bugs her dude with constant diva-like demands ... even during his golf games! (Gatecrasher)

This might be too too too obvious, but I'll go with Justin Timberdouche and She-Hulk Biel?

Which famous TV (and film) personality once try to off herself? We’ve heard tales before of her abusive past, and the odds she had to overcome to become a success. What has never been publicly revealed was a failed action she once took at the depths of her despair. Ever the consummate planner, she even wrote out instructions as to the exact floral arrangements she wanted at her memorial. (Blind Gossip)

Oh, lord. If I type her name, will I be struck down? Op...No, I felt a little ting. Not going to do it.

Which celebrity couple is nicknamed “Bye-bi STI” for their habit of picking up men or women for threesomes… and leaving them with sexually transmitted infections? (3am Girls)

Sting and Trudie? You know how those kinky tantric bitches do it.

This up an coming B- list television actor is on a very hit ensemble show. He hasn't really done much except for the show, but because of his high name recognition and the show's popularity I am giving him a B-. Anyway, he and this teenager starting dating and it was fairly public until he started dating his C+ co-star. She is C because her name recognition isn't as big. Anyway, our actor has continued to date the teenager and his co-star as well as others. When our actor was out of the country doing press, his co-star found out about the teenager and has vowed revenge. As an added twist, the teenager has been our actor's drug purchaser so that he is never caught actually buying his nose candy. (CDAN)

Chuck Bass (who ironically has the face of a catfish) and that Vanessa broad from Gossip Girl?

This multi-talented tween star is frequently seen with cute boy stars, most of her own generation. One evening last week, however, she puzzled onlookers by ignoring every boy in the room in favor of talking, drinking, and dancing only with other girls. Is our little sweetheart actually gay? According to some of the girls in attendance, she is “curious” and “exploring her options”. Is she a Pink in the making? Maybe. (Blind Gossip)

Demi Lovato? I get the vibe that there's a mini-butchie inside of her just begging to bust out! In ten years, she'll be walking down Silver Lake Blvd. in XXL Dickies, a wife beater and Timbs.

Which D-list rapper got in a hemp, er, heap, of trouble with event sponsors when he lit up a joint at their bash? They couldn’t kick him out because he was the “big” celebrity name of the night, but they didn’t end up paying him. (Gatecrasher)

I know the answer to this one: ALL OF THEM. Every last one of them. And it has happened to each of them at least a dozen times. The truth. That's it.

This B/C Actress that recently had a public breakup, was seen with her ex’s best friend on two separate occasions. One was at a restaurant eating dinner, the other was when our photographer came upon her car with two huddled figures snuggled inside. When he got closer to take a picture, the best friend was seen putting his/her clothes back on. Calls were made from publicists and lawyers, needless to say no pictures will be published and thus it remains blind. Not Lindsay Lohan. (BuzzFoto via Blind Gossip)

Kate Walsh got caught with her hand in the chocha?

Last week, producers and executives had to be called down to the set of a film that is already getting a lot of hype. It turns out that one of the main actors showed up so high and wasted that he went on a rampage on set. He destroyed props and electrical equipment and wasn’t coherent or responsive to the pleas of crew to get him to stop. When the bigwigs arrived, they fretted over having security escort him off, calling the police, or taking care of the matter privately. They finally decided they didn’t need bad press for the actor’s image and had a private team of security take him and lock him in a private trailer until he came off it. Two days later and back on set, although the crew was pissed, Executives and the actor pretended like nothing had happened. It’s not Jude Law. (BuzzFoto via Blind Smack)

Is Russell Crowe all cunty, because he can't eat his regular 10,000 calories a day since he has to squeeze into his Robin Hood costume? I guess.

This actress is the whole package, and is rocking the kind of body that defies the need for a body double. However, during her last hair-removal action, she may have gotten a little carried away. Every last vestige of hair was removed from every inch of her privates. With no supportive foliage, every form fitting outfit she was wearing for her movie turned into an instant camel toe. The wardrobe people had to scramble to create a prosthesis and supportive undergarments to smooth out the attention-getting lines. (Blind Gossip)

Obviously, this is not CoCo, but you can't mention "camel toe" without posting a picture of most famous asset. So, one of my guesses is Sienna Miller, because she had to wear tight shit in G.I. Joe. But I don't know if you'd say she has a "rocking" body? My other guess is Megan Fox? And the wardrobe people must be the creators of the Cuchini.

