Kevin Bacon

Kevin Bacon has seen better days! First, Madoff stole a bunch of cash monies from Kevin. Then, he found out his Footlose role is going to that frosted twink Chace Crawford. And now the dude was straight-up robbed in a subway station!

The New York Post says that on Thursday morning, Kevin was down in the Seventh Avenue subway stop performing his big number from Footloose for extra dollars from commuters when some evil doer stole his Blackberry! Okay, he wasn't dancing for coins, he was just leaving the station when a thief grabbed the Blackberry right out of his purdy paws! Kevin didn't give it up that easy and chased the berrynapper through the station, but lost him.

How ever did the Bacon lose him? He must have not leaped and spun through the station while throwing jazz hands around, right? He would've caught the asshole if he used jazz hands!

Kevin apparently called the police.

Seriously, did Kevin drop a mirror under a ladder while crossing a black cat? What the fuck shit next? At least he'll always have the last name of the most delicious thing that exists in this world. He'll always have that.

Somebody give Kevin Bacon a job! And not a blow job! Well, unless you're going to pay top dollar for it. Seriously, can't they write him into the Footloose remake? Or maybe a network can buy BACON'D? Something! Kevin is just not bringing home the bacon the way he used to (GONG!). The bitch needs money.

Kevin and his wife person, Kyra Sedgwick, found themselves swindled by Bernie Madoff. They say they lost everything but the money in their checking accounts and their houses. Kevin told Life & Style that he needs work, "We'll march on. We have to. There's nothing you can do about it. You can't change what happened. Things could be worse. You remember that, and you go on with your life. I didn't see it coming. I don't have anything lined up right now, but I need to work, for obvious reasons."

Kyra has money coming in from The Closer. But Kevin's last gig was that Frosty Snowman/Nixon movie.

Ok, what about a Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game show hosted by the man himself. I'd watch that shit. Let's play it now! Shall we? I'll start:

1. I know a bitch.
2. This bitch knows Justin Theroux's dog sitter.
3. Justin Theroux's dog sitter obviously knows Justin Theroux.
4. Justin Theroux was in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle with Shia LaDouche.
5. Shia LaDouche was in New York, I Love You with KEVIN BACON!

Voila. I am separated from Kevin Bacon by 5 degrees. It's your turn. You can use this hot website to help you. I'm sure all of you will beat my ass. 5 is pretty weak.