Which closeted TV icon should be more careful about whom he dates? He has been squiring an infamous gay bartender around town, and everyone’s noticing. (Gatecrasher)

Mah...Mah...Mah...Mah..Bo... Naw. I'll guess Andy Rooney?

This actor is C list. He probably used to be B list. Not a very recognizable name, but you would definitely know the face. He has done a mixture of both television and movies. Every few years he gets a really great lead in a movie or television show, but nothing long lasting. He got his big break and the lead in his first movie because he blackmailed the producer of the movie, who was also an actor in the same movie and has a good guy reputation. The blackmail in question consisted of some photos our actor had taken at the party of the good guy producer/actor snorting coke. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but this producer/actor's entire career is based around his good guy reputation. (CDAN)

Call me stumped. I don't know. The "good guy" dude could be George Clooney, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, etc..etc...

This Media Personality is doing everything she can to stay relevant. She is keeping up with the latest social networking sites. She has even befriended her enemies, but it’s still not working. No one is interested in her. (Downfront 2 VIA Blind Gossip)

I'm guessing this is none-other-than the blogger, Twitterer, Facebooker and lawyer known as Star Jones?

This former A list always movie actress still considers herself A list even though in reality she is about D. She does have A list name recognition and was the star of one of the most famous movies of all time. Not highest grossing, just one of the most famous. Anyway, she is not known for her quiet demeanor and when she has a drink or seven can get rather nasty. Recently she got into a fight with her current boy toy and during the argument threw a glass or two or three at her toy. Well, on one of her throws she missed and hit an original Picasso she has hanging on her wall. The painting was shredded by the glass as it shattered as well as the beverage she had inside. Of course she told her insurance company it fell during a mild earthquake and landed on a glass table beneath the painting, shattering the table and damaging the painting. (CDAN)

Sharon Stoner, right? She has a play thing with a peen and she also has a Picasso! A little investigate reporting (2 seconds of googling) led me to this article.

Which starlet's constant state of inebriation is causing problems in her marriage? Her hubby hates having to physically remove her from nightclubs. (Gatecrasher)

Xtina (no question mark needed). But if she isn't considered a "starlet," I'll say ScarJo or Katherine Heeeeeeeigl?

Which East Coast Resident Star forgot to pick up their child from school and had to be called and reminded from school staff? Our source claims the whole mishap was not a matter of memory, so much as it was of Methamphetamine. It’s not Ms. Fey, she’d never do something like that! (BuzzFoto via Blind Gossip)

Sarah Jessica Parker? She kind of has meth arms.

This over-30 actress is not known for having the greatest taste in men. Well, it turns out that her taste in home décor is even worse. Although she is working with professional interior design folks, she keeps derailing the agreed-upon plan by insisting that they incorporate some of her really ugly personal items. The decorators are grumbling behind the scenes that the actress has the taste of a ten year old, and “we wouldn’t be surprised if she asks for a Hello Kitty kitchen”. Just proves that money can’t buy you taste. (Blind Gossip)

This isn't Mimi, because I'm sure she already has a Hello Kitty kitchen. Mimi has a Hello Kitty LIFE. My guess is Jennifer Aniston? "Derailing" gave it away.

Which A-list actor's wife belongs to a secret lesbians-only club in L.A.? To keep things discreet, the club staggers arrivals so its members aren't photographed together. (Gatecrasher)

Secret lesbian club? Isn't that called The Physical Education Teachers Association? Anyway, Jada sounds like the obvious answer, but I'm going to switch it up and go with Mrs. Hugh Jackman?

This very funny C+ television actor with B list name recognition on a very hit ensemble television show was recently pulled over by the police. Our actor had a bit too much to drink and was probably going to get arrested for a DUI. Figuring he had nothing to lose, he offered the policemen their choice of the three women he had just picked up at a club and was taking back to his hotel room. Remarkably both the officers and the two women chosen agreed. The policemen made one of the women drive, followed the actor to his hotel and spent about an hour in his suite before heading back out on patrol. (CDAN)

Cookie Monster? Or Jeremy Piven? Or Charlie Sheen? Or Jason Segel?